I know exactly how this feels.

I’ve been divorced twice and single for 17 years. I can, and have, gone deep into the rabbit hole of not feeling lovable enough.

Valentine’s Day is approaching. This is one of two holidays (New Year’s Eve being the other) that puts a magnifying glass on the issue of being part of a couple or being single.

When I drop into that rabbit hole of feeling not loveable, I can give you plenty of evidence to support that thought. It’s a thought that leads to a terrible feeling of emptiness and unworthiness. Not a fun feeling.

Just say no.

Say no to the thought. Let’s face it, there are other thoughts you say no to, probably all the time. Especially if you’re trying to start a new habit or stop an old one. You have the thought, I should go to the gym today. Then you say to yourself, no. I’ll do that tomorrow. Or, you tell yourself you shouldn’t eat that piece of cake, you are on a diet, and you say, no. No to the diet.

Why not take the same approach with the thought that you aren’t loveable (desirable, clever, cute or any other reason you tell yourself for being single)? Just say no. No. I am loveable. I am desirable. I am clever. I am cute. I am….

Then grab a supportive friend, or invite some people over, or get online and do a video conferencing party with some cool people that don’t live near you. (Zoom is a great free service for video conferencing. They don’t care if you do it for fun instead of business!)

Break the habit of telling yourself you are not loveable enough. The only way to break a habit is to start doing things differently. Trust me, that thought, and the others that stress you out, are just habits. They can be replaced by something more fun.

Give yourself the Valentine’s gift of something much more fun! You are lovable. You are desirable, you are clever and cute and everything you need to be. You are exactly who you need to be. You are a gift. A Valentine’s gift to yourself and the world.