I was talking to someone about a new package I’m putting together for people pleasers who are dating and in relationships.

It’s one of the most important packages I’ve created.

You see, so many qualities that make us people pleasers, suck the energy out of us and make us resentful in our relationships.

It’s really hard to be seen and heard by your lover when you’re trying so hard to “keep the peace,” and “not rock the boat.”

I told her how I was creating this package to coach people who are dating, or in romantic relationships, on how to avoid the terrible experience of NOT being seen and heard by their lover.

She said, “Oh! Like, scream less and screw more!”

Boom!

I couldn’t have said it better myself!

There’s always that fight that we have on a routine basis. The details of the story might change, but the underlying topic is the same.

And, under the topic, is the dynamic. The number one complaint of romantic relationships:

You don’t feel seen and heard.

Why is that such a big deal?

Because we can’t feel valued when we aren’t seen and heard.

Being dismissed or ignored is the equivalent of being devalued. Period.

Your lover - my lover - might not have “meant” to devalue us, but, it’s the natural experience of not being seen and heard.

I’ve learned how to be seen and heard.

That’s why I’m so passionate about coaching others on how to be seen and heard!

Today, I’ll give you one tip to get you headed in the right direction.

Tip #1 for being seen and heard:

Make sure you see and hear yourself before trying to get your lover to see and hear you.

Wait? What?

No, this is not a trick. And, yes, you read that right.

It starts with you - with me.

You see, as a people pleaser we’ve been trained to ignore ourselves. To make what other people want and need more important than what we want and need.

The first obstacle to overcome is our own habit of self-dismissal. Self-devaluing.

Write yourself a letter. Record a message. Tell yourself what it is that you are wanting your love to see and hear. Listen to yourself. See yourself. Honor your want or need. Give it value.

Notice how that feels.

Take the time to revel in your own validation of your own want or need. It’s so much more powerful than you might imagine.

After you’ve reveled in it, feel free to share it with your lover. Your energy and communication will have shifted because you began where all things begin. With you. Inside you.

That’s where the magic is.