Less Screaming! More....

I was talking to someone about a new package I’m putting together for people pleasers who are dating and in relationships. 

It’s one of the most important packages I’ve created. 

You see, so many qualities that make us people pleasers, suck the energy out of us and make us resentful in our relationships. 

It’s really hard to be seen and heard by your lover when you’re trying so hard to “keep the peace,” and “not rock the boat.” 

I told her how I was creating this package to coach people who are dating, or in romantic relationships, on how to avoid the terrible experience of NOT being seen and heard by their lover. 

She said, “Oh! Like, scream less and screw more!” 

Boom! 

I couldn’t have said it better myself! 

There’s always that fight that we have on a routine basis. The details of the story might change, but the underlying topic is the same. 

And, under the topic, is the dynamic. The number one complaint of romantic relationships:

You don’t feel seen and heard. 

Why is that such a big deal? 

Because we can’t feel valued when we aren’t seen and heard. 

Being dismissed or ignored is the equivalent of being devalued. Period.  

Your lover - my lover -  might not have “meant” to devalue us, but, it’s the natural experience of not being seen and heard. 

I’ve learned how to be seen and heard. 

That’s why I’m so passionate about coaching others on how to be seen and heard! 

Today, I’ll give you one tip to get you headed in the right direction. 

Tip #1 for being seen and heard:

Make sure you see and hear yourself before trying to get your lover to see and hear you. 

Wait? What? 

No, this is not a trick. And, yes, you read that right. 

It starts with you - with me. 

You see, as a people pleaser we’ve been trained to ignore ourselves. To make what other people want and need more important than what we want and need. 

The first obstacle to overcome is our own habit of self-dismissal. Self-devaluing. 

Write yourself a letter. Record a message. Tell yourself what it is that you are wanting your love to see and hear. Listen to yourself. See yourself. Honor your want or need. Give it value. 

Notice how that feels. 

Take the time to revel in your own validation of your own want or need. It’s so much more powerful than you might imagine. 

After you’ve reveled in it, feel free to share it with your lover. Your energy and communication will have shifted because you began where all things begin. With you. Inside you. 

That’s where the magic is.

Why Is It So Hard?

I have so many clients tell me they know what they should do.

They just can’t seem to do it.

We’ve all been there.

You know you’re putting everyone first - at the expense of yourself.

You know the best way to serve your family and others is to do it from a “full cup.” The old, “put your oxygen mask on first, then help the person next to you,” theory.

But you still find yourself saying yes and doing more than you should. Or feeling guilty if you don’t.

Why is it so damn hard, especially when we know better?

Let’s use our closet as a metaphor.

The same clothes. Day after day. They are nice. But you realize, you’ve “outgrown” some of them, in one way or another.

Your style has changed, your body has changed. There are pieces in your wardrobe that just aren’t appealing anymore. Of course, some of them are fine. Some are favorites. But there are always a few that really need to go.

You know you need to clean out the closet; discard some things, possibly have an item or two altered, and buy a few new pieces.

And yet, you keep wearing them. You’re busy. You rationalize that they aren’t that bad. You shouldn’t be greedy, maybe you don’t need to buy anything?  Who are you to spend the money on alterations! Just wear what you have and be grateful.

And there you have it. Life.

Life in a closet.

When it comes to people and situations in our lives, it’s the same.

There’s a relationship with a friend, co-worker, boss, business partner, lover, spouse, your mother… and you know it needs change. It needs altering. Or a good cleaning out, maybe even discarding, in order for you to thrive.

You know it. You tell yourself, “next time we talk…” and yet it doesn’t happen.

Why is that?

We know better, but we don’t always do better.

Because being the way you’ve been has been deeply engrained. It’s a serious habit!

And habits don’t start or stop easily.

That’s why coaching is so important.

You need an advocate.

Someone to help you communicate differently.

Break the habit of feeling and doing for others first and yourself… not first.

These are the dragons I slay all day every day, so, you’re in good hands!

There are several ways you can let me help you put yourself first! And NOT in a selfish way!

1. Join my FREE Private Facebook Group, Liberate Your People Pleaser! We talk about how to break those habits that our people pleaser got stuck in!  Click here to join.

2. Join the “Freedom is Calling You” FREE Facebook Challenge coming in August! For now, join Liberate Your People and you’ll get all the deets there.

3. Work with me 1:1. It’s the most powerful way to break those people pleasing habits. To explore a 1:1 experience with me, book a 15-Minute call and we’ll figure it out! Book your call HERE.

I can’t wait to connect with you!