“Can you just give me the steps?”

It seems like a fair question. She hired me to help her in her career and with her relationship with her boyfriend.

She was sincere.

She would do the work.

What are the steps?

You’ve probably heard me say there’s no formula.

I’m a big believer in life being way too interesting and complex for a one-size-fits-all formula that solves our problems.

No. I don’t believe in formulas. You are too unique. I am too.

But here’s what I’ve found. It’s not a formula and it wasn’t the easy 4-steps my client was asking for, but it did give her the framework she needed to start unraveling what was going on in her career and relationship that brought her into coaching with me.

What are the big four?

Desires
Thoughts
Feelings
Inspired Action

They aren’t a hierarchy, which is why it’s not a formula to me.

They are key elements to all liberation.

This works for me as much as any client, so I’ll get personal.

Desire. I need to know what I desire. This includes my passions, interests, the things that intrigue me and compel me to action. They have to be mine. Not what I think my family wants me to desire, or my friends, or the culture. For me, now, it’s coaching, writing, speaking, living near the beach, fabulous relationships with family and friends, taking care of my body, fashion, food, wine and travel… to name a few.
Thoughts. What are my thoughts about each of these desires? This is where you dig up any thoughts of “not good enough” or “not enough money,” “not enough time,” etc. These are our limiting beliefs. I’ve had a deep belief all my life that I don’t get to have what I want. So, I can get really freaked out if I even get close to getting what I want, because I think it will be taken away from me. One important thing about these thoughts; in one part of our intellect, we may not even BELIEVE them. If you asked me if I believe I get what I want, I would say, generally, yes. Of course I don’t get everything I want, but I’ve had a great life! However, when I’m struggling with certain things I get this very distinct thought that I don’t get to have what I want. When the going gets tough, that unconscious believe comes alive! And our unconscious beliefs will always rule the day.
Feelings. Wow! I am more and more impressed with how much our feelings impact everything! And the power we have to choose how we feel independent of circumstances. Two years ago when I had almost nooooo money, and I mean that quite literally. Often less than $100 to my name, I learned how to feel abundant, even without money. It wasn’t easy, but damn! It was liberating to know I had the power to do that!
Inspired Action. This is the action you take when you’ve identified a desire, your thoughts are positive and loving about achieving that desire and your feeling empowered and confident.

All of our “problems” pop up when one, or more, of these four is out of alignment. Sometimes we take action and we can’t sustain our momentum. We lose the excitement early on. Instead of “pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps” and “soldering on,” like most of us were taught, I coach people to stop and reevaluate. It’s quite possible their desire has shifted or changed in some way. That’s why it’s so hard to take consistent action. If we dig into the desire and realize it’s still there, then we have to look at the thoughts or feelings that are making taking action so difficult. My client’s and I always find them.

Because if our desires, thoughts, feelings and actions are all in alignment we’re living in joy.

Living in joy doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Frankly, that would be boring. It does mean that we feel a joy and a certain ease in pursuing the desire. It just “feels” right.

Think about something in your life that isn’t working 100% for you, right now. Apply these for elements to it and see if you can find the piece(s) that are out of place.

I’d love to hear from you and know what you figured out. And if it caused you to feel like it’s time to get a coach to help you through it all, then I’d love to explore working with you. I have a few one-on-one coaching spots open right now, so book a 15-Minute Discovery Call and we’ll see if I’m the right coach for you and if the timing is right. Book your call HERE.