Are you thriving or enduring?

I hope you’re thriving this holiday season! 

I absolutely love the holidays! 

AND… 

My mother is in her end-stage of life, I’ve got a few family issues that can keep me up at night, and a personal disappointment I’m dealing with. 

Being a life coach doesn’t make life trouble-free! 

I have to practice the same tools I write about and coach clients through. 

Because I am not interested in enduring the holidays or any other time of my life! 

I want to thrive, regardless of my circumstances. That’s freedom! 

When I’m drawn into negativity, disappointment, even despair here’s the first two things I do:

1. I ask myself, “Is it true?” I’m not questioning how I feel. That’s important. We feel how we feel. I’m questioning the thought that made me feel bad. “Is it true that family issues will cause stress when we’re together?” 

Here’s the important part before you answer that question… take a few breaths. Quiet your mind a bit. The answers that come fast and furious to us are not our inner-wisdom, they are the stressful thoughts that got us here in the first place. We are INTENTIONALLY working to change our mental state which will change our emotional state. As my mind slows down I realize, the question can’t possibly be true. It hasn’t even happened! My thought is about something in the future, as many of them are, so I can’t possibly know it’s true! 

Whew! Right away I can have some mental breathing room. I can remind myself that I don’t even know if my thought is true. 

2. I imagine the exact situation, but this time without the thought that we’re going to experience stress when we get together. I can imagine us together as a family. I can imagine that the issues don’t even come up. Or, I can imagine they do and we have a really productive and healing conversation around them. Our being together turns out beautifully! 

By imagining the same situation that I was stressed about and imagining a positive outcome, I am moving out of “enduring” and moving towards thriving. 

I may not get to thriving in one step, but if I’m moving towards it… life gets better. And from there, it can continue to get better until I make my way back to thriving! 

If this makes sense, let me know. If you have questions about how to apply it in your situation, let me know. I always love hearing from you! 

I’ve also got the exact tools you need to thrive! It’s the Holiday Solve It Method™ Program and Special Offer. It has this tool plus many more to move you into thriving this holiday season and beyond. Get all the deets and take advantage of the special pricing HERE. 

Because you deserve to thrive!

It's Christmas Day! Feeling like you're not prepared enough?

It’s Christmas day. The 12th day of our 12 Days of Enough.

Maybe you were up into the wee hours of the morning wrapping presents. Maybe you don’t have all the food prep done for the day that you hoped for.

Here’s my Lifestyle Advice for this not enough thought: Toss it in the trash.

It’s Christmas. What ever is done, is done, and what isn’t done may not get done-- and that’s okay.

Do you know why it’s okay? Because it’s the truth. 

The truth, even an inconvenient one, is less stressful than all the thoughts about how it should be another way.

Give yourself the best Christmas present ever.

Be enough. You’ve done enough. If that means there aren’t rolls with dinner or you eat a little later or go out for Chinese food, who really cares?

Celebrate the season. Celebrate love. Celebrate you, because you are enough already!

Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them. 

Do you feel like you aren't talented enough for holiday decorating?

It's Christmas Eve and our 11th day of 12 Days of Enough. 

I know it's quite possible that by now, you feel like you are not talented enough for all the things that need to be done to be ready for the next few days. 

Here's my Lifestyle Advice: I loved the movie Bad Moms, so naturally, when Bad Moms Christmas came out I had to go see it. If you’re struggling with almost anything that feels ‘not enough’ to you this season, I recommend watching these movies! They are about giving up all these impossibly perfect ideas and ideals of how things “should” be and enjoying true connection.

That’s what we all remember about special occasions, like holidays. Who was there? The fun we had. The memories we made. Not whether or not the wrapping was perfect and color coordinated, or the cookies were all homemade and perfect or that the house was decorated to the nines. Those things can be fun. If you enjoy them, do them. Just do them from a place of love and the pleasure of doing it. Otherwise, I suggest ditching it.

Ditch it

When I was decorating this year, I was arranging things and getting everything where I wanted it to go. I’m in a new apartment this year, so I’ve not decorated it before. I was all but done and everything looked beautiful to me.

Then, I remembered I have about 18 feet of beautiful garland I bought last year. It has gold tips on the greenery and pine cones, (I’m okay if that sounds hideous to you, but I love it!) and I had thought I would put it over my kitchen cabinets. There’s a nice open soffit and I could drape it across the top of the cabinets. I even thought a string of lights would look great.

The day was ending and, as I said, I loved the decorating I had done, then I remembered that garland. I thought about it and the work to put it up and take it down and decided to ditch it. Yep. I left the garland in the box for next year, or the year after that. It just felt like “too much” to do.

That’s a great sign. When it feels like “too much,” it probably is and you can ditch it. Does that mean someone might notice, if you stop doing something you've historically done, and say something about it? Sure.

And to that, I’d like to say, “I respectfully do not care.” It’s funny and true, people, especially family, can get very accustomed to what we “usually” do. When we don’t do it or change things up a bit, we can get push-back. That’s okay. You haven’t done anything wrong. Just different. Let them be with their disappointment and you keep being with yourself and notice how good it feels to honor yourself and what you want to do.

Enough Already! You are enough. You do enough. You have enough. Now, that’s living lavishly!

Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them. 

Are you brave enough to ask for a raise or promotion?

Not feeling brave enough?

Today is day 10 of 12 Days of Enough.

It's the time of year where there are often opportunities ask for a raise or promotion, or for those entrepreneurs out there, raise your prices. 

If you aren't feeling brave enough, here's my Lifestyle Advice: Bravery takes practice.

Bravery is a skill, like any other. I was watching a great interview with Tim Ferris and Marie Forlio. They were talking about practicing in small ways for big moments. That way, when the big moment comes, you’re ready for it. Tim was talking about all the publishers who rejected his best-selling book, The Four-Hour Work Week.

He was rejected tons of times before the book was finally accepted. He said he would practice being rejected in small ways. Asking a barista at Starbucks if he could have a discount on his order. Just to hear the “no.” To get used to it.

Bravery is similar.

Practice it in small ways.

Ask for the table you want at your favorite restaurant. You may not always get it, but you will sometimes.

Being brave isn’t about getting your way, it’s about being willing to ask for what you want.

If you don’t practice bravery in small ways, chances are, you won’t have it when it comes to something big like a raise or promotion.

You can cram for this if necessary! Depending on how soon you need to ask for the raise or promotion (or raise your prices), you can start with doing one brave thing a day. If you don’t have much time, make it two or three things a day.

Remember it’s not about the outcome. Of course, we love it when we get a “yes” for our bravery, but the win is in the act of doing what scares us. Period. Give yourself the credit for doing it.

Being brave is a skill. It’s like a muscle. If you haven’t been exercising it, it’s probably pretty weak. As soon as you exercise it, the strength builds and then it’s there when you need it.

Because, you are brave enough! You might just need a little practice at it. :) 

Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them. 

I'm not busy enough

What!? Is that a typo?

Not at all. It's day nine of 12 Days of Enough and I know at the holidays, there are times we feel like we aren’t busy enough.

What that usually translates into is not being popular enough or not having enough friends or family. You’re lonely. You have too much time on your hands.

Here's my "not busy enough" story

I remember one Christmas morning. It was the first time, post-divorce, that my kids were with their dad, instead of waking up with me.

Let me tell you, it was the quietest, calmest Christmas morning ever and I hated it! I definitely didn’t feel busy enough.

What’s my Lifestyle Advice for this one?

Be good to yourself. Even if that means having a good cry. Just don’t get stuck in the crying.

Take yourself out to a movie or grab a good book.

Volunteer and help those who need you.

This is the perfect time to give back. It will keep you busy, grateful and feeling connected to the community. We’re never alone. There are so many people who long for connection and acceptance. Give what you want. Connection and acceptance.

That’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them. 

Feeling like you're not thin enough to wear party clothes?

Not thin enough? It's day seven of 12 Day of Enough. Let's slay this one!

This calls for some serious Live Lavishly Lifestyle Advice: Let’s start with physical style and fit.

Even the party clothes we wear once a year need to be replaced, repaired or altered if they aren’t fitting this year’s body just right.

In order to feel our best, we need clothes that feel stylish to us. That doesn’t mean they are stylish to everyone. You can skip looking at fashion magazines, unless you can look and get inspired by them.

There’s no judgment. No right or wrong. The question is: what feels fun and flattering to you? If you’re stuck, phone a stylish friend, or go to a store that has a stylist, or good sales people who will help you.

My number one recommendation, as you’re deciding on style is to always select something that accentuate your best body part(s), whether that’s your booty, your legs, your arms, your collarbone, it doesn’t matter what part, just draw everyone’s attention to that spot.

This includes your attention. When you look in the mirror, focus on that beautiful spot. Glance at the rest to check for fuzz balls or dog hair, but other than that, focus on your most beautiful spot. 

Next, let’s check in on the mental style and fit

No matter how beautiful your body looks, if your mind is telling you a story about not being thin enough…you’re sunk.

I’d like for you to take that thought and turn it into a wounded animal. Yes. I'm serious. Picture an animal that's been hurt. You wouldn't yell at it or shame it. You wouldn't hide it is a corner hoping it heals on it's own.

Take that animal out and love her. Be gentle. Let her know how important it is for you to take care of her. Coo over her until she relaxes. 

She may not be totally transformed by party time, but hopefully you can get her from cowering in the corner to sitting in your lap.

Remember, the voice in your head telling you that you aren’t thin enough….she is the wounded animal that needs love.

Unconditional love and acceptance

That wounded part of yourself needs to know that her value isn’t based on her size. She is worthy and lovable because…she was born. Because she is a unique expression of the Divine.

The Divine comes in all shapes, sizes and colors and every one of them is worthy and beautiful.

Now, smile and be on your way. Carry with you the glow of unconditional love. Even if no one else has ever given it to you, you have the power to give it to yourself. An no one can take that away!

Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them. 

Not pretty enough for those damn holiday photos

It's day six of 12 Days of Enough and I definitely have something to say about this one!

Do you have an aversion to holiday photos? If you have the thought that you aren’t pretty enough, you probably avoid photos all year long, not just at the holidays!

Let’s consider this. Not pretty enough. Who decides what defines ‘pretty?’

Take some time and think about this.

Be a bit of a private investigator of your thought. Where did it come from? Did someone tell you that you aren’t pretty? If so, who was it? Was it a person you love? Or maybe no one said it to you, but you’ve learned to compare yourself to others.

Compare and despair

We always lose when we compare ourselves to others. Even Cindy Crawford does. I've read so many stories of famous women who have built their reputations and fortunes on how they look, yet, when asked, they will criticize their looks or their bodies. There is always someone skinnier or prettier or something. 

Allow yourself to be liberated

If you've ever thought that you aren't pretty enough, I want you to think about why you think that. Dig deep and get all of those thoughts and write them on paper.

The act of writing thoughts and ideas on paper is magical. Sometimes I have a thought that seems very ‘true’ and very important. As I write it down in my journal, I realize how ridiculous the thought is. Nothing happened other than the act of writing it down.

Back to our exercise, you’ve written down everything you can think of that would cause this thought, I’m not pretty enough for holiday photos (or anything else you come up with.)

Alright, now you’ve got your hit list of thoughts. It's time for the liberation. 

Here's the fun part: let’s put them in the mirror.

I know. You may avoid mirrors, but this time, all is well.

This is a magic mirror that will serve you and liberate you to freedom! Take your thoughts and write the opposite.

It looks like this: I am pretty enough for holiday photos. I am pretty. And other opposite statements. While you may be tempted to laugh at these statements, hang on and do this with me.

Stop for a moment and get still. Interrupt the habitual pattern of your thoughts that charge in and tell you the old story about not being pretty enough. You know them well. Let them drop away for a moment.

Let the opposite thought resonate

I am pretty. How is that true? I want you to think of three legitimate reasons why that’s true. I know you have them. 1) A lover, spouse or friend who told you that you’re pretty. 2) A time when you looked in the mirror and had even a speck of a moment where you thought you looked pretty. 3) You realize that being pretty, beauty, is more than our individual features. It’s something that shines from the inside out and you are truly pretty. Beautiful even.

Now, before the well-rehearsed rebuttals start up, stay with these reasons that your opposite thought is true. Let them take root. They seem small because they haven’t had as much time in your mind. Repeat them. Let them settle in. Let them become the new normal. There’s no better gift to give yourself than the gift of experiencing even a few moments of knowing your self-critical thoughts are not true.

Here's what I know for sure this holiday season: you are pretty enough! 

Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them. 

Feeling like there's not enough money for the gifts you want to buy?

It's day four of 12 Days of Enough and we're going to deal with... not enough money!

Here's my Lifestyle Advice: The holidays are great for pushing our money buttons. The scarcity of ‘not enough.’

This is a great time to take advantage of the Own Your Brilliance guided meditation. If you don’t already have it, it’s yours for free! You can get it here. It’s a great way to calm your thoughts and get in a peaceful place. When you get to your place of peace, in the meditation you’ll be imagining the bottom of the ocean floor where it’s so quiet and still you can hear the songs of whales for hundreds of miles, ask yourself a question. “What is possible with the money in my budget this holiday season?”

Then sit in stillness and wait.

See what happens.

You may have a feeling of unconditional love, you may begin to feel overwhelming gratitude, you may get an idea for something to create or a way to save money or remember an expense you can eliminate to free up some money.

The Universe is an unlimited place.

There are infinite possibilities.

We can’t usually see most of them because we’re so busy thinking our stressful, scarcity-driven thoughts. But that doesn’t change the truth that the Universe is unlimited.

Give yourself the gift of peace this season.

You have enough money.

If that means fewer people get gifts or that they are less expensive, or handmade (often the best anyway!), it doesn’t matter.

Give emotional gifts. Spend a couple of bucks at Target for some pretty paper and a pen and write the five things you admire most about each person you think you need to give a gift to. What could be better to receive than that?

You have enough and you are enough. That’s the truth.

Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them. 

Not enough courage to say no to a holiday invitation?

What if that invitation is from your family? Do you ever feel like you don't have enough courage?

It's day three of 12 Days of Enough. 

I know so many people who spend time with their families, or go to a party, or any number of invitations we get at the holidays, out of obligation. They don't want to go. They feel like they have to go. They feel like they do not have enough courage to say no. 

Here's my Lifestyle Advice: Maya Angelou said, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.”

How do we cultivate courage?

Small steps. First, with yourself. Admit to yourself that being with your family (or another invitation) at the holidays is not right for you. Don’t stop there.

If you want to move towards courage you have to be painfully honest with yourself first. Dig deep. Articulate why. Find the important reasons. Not “I don’t like my mom’s cooking.”  Though you may not, that’s probably not a deal breaker.

Sometimes we confuse courage with rebellion

Rebellion says, ‘Hell no. I’m not going.” You either get over the rebellion and go, or you stay home for the wrong reasons.

Don’t get me wrong. Rebellion has its place. Sometimes it actually helps me get to courage.

Don’t get stuck in rebellion. Find your truth

Truth feels peaceful. It might be difficult, but there’s a peaceful understanding in your soul that this is the best thing for you.

Once you have that, courage is usually right there, ready and waiting for you.

If you aren’t there, get some support. A friend, therapist, or life coach. Someone who can help you find that place of peaceful truth and find your voice to live in alignment with your truth.

We all deserve to live in alignment with our truth. Even when it’s inconvenient. Even when it's the holidays. 

Your courage is in you. You might just need a little help uncovering it.

You are courageous enough! 

Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them. 

Ever feel not lovable enough?

It's day two of our 12 Days of Enough and I know there are people out there who don't feel lovable enough. 

Maybe you're single. Maybe your relationship is suffering. Maybe you feel alone this holiday season. You may be telling yourself you aren't lovable enough for the relationship or life you want.

Here's my lifestyle advice:

I know a thing or two about this. I’ve been divorced twice and I've been single for most of the last 17 years. During that time I had one ‘significant’ relationship that lasted three years. I can, and have, gone deep into the rabbit hole of not being lovable enough.

When I’m in that hole, I can give you tons of evidence to support that thought. It’s a thought that leads to a terrible feeling of emptiness and unworthiness. Not very festive!

Let’s slay this one. For starters, there’s no such thing as not being lovable enough.

You are lovable because you were born!

I have to say, I didn't truly learn this until my grandchildren were born.

For those of you who haven’t experienced it, let me tell you, it is the purest love there is. This little person is connected to you, bone of your bones, flesh of your flesh, so to speak. Yet, you aren’t responsible for them, so you don’t feel the weight of that. All there is, is pure love.

And it’s not because they have such adorable personalities. Think about it. A newborn has no personality at all. They sleep, eat, cry and poop. That’s it. And you love them, just because they showed up and sleep, eat, cry and poop. It’s not their personalities or the things they do for you. They are lovable because…they are.

That’s the way it is with you

In truth, you are lovable, just because you are you. That’s it. Wrap yourself in some unconditional love.

Many of us were not blessed with being surrounded by unconditional love, but here’s the really cool thing; we can give it to ourselves. It totally works. I’ve done it. Love yourself because you can. Because you’re love-able. Because you were born.

Be in a relationship with yourself. Date yourself. Woo yourself. Give yourself Christmas or Hanukkah gifts. Seriously. Wrap them. Light the candles. Decorate the tree. Do it all for the love of you, because you are totally love-able enough! 

Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them. 

12 Days of Enough!

You've heard of the 12 Days of Christmas, well I'm doing 12 Days of Enough!

There are so many ways to feel like we aren't enough. Especially at the holidays. 

This year I'm going to remind you every day, from now until Christmas Day, that you are Enough Already! We'll focus on one thought a day and I'll give you a little lifestyle advise-- a hack if you want to call it that-- for you to slay that thought and liberate yourself! The perfect holiday gift!

I bet you'll relate to each one of the twelve in one way or another. Please feel free give the gift of being enough to your friends by sharing this with them! They can click here to get the series delivered directly to them. 

This will be fun. I'll be brief. (I know, that one's hard to believe, but I'll do my best!)

Here we go. Day 1 of Enough.

Do you ever feel like you aren't successful enough?     

Lifestyle Advice: If you ever struggle with the thought that you are not successful enough, and therefore a disappointment to your family, or maybe your spouse’s family, your neighbors, or anyone else…this one’s for you! The first thing you need to know is that, “I’m not successful enough,” is just a thought. I’m not trying to be pedantic, but it’s just a thought. As is the case with most of our thoughts, they often are not true.

How many times have you thought someone was mad at you, and they weren’t. Or you thought the person you love, who is late coming home, was in a car accident, and they weren’t.

I bet if I gave you $50, you could come up with a list of 10 thoughts you’ve had recently that didn’t turn out to be true.

But, you say, Brenda, in my case, it’s true. My family told me I am a disappointment. Ouch. While that’s tough, there are plenty of fabulous people in history, and living today, who have disappointed their families with their greatness!

Give yourself the gift of believing in yourself so much that what others think of you, even your family, isn’t terribly important. I’m not saying there’s no sting at all, but really, think of the person you admire most; Beyonce, Michelle Obama, Oprah, anyone living or dead. Imagine that you are with them, going to their holiday family gathering and their family is disappointed in them. Imagine all the ways you would think, “These people really don’t get it. I can see that they love her (or him), but they are disappointed in someone who is fabulous!” You wouldn’t change your opinion of the person you admire. You’d see that it's the family who is mistaken.

Now…here’s the big finish…look in the mirror. That’s how it is for you. You are fabulous, no matter who thinks what.

You know why? Because you’re you. A unique expression of the Divine. There hasn’t been and won’t be another one just like you. That’s fabulous. Anyone who can’t see it has their own issue. Bless them and don’t let them diminish your brilliance.

Live Lavishly Light Episode #5

Do you believe in infinite possibilities? 

It sounds good, but is it true? And if it is true, how do we find them? 
 

I don't know about you, but I can have a hard time finding infinite possibilities, especially at a busy time of year like this. It's easy to think in polarities. This or that. Yes or no. 

Do you find yourself saying that you 'have' to do something?  You feel like there aren't options. Let alone the option to say no to something. 

In today's Live Lavishly Light Episode I show you how to find your way to infinite possibilities, including saying no to something. Join me and cultivate some infinite possibility awareness. 

To get the guided meditation I mention in the video, click here. 

Own your brilliance

What does it mean to own your brilliance?

This is one of my favorite topics in the world right now.

For years, I’ve been telling my closest friends, “I need to own my brilliance.” What did I mean by that?

It’s about knowing who you are. What your unique gifts are. Your unique expression in the world.

It begins with knowing that it’s you. You’re the one.

Then you expand it. You do the thing you were meant to do. Say the things you were meant to say. Dream the dreams you were meant to dream. And you own it!

I didn’t truly “get this” until I went to Paris this summer. If you want to read about that liberating and transformative experience, I wrote all about it with Confessions of a traveler,  A Living Obituary and Your own Paris Transformation.

Today, we’ll talk about how you can own your brilliance. Check it out and do it! Own it! The world needs you.

And don’t forget to download your FREE copy of the Own Your Brilliance guided meditation. It’s a great tool to support you on your path to owning your brilliance.