Put Yourself at the Top of Your List!

Today I’m sharing one of my most listened to podcasts! Even if you heard it when it originally aired on Christmas Day, 2021, it will feel fresh and new today. Why, because you’re in a different place now then you were then. 

Growing up we were often taught that being selfless is better than being selfish. But there’s a huge difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself. Overwhelm will often kick in when we’re running around taking care of everybody else, and haven’t stopped and considered what we need to do to take care of ourselves.

Because putting the happiness and well being of others before our own wants and needs is a formula for exhaustion, overwhelm and burn-out. We cannot be our best selves living our best lives if we constantly put others before ourselves.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some  very important questions regarding today’ topic:

Why do you need to put Yourself at the Top of Your List?

How to drop the habits of people-pleasing?

How to stop prioritizing other people over yourself without being selfish?

How to Start Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Your Needs?

And much more.

Listen HERE.

I’ll see you next week with a NEW episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser!

How do you want to feel when summer is over?

It’s so easy to end the summer exhausted! 

You do so much for family and friends. 

There are so many activities. 

The fantasy of time at the pool or beach, reading a book in your lounge chair doesn’t seem to become a reality. 

September comes and you’re glad to get back to a “normal” routine and hope things settle down a bit. 

How about a luxury get-away to whisk you out of the summer and into the best September you’ve ever had? 

That’s what I’ve got for you with the Say Yes Luxury Retreat. 

Take yourself away for 5 days and indulge in… YOURSELF! 

You’ve earned it! 

Imagine what will happen when you get away from the hustle and bustle of home, leave your responsibilities and obligations behind and spend 5 days luxuriating in beautiful Huntington Beach, CA with all your needs taken care of, a circle of like-minded women and me as your host and life coach for 5 days! 

The sky’s the limit! 

All you need to do is, Say Yes!

Registration closes tomorrow and there’s only 1 spot left! 

Do it for you. You’ve earned it. 

In liberation, 

Brenda

PS. If you aren’t sure if the retreat is right for you, hit reply and ask me anything! You don’t want this opportunity for rejuvenation, inspiration, transformation and restoration to pass you by!

Do you know?

Have you ever felt like you don’t know what you want? 

A while back I had a client who would draw a blank every time I asked her what she wanted. 

I had another client who knew some of what she wanted, but mostly what she knew was that everything she was doing WASN’T what she wanted to do! 

What do we do when our life is full of commitments and activities that we really DON’T want to do and/or we don’t know what we DO want? 

There are a couple of things going on for both of these scenarios. 

There are thoughts that are keeping both of these talented, smart people away from knowing what they want. There are other thoughts that keep them feeling obligated to the things they are doing or guilting them out of their desires and into the obligations. Thoughts like, “you should be happy with what you have.” “You can’t say no, they need you.” “You’re not good enough for that.” 

There are also feelings that go right along with those feelings that make them feel even more impossible to overcome. 

There’s a lot of busy-ness, overwhelm, procrastination, and other obstacles when it comes to taking action. 

And then we circle back to desires. What the heck do I want and if I dare to want it, how do I believe I deserve to have it? 

You can see how this common problem touches on all four of these components, desire, action, thoughts and feelings. 

I experienced it in my own life. And as I coached myself and lots of clients through their problems and challenges I came up with a process that includes all four. When we get our desires, actions, thoughts and feelings in alignment, we’re unstoppable! 

I call the process, The Solve It Method™ and I am creating a digital program to teach you how to do it! 

What’s even better is that you can get The Solve It Method™ Digital Program AND add 3 private coaching sessions to it, all at a discounted price I’ve never offered before! That way you get the benefit of some coaching with me to help with the parts that are hard to coach yourself through and the digital program to keep for your ongoing support and growth. The best of both worlds! 

Hop over now and get the deets then register because this is an introductory price and I’m not sure how long I’ll offer it at this price! You’ll find everything HERE.

We haven’t gotten through a global pandemic to play small. You are in the right place at the right time. The time is ripe for transformation and living in authentic power and self-expression and The Solve It Method™ Digital Program is the right thing at the right time to support you in your journey! 

Have you ever had this?

Have you ever felt like you don’t know what you want? 

A while back I had a client who would draw a blank every time I asked her what she wanted. 

I had another client who knew some of what she wanted, but mostly what she knew was that everything she was doing WASN’T what she wanted to do! 

What do we do when our life is full of commitments and activities that we really DON’T want to do and/or we don’t know what we DO want? 

There are a couple of things going on for both of these scenarios. 

There are thoughts that are keeping both of these talented, smart people away from knowing what they want. There are other thoughts that keep them feeling obligated to the things they are doing or guilting them out of their desires and into the obligations. Thoughts like, “you should be happy with what you have.” “You can’t say no, they need you.” “You’re not good enough for that.” 

There are also feelings that go right along with those feelings that make them feel even more impossible to overcome. 

There’s a lot of busy-ness, overwhelm, procrastination, and other obstacles when it comes to taking action. 

And then we circle back to desires. What the heck do I want and if I dare to want it, how do I believe I deserve to have it? 

You can see how this common problem touches on all four of these components, desire, action, thoughts and feelings. 

I experienced in my own life. And as I coached myself and lots of clients through their problems and challenges I came up with a process that includes all four. When we get our desires, actions, thoughts and feelings in alignment, we’re unstoppable! 

I call the process, The Solve It Method™ and I am creating a digital program to teach you how to do it! 

What’s even better is that you can get The Solve It Method™ Digital Program AND add 3 private coaching sessions to it, all at a discounted price I’ve never offered before! That way you get the benefit of some coaching with me to help with the parts that are hard to coach yourself through and the digital program to keep for your ongoing support and growth. The best of both worlds! 

Hop over now and get the deets then register because this is an introductory price and I’m not sure how long I’ll offer it at this price! You’ll find everything HERE.

We haven’t gotten through a global pandemic to play small. You are in the right place at the right time. The time is ripe for transformation and living in authentic power and self-expression and The Solve It Method™ Digital Program is the right thing at the right time to support you in your journey! 

The Question That Will Change Your Life: An Interview with Kwavi

Today’s guest on Liberate Your People Pleaser is on a mission to empower a million women in their 50s and over to create a future more exciting than their past and change the world for the better. And that’s why she decided to write and publish her amazing book “50 Questions to Answer When You Reach 50”  Her book is helping women redefine for themselves how they want to live this next chapter of their lives.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser we’re going through some of the questions of the book with the author and  today’s guest, Kwavi . She is a certified life coach for midlife women, author, speaker, entrepreneur, international retreat creator and a lifelong member of Team Have Fun. 

Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Are You Tired of Being Tired?

People-pleasers are known for doing whatever it takes to make other people happy. While being kind and helpful is generally a good thing, going too far to please others can have serious risks. People pleasing can lead to increased risk for all the major diseases, including heart disease, diabetes, cancer and all manner of maladies related to chronic inflammation. It also leads to depression, anxiety and a host of psychological issues.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep on this topic with my guest, Catherine Gagnon. She is a nurse and health coach and we are going to answer some very important questions including:

How pleasing people impact our health and wellness?

How to Stop Saying Yes When You actually don’t Want to?

How emotions in general affect our energy?

And much more.. Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Are you craving self-trust?

I have so many clients who are craving self-trust. 

They second-guess themselves.

They are worried about doing the “wrong thing” or making a “mistake.” 

That’s before we started working together! 

One of the benefits of coaching with me is that I teach clients how to tap into their inner-wisdom. 

When we make decisions from our inner-wisdom we are confident. We trust ourselves. We aren’t worried about being perfect, so the concept of making mistakes begins to fade from existence. 

When I coach client’s I’m always using The Solve It Method™ in one way or the other. I don’t announce it to them, I just use the process with them. 

Now I’ve put together a series of podcast episodes to teach you The Solve It Method™ so you can use it on yourself! 

Get The Solve It Method™ Podcast Bundle right HERE, right NOW! 

Because of the magic of the internet, you’ll have it in your hot little hands faster than you can say, “The Solve It Method™!”

Then… tell me all about it! What did you learn? What did you do with your new-found, self-trust? 

This is how we liberate ourselves! 

Get The Solve It Method™ Podcast Bundle TODAY! 

Is Your Energy Being Depleted?

You’re probably very familiar with feeling so exhausted or overwhelmed that you decide to “do it yourself” instead of delegating a task or project at home or work. 

You’re upset about something and want to tell the person or set a boundary, but you’re just too tired and decide you’ll wait until it happens again. 

When our energy is depleted, it just doesn’t seem worth it. Or the timing doesn’t seem right. We tell ourselves it will be easier to just let it go. 

Of course, there’s never a “better time.” 

It isn’t actually easier to do everything ourselves.

It’s just what we’re used to. 

Why is that? 

I’ll tell you why. 

Energy leaks. 

What’s an energy leak? Picture a beach ball that holds the total amount of energy that you have on any given day. It’s nice and full and round. You’ve got all the energy you need for the day. 

Until… you start prioritizing someone else over what you need, or over-function for someone, or silence yourself to “keep the peace,” at home, work or with a friend. 

Any of our people pleasing habits that keep us focused on others at the expense of ourselves are putting little pin-holes in that beach ball. Little by little the air leaks out. 

We don’t always notice it. It’s a slow process… until there are enough holes that all the air leaks out and the ball is flat! Completely flat. 

I bet you’ve felt completely flat. 

When you feel completely flat or too much of the air has leaked out of your beach ball, you don’t have the energy to set a boundary, or let someone struggle figure something out on their own, or to ask for the help you need. When we’re deflated, it always seems easier to do it ourselves. Am I right? 

It’s time to put an end to that cycle. As a recent client told me, “I had no idea how much every area of my life would improve once I started setting boundaries!” 

Let’s get you started in my “It’s Your Turn” 90-Day Coaching Package.  In 90-days we can get, and keep, that beach ball full of air by closing up the specific leads that cause you to feel deflated and overwhelmed. 

All you need to do is fill out this quick form, it will take you about 5 minutes. You’ll tell me a little bit about what’s going on with you, then I’ll reach out and we’ll decide if now is the right time. The package has a single payment discount or payment plans. I’ll tell you all about that when we talk. 

Complete the form today, because once my calendar is full, I’ll stop offering the package. And really, you’ve earned it, “It’s Your Turn.” 💜💜💜

Is there a solution for every problem?

You may not believe it, but every problem can be solved !

But before you can solve a problem you need to understand what the true issue is. Too often it’s easy to jump to solutions before fully understanding what the problem is, so you end up solving the wrong problem and get mixed results. Once you fully understand the problem and you fully understand the outcome you desire, you should see the gap.You can now address the gap knowing you are addressing the real problem with the hope of finding the best answer. Of course you still need to make the right decisions at this point, and that’s not always easy or obvious, but you can do this with more confidence. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some very important questions regarding today’s subject.

Can every problem be solved?

How can you Identify the real problem?

And much more. Listen to today’s episode HERE.

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to give us a 5-Stars review if you’re Listening to our Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your Life, we are more than happy to see our Listeners Feedback because this is what really motivate us to go on and create more and more helpful content for you and for everybody else.

What happens when men are people pleasers?

As we all know, a people pleaser is someone who tries hard and spends a lot of energy trying to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means depleting their own valuable time or resources. Being a people pleaser is not a bad thing, it’s more like a double-edged sword, it depends on how we actually use it.

But what if the People Pleaser we are talking about is your man/husband?

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some very important questions regarding today’s subject.

How to live with a man who is a People-Pleaser?

And how it affects your relationship.

You’ll want to hear all about it in this week’s Episode with my guest Kimberly Brenner.

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to give us a 5-Stars review if you’re Listening to our Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your Life, we are more than happy to see our Listeners Feedback because this is what really motivate us to go on and create more and more helpful content for you and for everybody else.

Did you see that?

Have you experienced times in your life when you were working really hard for something and nothing was happening? 

Maybe it was something you wanted to manifest and no matter how many manifestation books you read or how many Abraham Hicks recordings you listened to, nothing was working. 

There was NO EVIDENCE that anything you were doing was working! 

I have been there! 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going deep and getting personal with some stories from my life when I had no evidence that anything I was doing was working…. But I still felt compelled, actually driven, to stay the course. 

Listen to this special episode HERE. 

Please, Please! Comment down below and tell me if you relate? Especially if you’re in one of the times right now. My heart is reaching out to you through the airways. I am here to stand with you and beside you! 

What we do matters. 

How Does People Pleasing Impact Success?

Often our gifts and talents as a people pleaser help us succeed at work, or in our business…. Until our people pleasing gets in our way. 

When we keep our gifts and talents expressed from the perspective of what’s in my highest good right now? What interests me? What do I want? Then you are using your people pleasing habits as a super-power instead of something that diminishes, exhausts and overwhelms you. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I share a very personal story of my professional career where I ended up taking a “mis-step” because I wasn’t tuning into what was in my highest good. 

You’ll get the tools I used to get myself back into alignment with my highest good. 

I’d love to hear how the tools are working for you or if you have a question as you continue to liberate your people pleaser! 

Listen to today’s episode HERE. 

What’s your happiness set-point?

Did you know that we are predisposed to a happiness “set-point?”

If you’ve ever noticed it seems easier for some people to be happier than you are - or visa versa, today’s podcast interview with Kim Strobel will tell you why.  

Kim is a happiness expert and we had a dynamic and exciting conversation on today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser. You can listen HERE or watch the video HERE. 

Our conversation inspired me to get very transparent about some things I’ve been working on, but more than that, Kim’s got some very specific tools you can use to improve your level of happiness.

And if you’re thinking that Kim is an expert on happiness because her life has been overflowing with happiness since the day she was born… guess again! 

Kim shares very intimately her experience with panic attacks and how that took her on a journey to the happiness coaching she does now. 

Don’t miss this inspiring and practical episode for increasing your level of happiness! 

There’s no better way to start 2021!

Do you ever want to throw a temper tantrum?

Last week we watched our president and some of his fans throw a violent temper tantrum. It was like a two year old being told it’s bedtime! 

I like to look for the metaphor. It helps me see what’s in it for me. 

Of course, I hated watching it and I wanted to be super judgmental. I felt righteous indignation. 

And then I thought, where is there a part of me, hanging on for dear life, when in fact… it’s time to go? 

And, I found it. I’ll share it with you next week.

We all have it. 

More than one “it.” 

Those habits, relationships and ways of thinking that really, really don’t serve us anymore. 

It’s time for them to go. 

Last Wednesday it became abundantly clear to me what my purpose and mission in life is. For myself and others, to work with that stubborn part in all of us that doesn’t want to leave. That is hanging on, threatening us, berating us, spewing lies and refusing to go. 

Where is your two year old throwing a temper tantrum? It can be focused on any person or situation in your life that isn’t the way you want it to be. It might be focused on you. An inner tantrum that berates you to you. 

Let’s take care of it. It’s hard to let things go. I will gladly be your guide and advocate. Book a 15-minute call and we’ll decide what your next steps are. 

With that tantrum comes a feeling of powerlessness. That’s what triggers a tantrum. Together we’ll activate your innate power. The power that will lovingly take charge and lead the way.

Tell me if you relate to this?

Regardless of our background and specific life experiences, there are certain things that connect all of us people pleasers! 

Not the least of which is the courage to learn how to speak up for ourselves and live authentically! 

In today’s inspiring interview with my coach and Rapid Transformation Therapy practitioner, Sobia Durrani, you’ll hear how being a people pleaser was triggered by the pressure of being a first generation American. With parents from Pakistan, who naturally had high expectations, plus feeling like she didn’t belong in the US or in Pakistan, Sobia’s story is compelling and needs to be heard. 

We also touch on the issue of “white privilege” and what that means to us. 

You’ll be inspired and get tools to use in your own life from this powerful episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser. 

As always, I welcome your feedback and questions in the comments!

What are you ready to let go of?

I posted that question on social media this week and got some interesting answers!

If you don’t follow me on social media, I’m @lavishbrenda on IG and have a private FB Group, Liberate Your People Pleaser you can join HERE.

Some of the things being left behind: self-doubt, the need for acceptance and approval, uncertainty, relationships where they aren’t seen, heard and valued, jobs that suck the life out of them, and my personal “leave-behind,” scarcity.

As people pleasers it’s so easy to get caught in the fear of all those things. Notice, everything that we want to leave behind was created through fear.

Fear motivates most of the behaviors that hold us back. Fear of being rejected. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of failing. Fear of not being loved and accepted. Fear of making a mistake or “failing” in some way.

What do we do about it?.

Fear is like a bully. Once you face it, it begins to shrink.  

For instance, the fear that you won’t be loved and accepted is part of why you’re in a relationship where you aren’t seen and heard. How do I know? Because if you weren’t afraid of being loved and accepted, you would simply and clearly ask for what you want and need. If your partner, coworker, boss or friend repeatedly ignored or dismissed your wants and needs, you wouldn’t tolerate it.

You naturally attract people into your life who reflect your inner love and acceptance. 

I used to have a lot of fear about being loved and accepted. I felt so invisible growing up, that I was naturally drawn to people who would repeat that pattern for me. Romantic relationships is where I had most of my challenges, but I have clients that have it at work, with friends, even random strangers.

Fear keeps us silent. Fear keeps us prioritizing others. Fear keeps us from being seen and heard.

Once I unraveled that fear (that’s the hard part, but trust me, it can be done. I did it. I coach others on how to do it) I seemed to magically be surrounded by people who genuinely loved me, accepted me and were happy to hear about what I wanted and needed.

Voila! I was seen and heard! By all sorts of people!

Now I can spot it right away when someone isn’t interested in seeing me and hearing me.

It’s extremely empowering!

What fear do you need to let go of? You don’t have to know how. It starts with recognizing it and looking at it. Noticing all the places it weaves itself into your life. Fear can be quite insidious. When we look at it, we open the door to releasing it.

Let me know in the comments the fear you’re ready to look in the eye and leave behind!