Comparison and Failure.

Comparison is such an insidious beast. We compare ourselves to others and how their lives look on Facebook or Instagram, we compare how we dress, our bodies, our relationships, sex lives, businesses, professional lives, our kids, pets… everything. The smallest thing can trigger a comparison.

Failure is another wrecking ball in our lives. Something doesn’t go as planned; something is much harder than we anticipated, and we don’t reach a goal in the timeframe imagined. A business goes south, we file bankruptcy, we close the business, we get fired, we drown in a job we hate and are afraid to leave, we fail our kids, fail our relationships, fail, fail, fail. And our mind, through that ever-present mind-chatter, gives us all the evidence to convince us that we definitely failed.

There is a commonly held belief that comparison and identifying our failures is “helpful.” It is a tool to “protect us” from future failures or to learn something. Here’s what I have to say to that. Bullshit.

Bullshit. Labeling something as a failure isn’t what protects you or teaches you the life lesson involved. In fact, the shame spiral of failure can keep you from the lesson or distort the lesson.

Comparison doesn’t protect us or teach us anything either. It diminishes us. We come out of the comparison lacking in some way.

The best thing you can do to protect yourself and learn your lessons is to continually tune into your inner guidance. That still soft voice. That doesn’t mean nothing will ever go “wrong.” Life would be incredibly boring if there was no adventure. No sorrow to contrast the joy. No pain to contrasts the pleasure. I think you’re like me and you want to live life to the fullest! Not in some bubble of perfection, even though the only place that exists is in our own fantasies.

You and I have one, unique, beautiful, glorious life. No one else has the same life I do, or you do, so there’s really no one we can compare ourselves to. There’s no such thing as failure because everything we do that “doesn’t work” or is an apparent set-back, gives us something to help us move forward, in our own, unique way.

That’s it. It’s you.

There’s no one like you. No one has your gift to give to the world. No one compares to you. Nothing you do is a failure. Everything is for you, in order to grow you into the greatest expression of your unique self.

Let’s ring in the new year in boldness. Claiming our unique, beautiful expression.

Failure and comparison are so... 2019!

I don’t know about you, but I can be pretty hard on myself.

At least I used to be.

It is a habit I’m definitely breaking.

Will you join me?

There's no such thing as failure.

Think back to some of your most valuable lessons. They probably involved a failure. I know mine do.

Here are a few of mine.

I ended my first marriage. This was my high school sweetheart. We had four kids together. I had always been taught that divorce was wrong. There were plenty of people, at the time, who also told me I was wrong to leave. It definitely felt like a failure!

It was also the catalyst to my learning who I was and what I wanted in my life. I had always lived my life based on what other people wanted and needed. In fact, most of the time I didn’t know what I wanted or needed, I was so lost in everyone else’s needs and wants. Leaving my marriage was the beginning of an opening. It’s an opening I’m still exploring. Discovering and expressing the very best version of myself.

I had a terrible failure professionally once. It involved the classic blunder of sending an email to the wrong people with the wrong content. I won’t go into all the gory details, but it cost me my job. I was suddenly looking for a new job. That led me to a job that expanded my skills tremendously. The leadership training and coaching I do in my business today is a direct result of what I learned in that job.

Now let’s combine relationships and jobs. I failed at both at the same time. I was single and unemployed. But, this time, I’m a little wiser… and older… but I wasn’t going to let my age get to me. I followed my heart. I didn’t start applying for jobs because it didn’t feel peaceful, it felt full of anxiety and stress. So… I spent most of my savings. OK. All of my savings. But, I kept believing that I would get what I needed by the time I needed it. I believed my lesson in that transition was to trust myself and my inner wisdom/inner Divine to lead me to my ideal job.

She did. I got inspired to contact someone I had worked for previously about a project we had discussed but put on hold. This inspiration came to me “out of the blue.” I’ve learned to trust that sort of inspiration at this point in my life. They hired me to do the project and offered me a fantastic job on top of the project! Suddenly I went from spending that last of my savings to a 6-figure salary.

None of these apparent-failures were failures. They liberated me from something in my life that really wasn’t working anymore into my next highest level of growth. How can that possibly be a failure?

If you knew-- I mean absolutely knew-- that there is no failure, what would you do?

Tell me!

I know for me this new attitude gives me boldness and confidence as I grow my business. It gives me confidence in relationships and as I look forward to the next year. I’m working on a new program that I’m incredibly passionate about, and I’m creating a new niche in my coaching practice that’s going to knock your socks off!

Why would I do that? Why not play it safe? Because there is no failure! I’m going for it!

Two Things to Leave Behind in 2019

Comparison and Failure.

That’s it. It’s you.

No failure. Is that possible?

I don’t know about you, but I can be pretty hard on myself.

There's no such thing as failure.

Tell me!