Boundaries can be a hot topic no matter what the relationship.

But let’s talk about the really hard ones.

Your spouse
Your Mother
Your Mother-in-law
Your Father
Your Father-in-law
Your Boss

Those tend to be the scariest because they feel like there is a lot of risk.

What if you set the boundary and you get fired? Divorced? You offend your parents or in-laws?

What if you offend your mother with your boundary and she is your primary babysitter for your kids?

The cost seems too high to risk setting the boundary.

It seems easy to tolerate their behavior.

Easier to disregard your own needs, than risk the repercussions of asking for what you need.

The problem is, there is a personal price for all that accommodating, keeping our mouths shut, or tolerating having a boundary ignored.

What’s the answer?

It’s different for everyone, and frankly, this is where one-on-one coaching pays for itself pretty instantly! The way a professional athlete needs a coach to create a strategy to improve, you need a coach who can help you create a strategy for the boundary setting conversation and potential repercussions.

It’s the power of a third party that isn’t involved in the situation and only wants what’s best for you. It’s like an advocate - on steroids!

I’m going to give you my top two tricks for this, but I’m also warning you! Your life and your situation is unique. You're unique. The person you want to set this boundary with is unique. There’s no “formula” to follow. That’s why working with a coach is so valuable, so hit reply and ask for my help! That’s what I do. That’s what I live for!

My two most powerful steps to take before you say anything to the person are:

Start with yourself. Write down the answer to these questions. Dive deep and unpack the answers because they are important. Why is setting this boundary so intimidating? What are you afraid is going to happen? When have you felt this way before? How old were you the first time you felt this way? How does it benefit you NOT to set the boundary? (That’s not a typo. We don’t set boundaries because there’s a benefit. We keep the peace, Mom will keep babysitting, we don’t want to make someone mad, etc.)

If everything in step one was cleared up and taken care of and you had no concerns about setting the boundary, what exactly would you ask for. Before you start writing, I want you to make it super simple. No rationalizations or justifications. I want you to be able to say it to a five year old, and they would understand. For example: “I need more time to myself. I’m going to start taking half the day on Saturday to myself.”

Were you surprised by anything that came up for you when you journaled the answers to those questions? And for those wondering, yes, you need to write them out. Not answer the question in your head. There is magic to writing/typing out the actual answer to these questions.

Comment down below and tell me about it! You’ll make my day!