Everyone talks about getting “closure” when relationships end.
What is it that makes us think there is such a thing, or that it would help?
Think about a relationship that you’ve had come to an end, that has been painful. It might be a romantic relationship, friendship, or even a family member.
Or maybe you think about “closure” in regard to things that you’ve lost? A job, relationship or something of value. If so, think of that.
What are you hoping to get with closure?
Do you want to know “what happened?” Or, “where things went wrong?” Or the age old question, “why?”
But the answers to those questions, rarely, if ever, serve us.
What they do is re-victimize us.
The departing spouse gets to tell you all the things you did that they didn’t like. Or all the things that are “wrong with you” which is why they had to leave, have an affair, take your money, whatever the case may be.
Sometimes worse, we spiral down into self-criticism - all on our own!
Filled with “I should have…” or “If only I had done/not done…”
This is why I love the “don’t know” mind. It allows for a fresh start.
What if you didn’t know why, never knew why, how or what ever it is, you think will give you closure?
You start fresh, in the present moment. With exactly what is, but only what is. Nothing extra. Nothing less.
It might look like this: I am a person betrayed by my spouse/lover who needs a place to live and needs to heal from the hurt I’ve experienced. I have a few people close to me that I can trust to love and support me during this time. I will ask for the help I need. I will take care of myself to facilitate my healing. I will seek the help of a professional. I am seeking what wants to emerge in me during this transitional and transformational time.
Those statements honor what has happened and they empower you. You are not dependent on someone else to be okay, to heal, or to get back on your feet. Sure, you’re asking for help, and you are setting yourself up to be willing to receive help. That’s empowering!
Now, I understand that it might be easier said than done, but I promise you it’s possible and it’s far more empowering than any imagining of closure, because it keeps you in the driver’s seat of your life! Where you belong.
And, I am here to help you. I would love to be the professional you ask a helping hand from. It’s really a ‘facilitation’, which is a more empowering word than ‘help.’ I facilitate liberation in my clients. That way they experience true and lasting transformation.
DM me and let me know if you could use a little facilitation into liberation! We’ll set up a call to chat and decide if now is the right time and if I am the right coach for you.
