From Darkness to Light: How to Navigate Challenging Times

I was homeless for two and a half years. That was a challenging time! 

It’s really hard to navigate challenging times! If you’re in one, you know! 

A Tic Tok video or Instagram Reel on mindset or abundance isn’t enough!

In today's episode of Uncover and Elevate I’m giving you my top three tools for navigating challenging times! You can use them for mini challenges or enormous ones! 

I’ll also share my biggest “failure” in navigating my own challenge with finances and homelessness. 

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

Please share this episode on social and tag me! Especially if you’re sharing it with someone going through a challenge! We all need support and to know we are not alone!

Are you thriving or enduring?

I hope you’re thriving this holiday season! 

I absolutely love the holidays! 

AND… 

My mother is in her end-stage of life, I’ve got a few family issues that can keep me up at night, and a personal disappointment I’m dealing with. 

Being a life coach doesn’t make life trouble-free! 

I have to practice the same tools I write about and coach clients through. 

Because I am not interested in enduring the holidays or any other time of my life! 

I want to thrive, regardless of my circumstances. That’s freedom! 

When I’m drawn into negativity, disappointment, even despair here’s the first two things I do:

1. I ask myself, “Is it true?” I’m not questioning how I feel. That’s important. We feel how we feel. I’m questioning the thought that made me feel bad. “Is it true that family issues will cause stress when we’re together?” 

Here’s the important part before you answer that question… take a few breaths. Quiet your mind a bit. The answers that come fast and furious to us are not our inner-wisdom, they are the stressful thoughts that got us here in the first place. We are INTENTIONALLY working to change our mental state which will change our emotional state. As my mind slows down I realize, the question can’t possibly be true. It hasn’t even happened! My thought is about something in the future, as many of them are, so I can’t possibly know it’s true! 

Whew! Right away I can have some mental breathing room. I can remind myself that I don’t even know if my thought is true. 

2. I imagine the exact situation, but this time without the thought that we’re going to experience stress when we get together. I can imagine us together as a family. I can imagine that the issues don’t even come up. Or, I can imagine they do and we have a really productive and healing conversation around them. Our being together turns out beautifully! 

By imagining the same situation that I was stressed about and imagining a positive outcome, I am moving out of “enduring” and moving towards thriving. 

I may not get to thriving in one step, but if I’m moving towards it… life gets better. And from there, it can continue to get better until I make my way back to thriving! 

If this makes sense, let me know. If you have questions about how to apply it in your situation, let me know. I always love hearing from you! 

I’ve also got the exact tools you need to thrive! It’s the Holiday Solve It Method™ Program and Special Offer. It has this tool plus many more to move you into thriving this holiday season and beyond. Get all the deets and take advantage of the special pricing HERE. 

Because you deserve to thrive!

On a Scale of Zero to Freaked Out! Where are you?

It’s easy to be freaked out!

From politics and global warning, to our careers and families, to our personal wants and dreams.

What do you do when you’re freaked out?

• Do you shop too much?
• Drink too much?
• Over-eat?
• Deprive yourself?
• Lose sleep?
• Get angry?
• Compulsively busy yourself with distractions?
• Slip into denial?
• “Awfulize” (Imagine the worst possible outcome and feeling as if the terrible outcome has occurred, even though it hasn’t happened.)

What if there’s another way?

Can we approach our most difficult challenges with poise, power, purpose and even, pleasure?

I’m here to tell you, it’s possible.

I’m a big fan of poise, power and purpose. But today…let’s focus on pleasure.

Pleasure Power.

Is that even a thing? Pleasure Power?

I assure you it is.

Pleasure can change your life.

Not matter how awful it is. No matter how freaked out you are. Pleasure has power in it. The power to shift your mindset and even, open a door.

Let me tell you a story. Recently, I was totally freaked out! I had a very difficult situation ahead of me. It was real. This was not a challenge in my imagination, it was real and barreling down on me.

These are the times when I know I need to put my own coaching skills to the test. What’s the point of being a coach if I’m not practicing what I preach?

I stopped my dizzying mind and asked, “What would give me pleasure right now?” Let me say that even asking the question takes some preparation. You see, if you’re in your dizzying mind when you ask that question you may get an answer like, “Drink a shaker full of Cosmos!” or “Get on Nordstrom.com and buy some new shoes!” (I have clearly just revealed two of my weaknesses!)

First, stop the dizzying mind. Take some slow, intentional breaths. The breath is the fastest way to begin to change your mind and body chemistry. Slow down. Breathe. Then ask, “How can I give myself pleasure right now?”

It’s important that you think of something that can be done immediately. You’re breaking the freak-out pattern, so “book a massage for next week,” won’t help. We want an immediate interruption to move from freaking out to pleasure.

For me it was simple. A hot bath, lavender Epsom salts and ____________. (Put your “adult” thinking cap on to fill in the blank, I don’t want to go all TMI with you!)

When I got out of the tub, I felt different. Allowing my body to experience pleasure had given me the mind shift I needed to go from awfulizing and being freaked-out to the reality that there are infinite possibilities when I’m poised and open enough to become aware of them.

When we tap into our pleasure power, we tap into possibility. We ask smart questions. We ask for help if we need it. We aren’t freaked out.

How will you tap into your pleasure power today?

What kind of a question is that?

Life is all about the questions we ask.

Think about it.

No matter what the issue, the way we ask the question sets the stage for what answers will emerge.

Take for example, you have a money challenge. Maybe you have a money crisis.

You can ask, “How in the world am I going to have enough money to pay my bills (or go on vacation or buy something I want/need)?"

What answers will emerge from that question? Probably nothing helpful. Things like, “It’s not possible. I’ll never make enough, never have enough to do what I want, never pay my bills.”

Why is that? It’s because we’re asking the question from the same mindset that created the challenge in the first place. We’ve gotten ourselves to the point that we don’t have enough to pay our bills or go on vacation or anything else we want. (Trust me, I have no judgement about that. Been there, done that with money.) But here’s the deal, the mindset that created that crisis can’t solve it.

Why mindset matters

We all have our normal ways of looking at things. Normal reactions, normal behaviors. They are patterns, or habits, we’ve adopted for how we think, the feelings we have and the way we react to challenges.

Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem from the mindset that created it.” When we ask questions like, “How am I going to do that?” all we do is tap into that habitual mindset--the one we have without any effort, without even thinking about.

Changing our mindset.

How do we shift into a new mindset so that we can solve a problem or challenge? Ask a better question. Let’s try it.

Back to our challenge of not enough money at the end of the month. Or not enough money for vacation, a new car, braces for the kids, whatever it is. What if we asked, “What would be a fun way I could make some extra money?” or “What would be a painless and easy way to save money over the next few weeks?”

Can you feel the difference? “What would be a fun way to solve this problem?” has a lot more possibility in it than, “How can I solve the problem?” “How can I solve the problem?” has a bit of a victim tone to it. It almost assumes you can’t. Asking, “What would be a fun way to solve the problem?” assumes there’s a solution. We’re just looking for the one that is the most fun.

Empower yourself with your questions.

What is your current challenge and what question you are asking yourself?

Is it an empowering question that presumes multiple possibilities? Or is a question that takes you back to the mindset that created the problem? Or a question that puts you in a victim position?

Here are few examples of empowering questions I like to ask myself when I’m challenged.

·         What can I do to bring ease and peace into this situation?

·         What would a woman in love with herself do?

·         What would be a fun way to solve this problem?

·         What change can I make, right now, to improve the situation?

·         What possibilities can I find that will be aligned with the highest expression of myself?

·         How can I be of service in this situation?

·         What possibilities am I missing? (This is a great time to phone a friend and brainstorm with them.)

·         How is this situation benefiting me? (Or how is it for my good?)

Think about the challenges you are facing right now.

What are the questions you’re asking yourself?

How can you turn them into empowering questions?

Stump the coach

If you’re stuck and can’t find an empowering question, I’d love to help. Put your question in the comments below and I’ll help you come up with a new question.