Have you been part of an evolution?

Today is the first episode of the evolution of Liberate Your People Pleaser to Uncover and Elevate! 

I'm thrilled to bring you this episode and the lessons I've learned as a coach and in my own life that have motivated me to make the change. 

After coaching hundreds of clients It is clear to me that true transformation happens when we go to the deeper levels of our lives. 

Clients come to coaching to solve problems. Whether that’s toxic relationships, learning to set boundaries or ending a habit that isn’t serving them. 

I’ve learned that I need to uncover what is beneath those problems. To discover what is causing them. 

Then I can give the client tools to elevate their life. That elevation and transformation touches every aspect of their life, not just the part they came to coaching for. 

Today the podcast takes a similar evolution to take you on a journey into the deeper levels of life and how to uncover and elevate so that you experience true freedom! 

Listen to today’s episode HERE. 

Please share this episode on social and tag me! 

Then I’d love for you to post a 5 Start Review wherever you get your podcasts. It makes such a big difference and will help others find the show. I’ll be incredibly grateful! 

I can’t wait to hear what you think about the new name and new episode!! 

Why Hally Decided to Work with Me

Hally was lacking in confidence. 

She knew it was affecting her at work and at home with her daughters and husband. 

No one else understood it. Hally is smart, attractive and very good at many things. People would tell her, “You should feel confident!”  She wanted to feel confident. 

But she didn’t know how. 

That’s when she reached out to me and we started working together. She learned some practical tools to build her confidence. 

More importantly, she learned that it was her inner-critic who was the cause of her lack of confidence. Once we uncovered that we started working to heal her inner-critic. 

You can hear Hally talk about her coaching journey on a recent episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser HERE. 

That’s how coaching works. We start with a symptom like a lack of confidence and we deal with that, but we go deeper to find what’s causing it so we can heal that. 

Now Hally can experience true liberation in every area of her life! 

If any of that sounds interesting to you, book a 15-Minute Connection Call with me HERE and let’s get you going on your journey of liberation! 

How do you do it?

Clients always ask me, “How do I do it? I understand I’m being a people pleaser, but how do I stop?”

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to share one of my most useful tools in answering the question, How do I do it? Plus I’ll share:

- Why awareness isn’t enough. 

- Why there’s a gap between knowing where we are and where we want to be?

- What to do if you don’t know where you want to be, you just know you don’t like where you are! 

And much more.. Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Are You Over It?!

“I am over it! I’m so tired of helping everyone solve their problems and picking up the slack for them!” My client was pissed and I knew exactly how he felt. 

That’s what people pleasers do. We solve other people problems and pick up the slack for them. 

That’s why we get so exhausted. 

That’s why we’re so burned out. 

I’ve learned that people pleasing is a symptom of a deeper issue. There is something in all of us that “causes” people pleasing. 

While it’s important that I help my client learn how to set boundaries in her work and personal relationships so that she can end the cycle of exhaustion, if we don’t address what’s causing her people pleasing habits, we’re just putting a bandaid on a broken leg. 

So, what do we do? 

How do we get to the cause instead of just dealing with the symptom? 

This is where 1:1 coaching is so powerful! 

The cause of your people pleasing habits is unique to you. There’s probably more than one. 

It’s hard to get to the cause of something by ourselves because we’re so distracted by the symptom. 

And rightly so. Just because it’s a symptom doesn’t mean it’s not a huge deal! 

But dealing with symptoms only gets us so far. 

That’s why I take my clients on an inner journey that identifies cause so we can create lasting transformation. 

Sure, I also give client’s practical tools to handle those symptoms. 

Healing the cause is where true liberation lies! 

I want you to experience lasting transformation! Book a 15-Minute Discovery Call HERE and we’ll create your liberation! 

Are You Being Authentic or is it Conditioning?

It’s hard to know if we are acting in a way that is authentic or if we’ve been so conditioned we think it’s authentic. 

In this podcast episode encore, I’ll dive into that very question. 

Many of our beliefs were ingrained in us as children, from our parents and other influential adults. In most cases, these beliefs serve us well until a certain point. But after that point, some beliefs become limiting and perhaps even damaging.

What if this belief, that you picked up a long time ago, that has been encouraged by society, family, or/and friends, is actually a conditioned way of believing and you have accepted it for so long it feels like your truth?

Today am sharing some examples and real-life experiences in context to our today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser, and I’m gonna also dig deeper and answer some very important questions:

- How to know if the belief you have for yourself is Authentic or a conditioned one?

- How to break through a belief that you've been thinking it's who you are?

- How Living with the Conditioned & False Beliefs is Hurting you?

And much more.. Listen to today’s episode NOW!

How People Pleasing can Keep us Silent at Work?

In today’s episode I am joined by Genesis Amaris Kemp who is a speaker, author and podcast host of Gems Podcast. 

We have a dynamic conversation about inclusion and diversity and people pleasing in the workplace.

We’ll dive into how do we create a setting to have open and diverse conversations in our professional environments. Where people feel seen and heard. Where we can create an atmosphere of respect and honor each other including the differences between us. 

We also talk about how the habit of people pleasing can keep us silent and “going along” rather than speaking up for what is true for us. 

Listen to today’s episode HERE. 

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Find out more about Genesis at her website: www.https://beacons.ai/genesisamariskemp

Get the first chapter of her book, “Chocolate Drop in Corporate America” HERE.

Do it for your sanity!

Louise was ready to lose her mind! Between the kids, her demanding coaching practice and her aging parents who seemed to have constant needs, she hadn’t had a moment to herself in agents. Don’t get me wrong, she loved her kids, business and parents! She even felt guilty for being honest about her frustration and… even anger at everyone in her life who seemed to constantly need her. 

After a little coaching Louise realized she was over-giving again. It’s an easy habit for her to drop into as a people pleaser. She’s working with me to help her break those habits so that’s exactly what she did. 

She cleared some time on her calendar and made herself unavailable to clients, kids, her parents, she got the help she needed with her parents and kids and she took a well deserved break. She left town for a few days, something else I had suggested, because when we change our environment and routine so much space opens up! So many possibilities suddenly seem possible! And we can rest. Really rest. 

I invite you to do the same. Join me in Huntington Beach, CA for a luxury retreat for 4 women. Join our sacred space, sunshine, fab food and a well deserved break! You’ll have the breakthrough you’ve been waiting for! 

ONLY 2 SPOTS LEFT! Get all the deets and grab your spot HERE. 

This was so embarrassing!

I was leaving the gym one evening after spin class and after getting home I realized I had my shirt on inside-out! I was embarrassed, but I rationalized that not very many people saw me! 

Then it hit me, that’s what it’s like being a people pleaser! It’s like wearing your clothes inside-out. 

There’s nothing wrong with people pleasing or wearing your clothes inside-out. But when you turn your natural gifts and talent to yourself first, then give to others, it’s like wearing your clothes right-side-out. It’s what they were meant for. Their beauty is easier to see. 

You see, people pleasing is simply a habit of being so focused on other’s needs, feelings and preferences that they become more important than our own. It’s like unbridled empathy. These are beautiful gifts you naturally possess, intuition, generosity, having a benevolent heart and mind. 

When we’re in the habit of people pleasing we use those gifts almost exclusively on others. For the benefit of others. Even at the expense of ourselves. 

Let’s turn that around. Use that intuition, generosity and benevolent heart for yourself, then give to others out of the overflow! 

If you like that idea, but can’t figure out how you’d actually do it. No problem! 

That’s one of my gifts. Liberating others from the habit of people pleasing. Or, as we might say today, my gift is helping others turn their clothes right-side-out! 

I have a handful of spots open for one-on-one coaching right now. If you’re curious about working with me, complete a quick questionnaire HERE. Trust me, it feels so good to wear your clothes right-side-out, you’ll be thrilled you did it! 

The danger of empathy

I love being a guest on other podcasts. Yes, I love recording my own weekly episode for Liberate Your People Pleaser (if you haven’t caught one lately, I’d love for you to listen. Just click this link.

Today I wanted to share what was one of my favorite episodes on another host’s podcast. 

Bindi Heit hosts the Ethical Evolution Podcast and we spoke a couple of weeks ago. We got into a lot of juicy topics like: 

• When empathy goes wrong

• How comparison triggers, “not good enough”

• What happens when we try to be someone other than who we truly are

• How to give ourselves permission to be our authentic selves

I hope you’ll listen to the episode and tell me what you think? Was there one specific take-away you got from the episode? 

Listen to the episode HERE. 

I can’t wait to hear! 

How to Liberate your people pleaser?

How to liberate your people pleaser?

We have been talking about how to liberate our people pleaser for a year now in this podcast. You can’t imagine how great it feels when I get an email from a client or someone listening to this podcast telling me how an episode helped them. It literally makes my day!

We’ve celebrated 1 year of Episodes recently so I felt it was time for this episode: How to liberate your people pleaser? 

How do we really do it? 

What does it look like? 

How does your life change? 

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

It’s your birthright

It is your birthright to live in authentic power and self-expression. 

All the habits of people pleasing take us away from that birthright. 

People pleasing keeps us overly focused on others and what they want and need, at our own expense. There’s nothing authentic about that. 

There was a time when I had no idea how to live any differently. 

Even when I began to see how pleasing others at my own expense was hurting me, I didn’t know how to stop. It was the only way I knew how to live. 

It felt selfish to even think of prioritizing my own wants and needs. That’s not what “good” wives, mothers or friends did. 

Over time, I learned what I coach others to do. 

I learned how to put myself first and in doing so, I became more generous. Less selfish. More clear on who I was and what I wanted. More of who I was meant to be. More. More. 

You can have more too. It’s your birthright. 

I am opening my calendar right now to a handful of people who are ready to invest in themselves and say “yes” to their birthright of authenticity and freedom! 

Are you one of them? 

In my “It’s Your Turn” Package you get 9 private sessions over 90-days, plus Voxer (a voice messaging service) support, so anytime you need a pep-talk or get stuck, I’ll be there to coach you forward. The investment is only $1,497 for the single payment discount. A fraction of what a life lived in authentic expression and power is worth. There are payment plans if that works better for you, because, “It’s Your Turn.” It’s time to say HELL YES! to yourself! 

Just complete this simple form:  then I’ll reach out to you and we’ll decide if I’m the right coach and if now is the right time. 

Claim your birthright. 

Staying in Your Own Sandbox - Wait - What?

This came up in Cocktails and Coaching last week. 

Staying in our sandbox, instead of messing in someone else’s sandbox. 

Let me explain… 

It’s all about how, as people pleasers, it’s easy to have empathy for someone else. But then we tend to take on those feelings, take on their problems or make how they feel and what they need more important than how we feel or what we need. Right? Everyone can relate to that! 

Welcome to the sandbox metaphor. 

Imagine each of us has a sandbox. In the sandbox are all your feelings, your body, your thoughts, your desires, your wants and needs, everything that is uniquely you. It’s a gorgeous sandbox! 

Everyone has their own sandbox. With their own feelings, their body, their thoughts, desires, wants, needs and everything that is unique to them. Their sandbox is gorgeous too and it’s just right for them and their journey. 

It’s great to look over at that other sandbox and notice that they are sad, anxious, fearful, or anything else. From my sandbox, I can ask them if I can support them or I can simply be beside them, in my own sandbox, seeing and hearing them. In healthy empathy we can see the other person without taking their stuff on as if it were our own.

When we get into people pleasing we tend to hop right into their sandbox. Trying to make it better, solve their problem, change how they feel, and we give lots of advice! We’re sure, in the nicest way, that we can make their sandbox better. 

The problem is, we have to leave our sandbox to get into theirs. That’s why we end up feeling resentful or exhausted. Because we are not in our own sandbox taking care of what we need, prioritizing our feelings and self-care. 

On top of that, when we hop over to someone else’s sandbox we start robbing them of the life lessons they need in order to take care of their own sandbox. In the extreme, that means they never really learn to take care of themselves. They never learn how to create a sandbox that suits their unique life. 

Staying in our sandbox, playing, creating, living the life that brings us joy is actually the best way to “help” another person. When they see you living in freedom and joy, it allows them to get inspired to create a sandbox that brings them freedom and joy. 

Where have you hopped over into someone else's sandbox? It’s so easy to do. There’s no shame in it. Simply notice it, and get back into your own sandbox. Then fill it with all the self-care you need to recover from leaving it. 

Is “Closure” an Illusion?

Everyone talks about getting “closure” when relationships end. 

What is it that makes us think there is such a thing, or that it would help? 

Think about a relationship that you’ve had come to an end, that has been painful. It might be a romantic relationship, friendship, or even a family member. 

Or maybe you think about “closure” in regard to things that you’ve lost? A job, relationship or something of value. If so, think of that. 

What are you hoping to get with closure? 

Do you want to know “what happened?” Or, “where things went wrong?” Or the age old question, “why?”

But the answers to those questions, rarely, if ever, serve us. 

What they do is re-victimize us. 

The departing spouse gets to tell you all the things you did that they didn’t like. Or all the things that are “wrong with you” which is why they had to leave, have an affair, take your money, whatever the case may be. 

Sometimes worse, we spiral down into self-criticism - all on our own!

Filled with “I should have…” or “If only I had done/not done…” 

This is why I love the “don’t know” mind. It allows for a fresh start. 

What if you didn’t know why, never knew why, how or what ever it is, you think will give you closure? 

You start fresh, in the present moment. With exactly what is, but only what is. Nothing extra. Nothing less. 

It might look like this: I am a person betrayed by my spouse/lover who needs a place to live and needs to heal from the hurt I’ve experienced. I have a few people close to me that I can trust to love and support me during this time. I will ask for the help I need. I will take care of myself to facilitate my healing. I will seek the help of a professional. I am seeking what wants to emerge in me during this transitional and transformational time. 

Those statements honor what has happened and they empower you. You are not dependent on someone else to be okay, to heal, or to get back on your feet. Sure, you’re asking for help, and you are setting yourself up to be willing to receive help. That’s empowering! 

Now, I understand that it might be easier said than done, but I promise you it’s possible and it’s far more empowering than any imagining of closure, because it keeps you in the driver’s seat of your life! Where you belong. 

And, I am here to help you. I would love to be the professional you ask a helping hand from. It’s really a ‘facilitation’, which is a more empowering word than ‘help.’ I facilitate liberation in my clients. That way they experience true and lasting transformation. 

DM me and let me know if you could use a little facilitation into liberation! We’ll set up a call to chat and decide if now is the right time and if I am the right coach for you. 

What if There Was a Solution for Everything?

Thankfully, there is. Even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. 

Join me in today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser for a power process to take you from feeling like there’s no solution (victim mode) to finding a solution (possibility and power mode.) 

Today I’m interviewing Lori Baker-Schena who is a coach, motivational speaker and leadership trainer. Lori and I had a dynamic conversation about finding solutions and the gap between and awareness of something that needs to change, and the ability to actually change it. 

You won’t want to miss this episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser. 

Listen to it HERE.

Can Sex be a Gateway to Awakening?

Do you think sex can be a gateway to your own personal, professional and spiritual awakening? 

My podcast guest, Dominey Drew and I, as we discuss how sex and pleasure play a role in our awakening at all levels. 

Dominey and I will share very personal stories - you might want to grab your headphones - and open up about our own awakenings. 

This episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser may stretch your current paradigm about awakening… so I encourage you to open your heart and mind and join us for this amazing conversation! 

Listen to the episode HERE. 

In love, light and awakening, 

Brenda

PS This is in the show notes, but to make it easy…. To connect with Dominey find her on IG: @DomineyDrew - or email her at domineydrew@gmail.com  You can book a call with her, tell her you found her on the Liberate Your People Pleaser Podcast:

https://calendly.com/domineydrewcoaching/exclusive-access-consult

I bet this has happened to you…

Unsolicited advice. 

As people pleasers there are a lot of times we feel like we really need to tell someone what we see, or think they need. 

We see what others need because of our powerful gift of intuition, empathy and insight. 

Here’s the problem. 

To them, it’s unsolicited advice. 

So what do we do? 

Are we holding our tongue and not speaking our truth if we don’t say anything? 

I’ll clear all this up in today's episode, which was inspired by an email I received recently from a listener. 

So, keep those emails, comments and DMs coming! I love to address your specific challenge or question here on Liberate Your People Pleaser.