Where do you want to be?

I have a lot of clients who know where they are. 

• They are sick of having the same fight with their spouse/lover over and over. 

• They are tired of struggling in their business or career.

• They are angry at themselves for not having the difficult conversation with that difficult person in their life.

• They are exhausted from doing so much for others and running out of time to take care of themselves. 

They also usually know where they want to be. 

• They want to feel in charge of their life.

• Make decisions that prioritize what they want and need.

• Get clarity on the career or business issue.

• Have the courage to have that difficult conversation.

So how do they get there? 

That’s the question I’m answering today’s podcast episode on Uncover and Elevate.

You can listen to today’s episode HERE.

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

How People Pleasing can Keep us Silent at Work?

In today’s episode I am joined by Genesis Amaris Kemp who is a speaker, author and podcast host of Gems Podcast. 

We have a dynamic conversation about inclusion and diversity and people pleasing in the workplace.

We’ll dive into how do we create a setting to have open and diverse conversations in our professional environments. Where people feel seen and heard. Where we can create an atmosphere of respect and honor each other including the differences between us. 

We also talk about how the habit of people pleasing can keep us silent and “going along” rather than speaking up for what is true for us. 

Listen to today’s episode HERE. 

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Find out more about Genesis at her website: www.https://beacons.ai/genesisamariskemp

Get the first chapter of her book, “Chocolate Drop in Corporate America” HERE.

Divergent thinking and access to creative problem solving

So, what is creative Divergent thinking? Divergent thinking is a thought process or method used to generate creative ideas by exploring many possible solutions. 

The goal of divergent thinking is to generate many different ideas about a topic in a short period of time. Following divergent thinking, the ideas and information will be organized using convergent thinking; i.e., putting the various ideas back together in some organized, structured way. You can use divergent thinking activities as quick warm-ups to activate creativity or as a brain-break in the middle of a more analytical task.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep on this topic with my guest,Bella Englebach. Bella Englebach has been applying divergent thinking to operations and R&D for over fifteen years. Trained as a scientist, she helps people to see that the heart of “lean” improvement is the scientific method. She works with leaders and managers to create environments where problems can be seen, innovative solutions can be discovered and tested, and people can truly drive improvement.

What you will discover:

- What is Divergent thinking, and how to access it?

- How do we start to lose our creativity?

- What is the difference between divergent thinking & conversion thinking ?

- Why getting attached to Ideas is dangerous?

And much more… Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

How to Set a Boundary With a Difficult Person

Setting healthy boundaries with difficult people can be, well, difficult.

We all have at least one person in our life: the over-sharer, the over-asker, the over-stepper. Maybe they come over unannounced. Maybe they borrow things but rarely return them. Maybe they push relentlessly to turn your "no" into a "yes." They are boundary-crossers — and believe it or not, you do have the power to stop them.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some  very important question regarding today’ topic:

How to Set Boundaries with Difficult People?

How do you know if you need to set boundaries with someone?

How does setting boundaries benefit you?

What is the knowing and doing gap? 

And much more.. Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Give them what they want!

Here’s what happens with lots of my clients. 

They tell me what they want! Of course! It sounds like, “Can you just give me the steps?” 

It seems like a fair question. Clients hire me to get them from where they are to where they want to go. They need the steps! 

You’ve probably heard me say there’s no formula. 

I’m a big believer in life being way too interesting and complex for a one-size-fits-all formula that solves our problems. 

No. I don’t believe in formulas. We are too unique for formulas.

But here’s what I’ve found. I’ve got a framework I use to start unraveling what was going on for each client and get them to where they want to go. 

I call it, The Solve It Method™. Because, frankly, it solves any problem life can throw at us. 

What is The Solve It Method™? It have four very powerful and impactful components:

1. Desires

2. Thoughts

3. Feelings

4. Inspired Action

They aren’t a hierarchy, which is why it’s not a formula to me. 

They are key elements to solving a problem and to experience liberation. 

I’ll share how it’s worked for me personally. 

1. Desire. I need to know what I desire. This includes my passions, interests, the things that intrigue me and compel me to action. They have to be mine. Not what I think my family wants me to desire, or my friends, or the culture. For me, now, it’s coaching, writing, speaking, living near the beach, fabulous relationships with family and friends, taking care of my body, fashion, food, wine and travel… to name a few. 

2. Thoughts. What are my thoughts about each of these desires? This is where you dig up any thoughts of “not good enough” or “not enough money,” “not enough time,” etc. These are our limiting beliefs. I’ve had a deep belief all my life that I don’t get to have what I want. So, I can get really freaked out if I even get close to getting what I want, because I think it will be taken away from me. One important thing about these thoughts; in one part of our intellect, we may not even BELIEVE them. If you asked me if I believe I get what I want, I would say, generally, yes. Of course I don’t get everything I want, but I’ve had a great life! However, when I’m struggling with certain things I get this very distinct thought that I don’t get to have what I want. When the going gets tough, that unconscious belief comes alive! And our unconscious beliefs will always rule the day. 

3. Feelings. Wow! I am more and more impressed with how much our feelings impact everything! And the power we have to choose how we feel independent of circumstances. Two years ago when I had almost nooooo money, and I mean that quite literally. Often less than $100 to my name, I learned how to feel abundant, even without money. It wasn’t easy, but damn! It was liberating to know I had the power to do that! 

4. Inspired Action. This is the action you take when you’ve identified a desire, your thoughts are positive and loving about achieving that desire and your feeling empowered and confident. 

All of our “problems” pop up when one, or more, of these four is out of alignment. Sometimes we take action and we can’t sustain our momentum. We lose the excitement early on. Instead of “pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps” and “soldering on,” like most of us were taught, I coach people to stop and reevaluate. It’s quite possible their desire has shifted or changed in some way. That’s why it’s so hard to take consistent action. If we dig into the desire and realize it’s still there, then we have to look at the thoughts or feelings that are making taking action so difficult. My client’s and I always find them. 

Because if our desires, thoughts, feelings and actions are all in alignment we’re living in joy. 

Living in joy doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Frankly, that would be boring. It does mean that we feel a joy and a certain ease in pursuing the desire. It just “feels” right. 

Think about something in your life that isn’t working 100% for you, right now. Apply these for elements to it and see if you can find the piece(s) that are out of place. 

I’d love to hear from you and know what you figured out. And if it causes you to feel like it’s time to get a coach to help you through it all, then I’d love to explore working with you. I have a few one-on-one coaching spots open right now, so book a 15-Minute Discovery Call and we’ll see if I’m the right coach for you and if the timing is right. Book your call HERE.

I’ve got some resistance! Do you?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed some things I’m having some resistance to. 

Who cares, you might ask?

I’ve learned that resistance is a fantastic indicator of where I am out of alignment with what’s best for me. 

Here’s some popular items of resistance, see if you can relate to at least one of them: 

• Having a conversation with a family member, your lover or someone at work. You know you should, but then you rationalize all the reasons “it won’t do any good anyway.” And, you keep resisting the conversation.

• Pleasure. Whether it’s because you’re busy and like me, you move pretty fast, so slowing down for pleasure isn’t easy for you, or you’re not used to even considering what taking time for pleasure would look like for you, you’re waiting for a  more convenient time… you keep resisting pleasure.

• A project that tugs at you. It could be clearing out a closet, starting a garden or leaving your soul-sucking job and starting a business you’re passionate about. Every time this project tugs at you, you push it away, put it on the back burner, in short… you resist it. 

• Looking at your credit card balances or finances. It feels overwhelming. It stresses you out. You tell yourself you aren’t good with money and you resist your money situation. 

There are many things in life we can be in resistance to. 

Here’s the silver lining. 

Resistance is a gift. 

Resistance shows us what we need to move towards or move away from. 

That’s right. Resistance doesn’t always mean we’re avoiding something we NEED to do, like pleasure. That’s how we usually think of resistance. It’s keeping us from something good for us. 

Pleasure is good for you. It’s good for your mental and physical health. In the case of pleasure, resistance is likely an unconscious punishment or a way you are withholding from yourself. 

When is resistance telling us to move away from something? Let’s take the project. Maybe it’s a project of obligation (throwing your parents a 50th anniversary party.) The truth is, you don’t want to do it. Bam! Resistance shows up in an attempt to get you to align with your truth. You don’t want to throw a party. 

Even resistance to something like finances could be a sign that you need to engage someone to help you with your finances. This can be a tricky one because there’s so much money shame in our culture!! Whether you have too much, not enough, spend too much or are miserly, judgement is flying every which way around money. You could be resisting out of a shamed view of your skills with money or resisting because it’s just not your thing and you need your spouse to handle the finances or hire someone to help you with it. 

The moral of the story… your resistance is your friend. 

Get him/her/they a cup of coffee/tea/Kombucha and find out what the gift is that resistance has for you. 

If you need a little help, I’m here! It can be hard to figure out if resistance is taking towards or away from something. A couple of sessions will give you the clarity you need to drop the resistance and move toward or away from something with confidence! 

Book a call and let’s see if now is the time for you to get the clarity and confidence you crave!

How Does People Pleasing Impact Success?

Often our gifts and talents as a people pleaser help us succeed at work, or in our business…. Until our people pleasing gets in our way. 

When we keep our gifts and talents expressed from the perspective of what’s in my highest good right now? What interests me? What do I want? Then you are using your people pleasing habits as a super-power instead of something that diminishes, exhausts and overwhelms you. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I share a very personal story of my professional career where I ended up taking a “mis-step” because I wasn’t tuning into what was in my highest good. 

You’ll get the tools I used to get myself back into alignment with my highest good. 

I’d love to hear how the tools are working for you or if you have a question as you continue to liberate your people pleaser! 

Listen to today’s episode HERE. 

This is What My Client Asked For!

“Can you just give me the steps?” 

It seems like a fair question. She hired me to help her in her career and with her relationship with her boyfriend. 

She was sincere. 

She would do the work. 

What are the steps? 

You’ve probably heard me say there’s no formula. 

I’m a big believer in life being way too interesting and complex for a one-size-fits-all formula that solves our problems. 

No. I don’t believe in formulas. You are too unique. I am too. 

But here’s what I’ve found. It’s not a formula and it wasn’t the easy 4-steps my client was asking for, but it did give her the framework she needed to start unraveling what was going on in her career and relationship that brought her into coaching with me. 

What are the big four? 

1. Desires

2. Thoughts

3. Feelings

4. Inspired Action

They aren’t a hierarchy, which is why it’s not a formula to me. 

They are key elements to all liberation. 

This works for me as much as any client, so I’ll get personal. 

1. Desire. I need to know what I desire. This includes my passions, interests, the things that intrigue me and compel me to action. They have to be mine. Not what I think my family wants me to desire, or my friends, or the culture. For me, now, it’s coaching, writing, speaking, living near the beach, fabulous relationships with family and friends, taking care of my body, fashion, food, wine and travel… to name a few. 

2. Thoughts. What are my thoughts about each of these desires? This is where you dig up any thoughts of “not good enough” or “not enough money,” “not enough time,” etc. These are our limiting beliefs. I’ve had a deep belief all my life that I don’t get to have what I want. So, I can get really freaked out if I even get close to getting what I want, because I think it will be taken away from me. One important thing about these thoughts; in one part of our intellect, we may not even BELIEVE them. If you asked me if I believe I get what I want, I would say, generally, yes. Of course I don’t get everything I want, but I’ve had a great life! However, when I’m struggling with certain things I get this very distinct thought that I don’t get to have what I want. When the going gets tough, that unconscious believe comes alive! And our unconscious beliefs will always rule the day. 

3. Feelings. Wow! I am more and more impressed with how much our feelings impact everything! And the power we have to choose how we feel independent of circumstances. Two years ago when I had almost nooooo money, and I mean that quite literally. Often less than $100 to my name, I learned how to feel abundant, even without money. It wasn’t easy, but damn! It was liberating to know I had the power to do that! 

4. Inspired Action. This is the action you take when you’ve identified a desire, your thoughts are positive and loving about achieving that desire and your feeling empowered and confident. 

All of our “problems” pop up when one, or more, of these four is out of alignment. Sometimes we take action and we can’t sustain our momentum. We lose the excitement early on. Instead of “pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps” and “soldering on,” like most of us were taught, I coach people to stop and reevaluate. It’s quite possible their desire has shifted or changed in some way. That’s why it’s so hard to take consistent action. If we dig into the desire and realize it’s still there, then we have to look at the thoughts or feelings that are making taking action so difficult. My client’s and I always find them. 

Because if our desires, thoughts, feelings and actions are all in alignment we’re living in joy. 

Living in joy doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Frankly, that would be boring. It does mean that we feel a joy and a certain ease in pursuing the desire. It just “feels” right. 

Think about something in your life that isn’t working 100% for you, right now. Apply these for elements to it and see if you can find the piece(s) that are out of place. 

I’d love to hear from you and know what you figured out. And if it caused you to feel like it’s time to get a coach to help you through it all, then I’d love to explore working with you. I have a few one-on-one coaching spots open right now, so book a 15-Minute Discovery Call and we’ll see if I’m the right coach for you and if the timing is right. Book your call HERE.

Do You Feel Successful?

I was in a Clubhouse room the other day participating in a discussion about success; how we define it and how it changes as we age and the world changes. 

If you haven’t heard, Clubhouse is a new social media space, currently, for iPhone only users. It’s an interesting format that I’m enjoying. If you’re on Clubhouse, I’d love for you to follow me and invite me to any rooms you’re in. I plan to start hosting my own rooms soon. 

Anyway, back to success, it was an intriguing discussion and made me realize how much people pleasing had influenced, or completely defined what I thought success was for much of my life. 

It’s so easy to define success by our family standards, society's standards, or our spouse’s standards. Even our friends can influence it. 

So my question to you is, if you were dropped in the middle of a new land, where no one knew you and no one had any preconceived ideas about what you’re good at, or what you like to do. And, you could be the version of yourself that feels the most authentic to you today. Not how you were 10 years ago, five or even one year ago. Clean slate. No expectations. 

And, just for fun, lets add the juicy detail that the place you’ve landed in, is your absolute favorite! Everything you see, hear and smell is exactly the way you love it! All your favorite things to do, see and experience are available to you. It’s your personal Disneyland… or version of heaven on earth. 

Now. What would you do to earn money? It’s a natural desire to want to contribute to the greater good. So, whether it seems like a “serious profession” or not, what would you like to do in exchange for money? 

How would you define success? Not just in regard to what you do in exchange for money, but for your whole life? Because success is a much larger topic than our careers or businesses. 

Tell me about it. Let go of all the ways you’ve prioritized your family’s needs or expectations, your cultural expectations, your company’s expectations, etc… and tell me what you would do and how you would define success. 

I can’t wait to hear!

Why I Threw Out My Self-Help Books!

Don’t get me wrong, I love all books. Especially self-help books! 

And yet… those books didn’t help me make the lasting changes that I’ve made. 

So, now, I have thrown out almost all of my self-help books and I spend my money on programs, coaching and courses with teachers who I know will help me make the leap I’m looking for. 

Why? 

Because I’ve learned that sustainable transformations takes very specific work. It can’t be mass produced for a mass audience. 

Transformation that lasts, changing habits and patterns that we’ve had since we were probably kids, takes a lot more than reading how-to strategies and being inspired by someone. 

It takes someone listening to my specific problem, my specific limiting belief, combined with my specific personality and my life experiences. 

When I do that we get to the root of an issue, rather than messing around with the symptoms that I thought were the problem. 

Case in point, clients in my Be Seen and Heard package, need to talk about their specific relationship challenges. Their unique history and stories. My process is similar with each client  -- I could write a book about the process -- but, how I use the process is different with each client. 

That’s why their results are so huge after each session. Sure, it takes multiple sessions, and costs more than a book does, to get where they want to go, but they know it’s a journey. It was a journey to get them where they are in their relationship, they know it’s going to take time to create lasting change and begin to chart a new journey. 

The other thing my clients have in common is they want results that last. Not a quick, pick-me-up, they want a shift that is palpable. 

One client put it this way, “Brenda is awesome! I’ve had much clarity and shifted the energy I was coming into my relationship with. I highly recommend her coaching package!”

So, I wonder, what is it that you want to see a lasting change in? It might not be your relationship, it might be your career, business, relationship with your mother, money or how to truly let go of your adult children. 

I’ve got you. I can be the coach that guides you into the lasting change you long for. We can create a package specific to your situation. Schedule your call with me and we’ll create a plan. Toss the self-help books. Invest in something that will transform you. Schedule your call here. Together, we’ll create the lasting change you are looking for.