What do you want to give yourself this holiday season?

There’s nothing more impactful than the gift of self-love and self-care. 

But, those are easier said than done! Am I right? 

Everyone talks about self-care and self-love, but how do we actually DO IT?! 

And how do we do it without it becoming one more thing on our too long to-do list, or one more thing on our list of self-criticisms because we aren’t doing it!? 

Start here. 

Wipe the slate clean. Today is a fresh starting point. 

How can you love and care for yourself today? 

It might be to take one thing off your to-do list, because… you can. I know you want to do it or feel like you should, but if it doesn’t feel loving, be brave enough to take it off and feel how loving it is! 

It might be scheduling a self-care service for yourself. A mani/pedi or massage. Or how about a service to make your life easier like calling a cleaning service, even if it’s just for one time, or getting your gifts wrapped. 

It might be giving yourself the gift of my luxury retreat, Elevate Your Life. This retreat will be transformational. You’ll be able to take self-care and self-love to the next level. You’ll get time and sacred space with a few like-minded women to elevate every area of your life that needs elevating. You will leave feeling relaxed, cared-for and rejuvenated. Get all the deets and secure your spot HERE. 

Whatever you do, just start. Choose yourself. Everyone in your life will benefit from it. 

Today is a fresh starting point.

Do You Need a Break?

I did! And I’m taking it! 

I’m on vacation this week! I’ve chosen a lovely staycation, since I’ve recently moved to paradise, I didn’t want to leave! 

What I did want was: 

• A break from social media

• A break from my typical routine

• Extended time for relaxing by the pool, or at the beach, with a good book

• Time to dream about what’s important to me

• Time to dream about what I want my future to look like

• Time to do nothing

What about you? Even though I may not respond until next week, I’d love to know what you want? It might be some down time, it might be to start a project that is meaningful to you, it might be to soak in a long hot bath. 

What do you want? 

Does this Surprise You?

The other day my 10 year old grandson said, “Grandma B, I really like how you respect my boundaries. Not everyone does.” 

You can pick yourself up off the floor now! 

First of all, that this 10 year old boy is so emotionally intelligent that he knows what boundaries are and how to set them is a miracle and testament to his Mom and Dad. 

Second, because I grew up with a Mother who had no boundaries, and I didn’t learn what boundaries were until I was in my 30’s, that comment was a huge compliment to me! 

People Pleasers usually suck at setting boundaries and often they don’t respect other’s. Not because they aren’t willing. It’s more like they don’t understand boundaries, so they don’t know how to respect them. I’ve coached people who didn't even really know what a boundary is. 

What’s your relationship with boundaries? 

Are you able to set boundaries? 

To say, “No,” when you mean no. 

To tell someone you don’t want to hear their racist jokes. 

To speak up when someone does or says something that diminishes or dismisses you. 

Boundaries give us confidence. 

Boundaries are an act of self-care and self-love. 

Do you need help with setting boundaries? 

That’s what I’m here for. 

I’ve got a Boundaries for People Pleasers Package that’s perfect for you! You’ll get four private sessions with me, plus worksheets to support your boundary setting during our four sessions and beyond.  

You’ll learn what to say and what to do to get your boundaries in place. Once you have your boundaries identified, you need to learn how to communicate them clearly. Then you need to know what to do when they aren’t respected! After these four sessions, you’ll be the boundary Queen or King! 

Email me, brenda@brendaflorida.com and I’ll tell you more about the Boundaries for People Pleasers Package. It’s just what the doctor ordered!

Is This a Time For Decadence?

I think it is! 

The decadence of knowing who we are. 

The decadence of knowing how we can best serve the world. 

The decadence of unapologetic self expression. 

Does it seem like a pipe-dream to you? 

What is your relationship with decadence like? Troubled? Thriving? You’re strangers who have never met? You met and were too scared to see what it had to offer? 

It’s a topic we’ve been exploring in my private FB Group, Liberate Your People Pleaser this week. I’ve done several FB Lives. Check them out and join, if you aren’t a member, HERE.

Tell me about it in the comments below or email me at brenda@brendaflorida.com

It’s a topic I’ll be teaching on in my new virtual workshop, Own Your Brilliance. (More to come on that in the coming weeks.)

I can’t wait to hear about you and decadence!

Did I Just Hear a Dirty Word?

People Pleaser.

It’s not a dirty word because it’s bad. Or because there’s something “wrong” with people who are people pleasers!

I’m one.

It’s a dirty word because of what it does to us.

Our people pleaser will get us twisted into a knot before we know it.

We’re second-guessing everything.

We lose our confidence.

Feel like an imposter.

Anxiety levels skyrocket as we try to figure out how to make everyone happy.

But how do we stop?

We stop by loving ourselves. Simple, yet profound.

Turn it all inward baby!

Here’s the really awesome thing about being a people pleaser – this is why I said there wasn’t anything “wrong” with being one…

We are very generous.

We are loving.

We are intuitive.

We are empathetic.

I could go on and on.

People pleasing is like chocolate cake. A little bit is great, but you can make yourself sick on too much!

Too much unchecked generosity, love and empathy will get us using those super-powers of intuition, love, generosity and empathy in ways that exhausts and drains us.

Our boundaries go weak.

We stop taking care of ourselves.

We feel like there’s never enough time.

We worry… a lot!

Let’s clean things up.

Tune into yourself. Yes, it’s okay to use that intuition on yourself! What do you need?

Love yourself. I work with clients on this all the time. Self-love cures everything. Pure and simple.

Be generous with yourself. Allow yourself some pleasure. Read a book. Lay in a hammock. Take a walk. Take a day off and do whatever the hell you want to. Whatever your soul needs.

Give yourself some of that empathy. Empathy is the art of “taking the perspective of another.” What is your perspective? Sometimes we get so busy doing for others we totally ignore our own experience.

Love is the secret weapon.

Use it on yourself.

xoxo,

Brenda

PS Most of us need help to turn on our superpowers of people pleasing and turn off the aspects that diminish and exhaust us. I’ve got three openings in my calendar for one-on-one clients. Let’s hop on a 15-minute call and see if it’s right for you. Schedule your call here. I can’t wait to chat with you.

Are You Ready For Your Turn?

Do you feel like you’ve given… and given… and given…

You want YOUR TURN!

Our lifestyles are different now. There’s no “normal.”

We’re home… a lot!

Your “invisible workload” has increased.

You probably know about the invisible workload. It’s all the things you do and keep track of in your head that nobody notices… unless you don’t do it, or forget something!

All women have an invisible workload. Some men do, but this is mainly a feminine issue.

You keep track of what’s in the fridge, what everyone likes, and doesn’t like, whose birthday is coming up and has a card or gift been purchased, wrapped, mailed? Is it time to buy cat food/dog food/gerbil food? Not to mention the important question of 2020… do we have toilet paper in the house!

And it’s not just the physical needs. Often, you are caring for the emotional needs of family and friends. You are helping them with their anxiety.

It’s easy to put the needs of others ahead of our own.

There’s a price to pay when you don’t take your turn.

I’ve learned the hard way, the exhausted way, that I am the only one who can call a time-out and give MYSELF A TURN! I had to wake up to my unique deliciousness.

You have a unique deliciousness about you.

You’re tired, frustrated and at your wits end because she is asking you to notice her. For you to step into her power and love.

We’ve been conditioned to be asleep, to forget about our unique deliciousness.

Most of us have been taught that our unique deliciousness is not as important as the needs and wants of others. Or that it’s selfish to focus on it. Hell, some of us were taught that we don’t even have unique deliciousness.

It’s not true!

You are a unique delicious gift to the world. The one and only.

Breathe that in.

Wake up to your unique deliciousness. She’s been calling you.  

Give yourself one hour in the next day or two.

Choose to be awake, remember and get to know your unique deliciousness. You didn’t lose her. You don’t need to find her. She’s right there, waiting.

·      Read a book

·      Take a nap

·      Go for a walk

·      Listen to something inspirational

·      Take a bath

·      Watch side-splitting YouTube videos

I can’t wait to hear what you did and how you felt with your unique deliciousness! Hit reply and tell me about it.

If it feels too impossible find your unique deliciousness or you don’t think you have it, definitely hit reply and tell me about that!  

In love, from my unique deliciousness to yours,

Brenda

P.S. I’ve got 3 spots open, right now, for one-on-one clients. Hit reply and let me know you’re interested in exploring what it would be like to work together. Your unique deliciousness has important information for you. We can tap into her together. You don’t need to figure it out alone.  

You Deserve a "Yes!"

Summer is nearing its end. 

Did you do the things you wanted to? 

Or are you like most of us, looking back, thinking, “where the hell did summer go?” 

It’s the perfect time to re-group. 

To grab your “yes!” for the summer!

What do you want? What are you longing for? 

·     Sleep

·     Self-care

·     Self-love 

·     To start a project, you’ve been putting off

·     To deal with a relationship or issue that just won’t go away!

This is where I come in. 

That’s my super-power. 

Helping clients find their truth (not mine, not societies, not their spouses, or mother’s) and take action that gives them the, “Yes!” they’ve been longing for. 

What sort of “Yes!” can you expect when you work with me? Good question. 

Here are some examples.

MY CLIENTS HAVE:

• Learned how to stop putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own so they can finally take care of themselves and pursue their own passions

• Stopped the cycle of shame and pursued an entrepreneurial dream

• Activated confidence, emotionally and sexually, to begin dating, after a relationship ended badly

• Found the blocks that led to overwhelm, and the clarity needed to change their business offerings

• Found the confidence needed to leave a marriage that wasn’t in alignment anymore

• Ended the pattern of getting into romantic relationships that didn’t support them

• Released professional blocks and limiting beliefs that kept her professional performance and income limited which increased her income and status in her company

• Gained the confidence to pursue new employment opportunities after being fired

• Let go of past traumas to pursue the lifestyle, relationships and careers they never felt worthy of

Here’s what one of my recent clients told me after her final session: “I really do feel like a shiny new person Brenda. Thanks be to you always. You have changed my life forever.”

Now, I’d call that a “Yes!”  

Come get yours. 

I’ve got a few spots open for one-on-one clients right now. 

I’d love to talk to you and see if I can help you and if so, how. 

Say, “Yes!” to a 15-minute Discovery Call and we’ll figure it out. Click here to check out my coaching page and schedule your Discovery Call today. 

On a Scale of Zero to Freaked Out! Where are you?

It’s easy to be freaked out!

From politics and global warning, to our careers and families, to our personal wants and dreams.

What do you do when you’re freaked out?

• Do you shop too much?
• Drink too much?
• Over-eat?
• Deprive yourself?
• Lose sleep?
• Get angry?
• Compulsively busy yourself with distractions?
• Slip into denial?
• “Awfulize” (Imagine the worst possible outcome and feeling as if the terrible outcome has occurred, even though it hasn’t happened.)

What if there’s another way?

Can we approach our most difficult challenges with poise, power, purpose and even, pleasure?

I’m here to tell you, it’s possible.

I’m a big fan of poise, power and purpose. But today…let’s focus on pleasure.

Pleasure Power.

Is that even a thing? Pleasure Power?

I assure you it is.

Pleasure can change your life.

Not matter how awful it is. No matter how freaked out you are. Pleasure has power in it. The power to shift your mindset and even, open a door.

Let me tell you a story. Recently, I was totally freaked out! I had a very difficult situation ahead of me. It was real. This was not a challenge in my imagination, it was real and barreling down on me.

These are the times when I know I need to put my own coaching skills to the test. What’s the point of being a coach if I’m not practicing what I preach?

I stopped my dizzying mind and asked, “What would give me pleasure right now?” Let me say that even asking the question takes some preparation. You see, if you’re in your dizzying mind when you ask that question you may get an answer like, “Drink a shaker full of Cosmos!” or “Get on Nordstrom.com and buy some new shoes!” (I have clearly just revealed two of my weaknesses!)

First, stop the dizzying mind. Take some slow, intentional breaths. The breath is the fastest way to begin to change your mind and body chemistry. Slow down. Breathe. Then ask, “How can I give myself pleasure right now?”

It’s important that you think of something that can be done immediately. You’re breaking the freak-out pattern, so “book a massage for next week,” won’t help. We want an immediate interruption to move from freaking out to pleasure.

For me it was simple. A hot bath, lavender Epsom salts and ____________. (Put your “adult” thinking cap on to fill in the blank, I don’t want to go all TMI with you!)

When I got out of the tub, I felt different. Allowing my body to experience pleasure had given me the mind shift I needed to go from awfulizing and being freaked-out to the reality that there are infinite possibilities when I’m poised and open enough to become aware of them.

When we tap into our pleasure power, we tap into possibility. We ask smart questions. We ask for help if we need it. We aren’t freaked out.

How will you tap into your pleasure power today?

What am I? Invisible?

I’ve often asked myself that question.

I spent much of my life with the feeling I wasn’t being seen or heard. Feeling invisible.

It’s human nature to want to be seen and heard. Your dislike of that feeling of being invisible is a good thing! The problem isn’t that we want to be seen and heard. The problem is either we aren’t communicating our truth and/or we’re hanging around with the wrong people.  

Know your truth

For some people this is easy. For me, it wasn’t. There have been plenty of times in my life where I didn’t have clarity on my own feelings, beliefs and what was true for me.

There were also plenty of times I knew what my truth was, I simply didn’t have the courage to speak it.

We can’t be seen and heard if we aren’t speaking our truth.

But, what if you speak your truth and others truly are not listening?

Find your tribe

We all need people in our lives who share our truths or at least understand them. These are the ones who ‘get us.’ These beautiful folks are in our tribe. They are the easiest people to be around.

We’re all challenged with people who don’t share our truths, who don’t get us. Let’s make one important distinction with this group.

There are people who don’t share our truth and don’t get us, but they don’t criticize us for being different than they are. They aren’t judging us or constantly trying to get us to change our truth. These are people we can be with on some level. There may not be a lot intimacy, due to the lack of shared values, but we can work with them and socialize with them without feeling diminished or dismissed.

Then there are those who are…

Not in your tribe

These are the folks it’s time to move away from. I mean that literally or emotionally. You don’t need everyone to see and hear you. But you need those who don’t, the people you feel invisible with, to be on the outer edges of your life, or not in your life at all.

You may work with these people. You may live with these people. These people may be in your families. They can be anywhere. What do you do?

Clean your tribal home

It may be time to make some hard decisions.

Start by making sure you’re telling your truth in love. That your talking about yourself, your needs, wants, beliefs and what is true for you, not blaming the other person. This is one of those times it’s all about you, kid!

Once your house is in order, you may need to evaluate whether you’re in alignment with your job and relationships in your life. You may need to leave some people and groups because they aren’t in your tribe. That can be difficult, but it seems to always pay off.

I am always surprised at the rush of energy I get when I break away from people and jobs or groups that are not in alignment with me. It doesn’t make them bad or wrong, just not what’s best for me.

Think of it like an archery target. The bull's eye is right in the center, and it’s small. That spot is for people you feel in total alignment with, but it’s a small space because we don’t usually have more than a couple of those at a time in our lives. Then the circles move outward. A little farther away from you, until you get to that outer edge. Those folks are so far away from you, you hardly notice them.

Your tribe is inside or near near the bull's eye, then you move out from there. Keep the people who don’t see and hear you on that outer edge.

When we surround ourselves with people who see and hear us, we live lavishly!