I posted that question on social media this week and got some interesting answers!
If you don’t follow me on social media, I’m @lavishbrenda on IG and have a private FB Group, Liberate Your People Pleaser you can join HERE.
Some of the things being left behind: self-doubt, the need for acceptance and approval, uncertainty, relationships where they aren’t seen, heard and valued, jobs that suck the life out of them, and my personal “leave-behind,” scarcity.
As people pleasers it’s so easy to get caught in the fear of all those things. Notice, everything that we want to leave behind was created through fear.
Fear motivates most of the behaviors that hold us back. Fear of being rejected. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of failing. Fear of not being loved and accepted. Fear of making a mistake or “failing” in some way.
What do we do about it?.
Fear is like a bully. Once you face it, it begins to shrink.
For instance, the fear that you won’t be loved and accepted is part of why you’re in a relationship where you aren’t seen and heard. How do I know? Because if you weren’t afraid of being loved and accepted, you would simply and clearly ask for what you want and need. If your partner, coworker, boss or friend repeatedly ignored or dismissed your wants and needs, you wouldn’t tolerate it.
You naturally attract people into your life who reflect your inner love and acceptance.
I used to have a lot of fear about being loved and accepted. I felt so invisible growing up, that I was naturally drawn to people who would repeat that pattern for me. Romantic relationships is where I had most of my challenges, but I have clients that have it at work, with friends, even random strangers.
Fear keeps us silent. Fear keeps us prioritizing others. Fear keeps us from being seen and heard.
Once I unraveled that fear (that’s the hard part, but trust me, it can be done. I did it. I coach others on how to do it) I seemed to magically be surrounded by people who genuinely loved me, accepted me and were happy to hear about what I wanted and needed.
Voila! I was seen and heard! By all sorts of people!
Now I can spot it right away when someone isn’t interested in seeing me and hearing me.
It’s extremely empowering!
What fear do you need to let go of? You don’t have to know how. It starts with recognizing it and looking at it. Noticing all the places it weaves itself into your life. Fear can be quite insidious. When we look at it, we open the door to releasing it.
Let me know in the comments the fear you’re ready to look in the eye and leave behind!