What if getting lost is a good thing?

I think we all feel lost at times. 

We lose ourselves in our kids, spouses, jobs and in the responsibility of caring for others. 

Sometimes we get lost in life transitions. We move, have a baby, the baby goes to school, the baby grows up and leaves home, we get divorced or widowed, we lose a job or a friend.

All of life's transitions create opportunities to lose ourselves. We get so wrapped up in other people, their needs, their wants, the tasks at hand to pack up our belongings or adjust to a new job and a new city, and in the process, you stop thinking about yourself. 

Then one day you wake up and realize, little by little, piece by piece, you've given yourself away and you're not sure why or how it happened. 

If you're in that place now, please know, you are not alone. We've all done it. And you can take yourself back. Find yourself again. One piece at a time. 

Here's the real shocker.

I think it's good when we lose ourselves. 

Seriously??

Yes. I think it means it's time to rebuild. To reexamine your perspective of who you are and what you want. 

Losing yourself is actually an opening. It's a chance to reevaluate what you want in your life. It's like your psyche is helping you wipe the slate clean.  

If you happen to be in that place now, where you feel lost, where you've forgotten what you like and what excites you, then stop for a moment and be grateful for the journey. Tell yourself that this feeling lost is a gift. It's allowing you to look at everything you do and every relationship in your life and ask a very important question, "Is this loving to me?" Then you pause and wait for the answer. 

The answers don't always come immediately. 

Give yourself time and space. Don't press or push for the answers. Be open to whatever comes. 

When the answer comes, don't argue with it. Be open to possibility. Be open to a new way. That's why life brings us to these places. To give us a chance to find a new way. Maybe the answer is, "I need more help with the kids (or aging parent or disabled spouse.)" Don't dismiss it and tell yourself you can't afford it. Take that answer seriously. 

Explore possibilities. Rearrange your budget. Find help through community services or local churches. Barter something you enjoy doing for child-care or housecleaning or whatever it is you need. You'd be surprised how well bartering for services works. 

Be willing to give up something you didn't think you could give up. I don't mean give up taking care of yourself, I mean, give up volunteering at school or church. Or, give up a community organization you're involved in. If it doesn't pass the test of, "is this loving to me?" then it needs to go. Maybe it doesn't go forever, but it needs to go for now. 

Life leads us towards life. 

It is part of our nature to be driven towards life. To grow, not shrink. To live, not die. To flourish, not stagnate. When we feel lost, when we see ourselves shrinking and stagnate, it's a sign. A sign we need to examine our lives and move towards what is loving to us. One tiny step at a time. Move towards love. 

Inner Critic or Inner Cheerleader?

Do you wish you had an inner cheerleader instead of an inner critic?

How many times a day do you catch yourself saying something harsh to yourself?

“That was dumb.”

“I can’t believe you did that!”

“Who do you think you are?”

What if you replaced it with:

“You’re beautiful.”

“I knew you would keep going until you found the solution.”

“I love the way you ______ (cook, fold cloths, dress, treat others, etc.)”

“Your kindness and generosity are inspiring.”

I bet you would be a lot happier.

I bet you would be a lot more productive.

I bet your light would shine even brighter in the world. And goodness knows we need that!

Here’s the deal. I’m shooting straight here. It’s as simple as changing your thoughts. And yes, that can be simple and hard at the same time.

It’s hard to stop something that comes so easily. Ask yourself, “did I think about criticizing myself before I did it?” Probably not. That thought simply appeared in your mind. Boom. There it is. Like a two-year-old that wandered into the yard.

When we let a two-year-old wander in the yard, without a fence or supervision, sooner or later, she’ll wander out into the street. That’s where the real danger is.

Your mind is an inner two-year-old!

Unless you put a fence around it, unless you say, “No,” she will wander and wander until she runs into the street. 

You know what I’m talking about. Your mind can take you on a journey that spirals from “I wish I had enough money to eat out tonight,” to, “I’m going to be a bag-lady living under a bridge!” in a skinny minute. Or this one, “My kid is late coming home from dance lessons,” to, “My kid has been hit by a car and is in the hospital or (if you really want to go dark) is dead.”

We all do it. The unchecked mind takes us on all kinds of trips.

You can train your mind to go to a much nicer place. You can train it to support, love and nurture you like a perfect parent would. It can become, your inner cheerleader.

It does take work, but let me tell you, it’s worth it! The freedom and empowerment are amazing!

As a coach, I love helping people make this type of shift, from inner critic to inner cheerleader. In fact, I have a FREE training next week on that very topic! Why don’t you join me? We’re gathering at 7:30 Eastern, 4:30 Pacific on Thursday, May 31st.

I’ll be taking you through a specific process I’ve used in my own life and use with clients. You’re going to love it!

Click here to register for Turn Off Your Inner Critic and Turn On Your Inner Cheerleader.

When we live lavishly, our inner cheerleader is in charge of the motivation in our lives!  

What do you want?

It’s not a trick question.

If you took off the limits.

If you had the money.

If you had the time.

If you stopped judging it as impossible.

Do you know what you want?

We often think in terms of what we DON'T want. Enough already!

I want to hear about what you want.

What inspires you? What lights you up?

It doesn't have to make sense. You don't need to know how to do it. 

What would you stay up late, or get up early to do?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get to the end of my life wondering if I lived it to the fullest.  I want to “suck all the marrow out of life.” I don’t want to miss anything.

I want to hear about what you want. The sky's the limit. Shock me. Wow me. Inspire me. Make me think. 

Tell me what you want in the comments below. Just writing it down might spark some magic around making it come true.

Be brave. Tell me.

Dream Killers!

I have had some serious dream killers in my life!

Maybe you can relate.

When I was young, I had dreams of a successful business, a great marriage, large loving family, a big house and a lot of traveling. By the time I was in my mid 40’s the only ones of those dreams I really had was the large loving family. I had traveled some, but not nearly as much as I wanted.

What did I do?

I started to give up.

I killed most of my dreams. Why?

I decided I wanted too much. I was getting older and I should be happy with the life I had! After all, I had a large loving family, a good job, I was reasonably happy being single, and an apartment I liked.

What a DREAM KILLER! 

By deciding some of my dreams weren’t important and that I had missed my window, I was in my 40’s after all, I killed them. The good news is, they didn’t stay dead for long. I decided to take action and that’s what I want to help you do.

If you’ve ever killed a dream, I invite you to take my free Dream Killers Challenge. Take the quiz as a quick inventory of what your dream killers might look like. Then use the Dream Killers CPR Dreamsheet to breathe some life back into those dreams! Maybe you’ll be like me, and so many of my clients, who realize their dreams, as Billie Crystal said in The Princess Bride, are only “…mostly dead. And there’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.”

Join me in the Dream Killers Challenge!

Use this link to get your Dream Killers Quiz and Dreamsheet delivered to your inbox! 

Enough Already!

Have you ever had that thought, “I am not ______ enough.”

You fill in the blank with any number of your favorites.

I don’t know a person who escapes this limiting belief. Partially because it takes on so many shapes and sizes. Literally.

You’re not good enough. Not thin enough. Not smart enough. Not young enough. Not old enough. Not educated enough. Not connected or influential enough.

Or maybe you’ve got of these: there isn’t enough money to do what I want to do. There isn’t enough time for me to do what I want to do.

Enough Already!!

Let’s learn how to slay these limiting beliefs! They are insidious and it’s time to say, enough already.

Check it out in today’s video and share your personal playlist of “not enough” thoughts in the comments.