The Sick Baby that Changed Everything!

Do you have anything in your life, right now, that is bugging the hell out of you?

I do.

It might be a job that drives you nuts or sucks you dry.

Or a relationship where you don’t feel seen or heard and you feel like you want to scream half the time!

It could be your finances, you hate where you live, your car broke down…again… or any number of other things you want to be different.

If I could wave a magic wand and those things would begin to transform into something new… would you like that?

You’ve come to the right place.

I was given the wand today by one of my teacher’s, Kai Shanti. Check out her YouTube Channel and you’ll get to know her magic.

We were talking about a few of the things in my life that are bugging the hell out of me. I am totally, 100% aware that I am resisting them. And I know better. As someone famous said, “What you resist, persists.”

But, knowing you’re resisting and being able to stop it, are two different things.

Yes, I help clients get out of their own resistance all the time. That doesn’t mean I don’t need a little help getting out of mine. We don’t let surgeons operate on themselves for a reason.

At any rate, as I was lamenting my awareness that I was resisting, but also how stuck I was in it, she gave me this perfect metaphor and it changed everything. Instantly.

A sick baby.

She asked me, if I had a sick baby, would I still love it?

Of course I would! I have four kids, this is a metaphor I can totally relate to. If you don’t relate to it, that’s cool, substitute a pet of some sort, or a plant. If you love something or someone and they get sick, you still love them. Your love doesn’t diminish because they are a total pain in the neck!

Let’s face it, sick babies, pets, even plants, can be a pain in the neck. There’s the constant caring for them, which means you probably aren’t getting the rest you need. There are the Dr./Vet/Botanist visits that cost money, take time and aren’t always that helpful. Need I go on?

And, it never changes your love for him/her/it. In fact, sometimes your love deepens.

What if we applied that to ourselves?

Forget the irritating boss, co-worker, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, your finances, your credit score, where you live, etc.

Look at you. Everything about you and your life at the moment. And just like you would do with that sick baby, love it. Love everything about it. Just love it.

When we are in love, pure love, we know that somehow, things will be okay. We’ll get through it. A solution will show itself.

Do we try to change it? Sure.

We don’t look at a sick baby and say, “you’re going to be a sick baby the rest of your life.”

Hell no!

We look for medicine, we look for people who have healed from the disease and see what we can learn, we do research, we try different things. We never give up.

And, we never stop loving the baby. Whether all the things we try work or not.

Today, I encourage you to do what I did.

Love the fucking sick baby!! Love the hell out of her.

Love is always the best way to find a solution or notice a synchronicity or get some inspired action.

Love is the opposite of resistance. You can’t resist the baby and love the baby, so without even trying, your resistance will drop away, because of the power of your love.

I’d be honored to help you figure out how to love your sick baby and move towards whatever the path to healing is.

I’ve got a few spots open for one-on-one clients. Let’s explore if it’s right for you. Book a free 15-minute Discovery Call and we’ll figure it out and go from there.

You might also like my 100 Days of Living Orgasmically video series. Yes, I’m using orgasm as a metaphor, and it’s an amazing one. Check out the entire playlist here. You can’t live orgasmically if you’re not loving your sick baby. This I know for sure.

Talk about it Tuesday!

I’m starting new video series titled, “Talk About it Tuesday!”

Each week I’ll discuss tools and methods for creating sustainable transformation in our work, relationships and lifestyle.

In Episode 1, I’m unpacking how to create sustainable change. It's easy to talk about needing to change. We all have areas of our lives where we want change. But, how do we really do it?

Today's video will show you the steps I use, in my life and with my clients, to begin the process of evolution. The process of sustainable change.

Are you in the middle of a transition?

You could say, I'm the... Queen of Transitions 

I’ve moved 13 times since I got married at the ripe old age of 18 years old!

I’ve left two marriages and one partner. It’s a hard thing, even when you know you need to do it. Each time, I was following the truth of who I am. It’s liberating, empowering, scary and bold.

I have four children who are adult now, so you name it, I’ve done it. Had four kids in seven years, that’s transition on steroids. One by one, sent them to school, cried at their graduations, had an empty nest, married them off and had grandchildren.

I’ve had two successful business, that I sold. I built a career in real estate as a manager, broker, owner and leadership development expert. I’ve spoken at events, trained people and created my own programs to enhance the leadership skills of others. And, now, I have a coaching practice that I love! Of all the things I’ve done in my life, coaching is my favorite and the perfect combination of my skills.

WHEN WE ARE IN TRANSITION LIFE IS OFFERING US THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHANGE.

To open to the next highest expression of ourselves. We can accept that challenge or reject it and continue in our old ways, repeating the thoughts, feelings and actions that got us there.

When we choose to accept the challenge, to wake-up, to reshape our vision of what is possible, we open ourselves up for joy, power and freedom. We are perfectly poised for sustainable transformation.

THE CROWN JEWELS

To create sustainable transformation in our lives we must include all four of, what I call, the Crown Jewels. Think of them as jewels in a crown. Each one equally as important to the majesty and brilliance of the crown. A crown you’ll want to wear!

Yearnings - these are the things, people, projects and passions we have that allow us to be the best version of ourselves possible. Your yearnings are your personal seeds of greatness! 

Thoughts - we all have thoughts that diminish us, criticize and shame us. Others have said them to us and now we say them to ourselves. It’s time to learn how to transform those stressful thoughts to thoughts that liberate and free you.

Feelings - the thoughts we have trigger our feelings. Sometimes our feelings will trigger a thought. They become a vicious cycle of thinking and feeling that limit and harm us. Anxiety, depression and fear keep us trapped in a life that is limited. When we learn to create empowering and positive feeling states, regardless of our circumstances we free ourselves from what we were trapped by. 

Actions - the things we do or don’t do. When our thoughts and feelings are limited and steeling our power, we don’t act in ways that support our highest good. When we align our thoughts, feelings and actions, with what we yearn for, everything comes together. We are focused. We take inspired, intentional action towards our yearnings. 

Everything I do is designed to empower you to get those four jewels in your crown! That’s what I yearn for!​

What do you yearn for that I can help you get in alignment with? Let's schedule a 10 minute Discovery Call, I have openings next week, and we'll see if I can help you get to the life you yearn for! Schedule it here. 

What if getting lost is a good thing?

I think we all feel lost at times. 

We lose ourselves in our kids, spouses, jobs and in the responsibility of caring for others. 

Sometimes we get lost in life transitions. We move, have a baby, the baby goes to school, the baby grows up and leaves home, we get divorced or widowed, we lose a job or a friend.

All of life's transitions create opportunities to lose ourselves. We get so wrapped up in other people, their needs, their wants, the tasks at hand to pack up our belongings or adjust to a new job and a new city, and in the process, you stop thinking about yourself. 

Then one day you wake up and realize, little by little, piece by piece, you've given yourself away and you're not sure why or how it happened. 

If you're in that place now, please know, you are not alone. We've all done it. And you can take yourself back. Find yourself again. One piece at a time. 

Here's the real shocker.

I think it's good when we lose ourselves. 

Seriously??

Yes. I think it means it's time to rebuild. To reexamine your perspective of who you are and what you want. 

Losing yourself is actually an opening. It's a chance to reevaluate what you want in your life. It's like your psyche is helping you wipe the slate clean.  

If you happen to be in that place now, where you feel lost, where you've forgotten what you like and what excites you, then stop for a moment and be grateful for the journey. Tell yourself that this feeling lost is a gift. It's allowing you to look at everything you do and every relationship in your life and ask a very important question, "Is this loving to me?" Then you pause and wait for the answer. 

The answers don't always come immediately. 

Give yourself time and space. Don't press or push for the answers. Be open to whatever comes. 

When the answer comes, don't argue with it. Be open to possibility. Be open to a new way. That's why life brings us to these places. To give us a chance to find a new way. Maybe the answer is, "I need more help with the kids (or aging parent or disabled spouse.)" Don't dismiss it and tell yourself you can't afford it. Take that answer seriously. 

Explore possibilities. Rearrange your budget. Find help through community services or local churches. Barter something you enjoy doing for child-care or housecleaning or whatever it is you need. You'd be surprised how well bartering for services works. 

Be willing to give up something you didn't think you could give up. I don't mean give up taking care of yourself, I mean, give up volunteering at school or church. Or, give up a community organization you're involved in. If it doesn't pass the test of, "is this loving to me?" then it needs to go. Maybe it doesn't go forever, but it needs to go for now. 

Life leads us towards life. 

It is part of our nature to be driven towards life. To grow, not shrink. To live, not die. To flourish, not stagnate. When we feel lost, when we see ourselves shrinking and stagnate, it's a sign. A sign we need to examine our lives and move towards what is loving to us. One tiny step at a time. Move towards love. 

Live Lavishly Light Episode #22

I'm so happy spring has finally arrived! 

It's a great reminder that there are things in your life ready to sprout and bloom! 

What do you have bubbling up that want to grow or expand? 

Are you nurturing it? 

In today's Live Lavishly Light episode, we'll look for those things that need to grow and expand in our lives. I'll share a couple of mine with you. I'd love to hear about yours in the comments below. 

PS 

I'm going to have five spots open up for one-on-one coaching soon. I haven't been able to offer much one-on-one coaching because of other commitments, so I'm excited my calendar is opening up.

One-on-one coaching is the most powerful way to explore what wants to "come alive" in your life. We'll create a safe space to expand and discover what's ahead for you. To see what it's like to work with me privately, hop on over to my coaching page, scroll to the bottom and you'll see my scheduler. Select "30 Min Intro Call" and book your time. There's no charge - no obligation, it's a great opportunity to see if we will work well together.

I can't wait to hear from you!  

What's stopping you?

...from your dream job? 

...from making more money in your business? 

...from quitting a soul-sucking job? 

...from making as much money as you want to make? 

What ever it is, I promise you we can take it on and generate transformation in your life. 

I'm going to have five spots open up for one-on-one coaching soon. I haven't been able to offer much one-on-one coaching because of other commitments, so I'm excited my calendar is opening up.

One-on-one coaching is the most powerful way to remove anything that is stopping you. A bold claim, but it's true! I'll be with you every step of the way. To explore working with me privately, hop on over to my coaching page, scroll to the bottom and you'll see my scheduler. Select "30 Min Intro Call" and book your time. There's no charge - no obligation, it's a great opportunity to see if we will work well together.

I can't wait to hear from you!  

Sick of making less money than you want? I’ve got a plan!

For starters, if you’re a woman, you’re probably making 20% less than the guy in the cubicle or office next to you. And guys, if you want to make more money, I’m all for that too!

Would you like a 20% raise? Do the math.

Take your last check and add 20% to it. If you make $400 a week, that’s an extra $80, every week. If you make $40,000 a year, it’s an extra $8,000 a year. At $100,000 a year it’s a whopping $20,000!

I’ve made each of those amounts in my career and I can tell you, whether it’s $80 a week or $20,000 a year, I would have loved it.

Equal pay for women has been an issue for a long time. Yes, it’s getting better, but 20% is a big gap. It’s a change-your-world gap.

You want to make more money. What do you do?

I’m devoted to transformation. You can’t have transformation by simply acknowledging a problem. You can’t have transformation by complaining about a problem. You can’t have transformation by being angry about a problem, although your anger may be a good catalyst to transformation.

Four Strategies for Transformation

I love teaching people how to ask for a raise, a promotion and simply increase their performance at work through what I call The Success Quotient or SQ4.

The Success Quotient has four components, hence SQ4.

1.       Self-awareness

2.       Self-empowerment

3.       Other-awareness

4.       Empowerment for all

Increasing my skills in these four areas took me from earning minimum wage to six-figures, as an employee, and has been my constant companion transitioning from employee to entrepreneur. All without a college degree.

It doesn’t matter where you are in your journey, how much money you make right now, if you want to ask for a raise, change jobs, start a business or expand your business. The SQ4 will help you get there.

Down and Dirty with SQ4

I could talk for hours on each of the four, and I do when I coach clients or speak to organizations, but for now, let me give you the down and dirty on each one.

1.       Self-awareness – Knowing yourself comes first. You absolutely must evaluate your current strengths and weaknesses. Find ways to shine the spotlight on your strengths, and even improve them. This is your personal brilliance. Make sure you’re shining in these areas. For weaknesses, either find ways to make them irrelevant or learn how to improve. One caveat about that, many of our weaknesses are a waste of time to improve. It’s a lot easier to improve a strength than to improve a weakness.  

2.       Self-empowerment – Take your strengths and empower yourself in how you express them. How do you do that? Locate areas where you self-sabotage. We all do it. There’s no shame in it. But let’s stop. You lose your power when you think you need someone or something outside of you to get you where you want to go. You have everything you need. (This is why I created my online program, Enough Already. If you struggle with this, I’d check it out here.)

3.       Other-awareness – This is your ability to accurately perceive what others are feeling and experiencing. This is where the super power of empathy comes into play. People who are self-aware, self-empowered and have empathy can change the world!

4.       Empowerment for all – This is where it all comes together. You know yourself, you’re empowered to act, you understand and have empathy for others, which allows them to be empowered. Yes, sometimes that means they are empowered to step down, or change their behavior. It also means others are empowered to give you a raise or opportunity!

I am passionate about helping others use SQ4 in their lives. If you like the concepts and aren’t sure you know how to apply them in your specific situation, I’d love to hear from you! Let me know in your comments below, Facebook PM me or email me. I’d love to coach you or your organization into the power and freedom that come with using SQ4!

Live Lavishly Light Episode #17

Spring is a time of new beginnings.

What is it inside of you that wants to be born?

Let's inspire each other!

Live Lavishly Light Episode #14

I am loving Netflix's Queer Eye reboot! It is all about transformation.

Transformation is an ongoing journey in our lives. Maybe you're stuck, maybe you're ignoring something small like that messy junk drawer or your lack of exercise.

Let's choose one thing to begin transforming this week.

Live Lavishly, xoxo Brenda

I’m obsessed with personal growth!

Seriously, I don’t ever want to stop.

As soon as I see a pattern or habit that limits me or doesn’t serve me anymore, I’ll do whatever it takes to break the habit, dis-empower the limiting belief, slay whatever it is.

Whatever it takes, from therapy, to coaching, reading books, going to workshops and retreats. I’m relentless. For me, once I see it, I can’t go back to pretending I don’t know it’s there. Limiting me. Keeping me from being the highest expression of myself possible.

Why do I do it?

Freedom. Liberation. Transformation. I want nothing less than these. To be liberated to my own wisdom. To be transformed into a higher expression of myself. Living in the freedom that comes from knowing who I am, that I’m a unique spark of the Divine. That there are infinite possibilities.

What do you want?

Do you want freedom? Do you want to be liberated to your best self? To be transformed? To live as the highest expression of yourself?

What project would you start? What book would you write? What business would you start or expand? How would you change the world?

The calling of a life coach

This is why I love being a coach. I love being part of a person’s process. Facilitating the liberation. Facilitating the transformation. It’s the most exciting thing I can imagine!

It’s what motivates me to write to you three times a week. It inspired me to create an online program, Enough Already. It’s what makes me happy to get up early or work late to meet with a client.

It’s also what motivates me to keep looking at my own life. Examining where I’m selling myself short. Where I’m diminishing myself and what’s possible.

I’m sure some people look at me and think it’s exhausting. I know my ex-husbands interpreted it as discontent. As if I’m never happy with what I have. That’s not it at all. I just don’t believe in stopping. I want to keep going. Keep growing. Imagining the joy of the next breakthrough.

This is the essence of what it means to me to live lavishly. Do I love the luxuries of life? Yes. I love living lavishly in those ways too, but what does that matter if my soul isn’t living lavishly? Living lavishly is all about liberating yourself from the things that hold you back. Nothing short of lavish transformation and freedom!

Thank you for being with me on the journey to Live Lavishly!

Live Lavishly Light Episode #3

“It’s the journey, not the destination.”

That’s all well and good, as long as you’re not actually “wandering in the wilderness!”

Today’s Live Lavishly Light episode is about looking at whether we’re on a journey or going around in circles.

It can be a lot of work to change. It can be easier to talk about change, while actually doing the same thing over and over.

Let’s break the habit of going in circles, and journey on-- in love and light.

More About My FREE Guided Meditation!

Can meditation be a tool for transformation? 

Or is it just a good way to calm your mind and relax? 

For me it's a tool for transformation. There are several reasons for that and I'll explore them with you in today's video. 

Change isn't easy.

As the saying goes, "if it was easy, everyone would do it." 

When you want to live a big life, make an impact in the world, your family, through your work and make your dreams come true...you have to be constantly evolving. Letting go of the things that don't serve you anymore and take inspired action towards your goals and dreams. 

Meditation is a great way to tap into your inner wisdom. When you're connected to your inner wisdom, you may get an insight about an old pattern that needs changing or an idea to contact someone or start a project (I call that inspired action). Whatever you get during meditation is your gift to yourself. 

Don't forget to go to my website to get your FREE Own Your Brilliance Meditation and corresponding worksheet to support you on your journey to Live Lavishly!