What if getting lost is a good thing?

I think we all feel lost at times. 

We lose ourselves in our kids, spouses, jobs and in the responsibility of caring for others. 

Sometimes we get lost in life transitions. We move, have a baby, the baby goes to school, the baby grows up and leaves home, we get divorced or widowed, we lose a job or a friend.

All of life's transitions create opportunities to lose ourselves. We get so wrapped up in other people, their needs, their wants, the tasks at hand to pack up our belongings or adjust to a new job and a new city, and in the process, you stop thinking about yourself. 

Then one day you wake up and realize, little by little, piece by piece, you've given yourself away and you're not sure why or how it happened. 

If you're in that place now, please know, you are not alone. We've all done it. And you can take yourself back. Find yourself again. One piece at a time. 

Here's the real shocker.

I think it's good when we lose ourselves. 

Seriously??

Yes. I think it means it's time to rebuild. To reexamine your perspective of who you are and what you want. 

Losing yourself is actually an opening. It's a chance to reevaluate what you want in your life. It's like your psyche is helping you wipe the slate clean.  

If you happen to be in that place now, where you feel lost, where you've forgotten what you like and what excites you, then stop for a moment and be grateful for the journey. Tell yourself that this feeling lost is a gift. It's allowing you to look at everything you do and every relationship in your life and ask a very important question, "Is this loving to me?" Then you pause and wait for the answer. 

The answers don't always come immediately. 

Give yourself time and space. Don't press or push for the answers. Be open to whatever comes. 

When the answer comes, don't argue with it. Be open to possibility. Be open to a new way. That's why life brings us to these places. To give us a chance to find a new way. Maybe the answer is, "I need more help with the kids (or aging parent or disabled spouse.)" Don't dismiss it and tell yourself you can't afford it. Take that answer seriously. 

Explore possibilities. Rearrange your budget. Find help through community services or local churches. Barter something you enjoy doing for child-care or housecleaning or whatever it is you need. You'd be surprised how well bartering for services works. 

Be willing to give up something you didn't think you could give up. I don't mean give up taking care of yourself, I mean, give up volunteering at school or church. Or, give up a community organization you're involved in. If it doesn't pass the test of, "is this loving to me?" then it needs to go. Maybe it doesn't go forever, but it needs to go for now. 

Life leads us towards life. 

It is part of our nature to be driven towards life. To grow, not shrink. To live, not die. To flourish, not stagnate. When we feel lost, when we see ourselves shrinking and stagnate, it's a sign. A sign we need to examine our lives and move towards what is loving to us. One tiny step at a time. Move towards love. 

Fail Spectacularly!

Have You Ever Failed Spectacularly?

It's not any fun when it's happening, but if you're like me, you learn a lot when you fail spectacularly!

Lessons Learned

Recently I was watching the Shirley MacLaine movie, The Last Word. It's a great movie! MacLaine talks about this idea that we should welcome failure, and the bigger the better.

I know I've had my biggest growth spurts emotionally, professionally and spiritually after big failures, so it got me thinking.

Check out today's video and let me know what you think in the comments. Have you experienced great growth after a spectacular failure?

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What if Failure is a Lie?

I have been thinking about failure and whether failure is a lie or the truth. I know when I’m in the throws of failure, all the negative self-talk I tell myself feels incredibly true. But, then I’ve learned that those loud negative voices are never true. This lovely sunset photo was taken in the aftermath of multiple failures that led me to living in San Diego for eight months, but I don't want to get ahead of myself. Let's get back to, what if failure is a lie?

Failure

Let’s consider a few of my failures.

I didn’t get the job.

I didn’t ask for a raise.

I tripped and dropped dinner on the floor.

I ended the marriage.

I left a friendship.

A friend left me.

I forgot to pick the kids up.

I left my baby at home…alone…she was only a few months old! (Totally true)

I could go on, but you get the idea. No doubt, you could make your own list. We’re so good at remembering the failures.

And yet, is it true? Were they failures?

Every one of my failures took me to a better place. Even the whole thing with leaving the baby home alone. It turned out okay. She was asleep the entire time (about 10 minutes that felt like 10 hours!) and was safe and sound when we rushed home the second we realized we had left her in her crib rather than putting her in the car seat. Still, I don’t recommend leaving your baby home, but the truth is, I never did it again and I learned not to be judgmental of the mistakes any of us can make with our kids.

The end of a relationship started me on the spiral that took me to San Diego for eight months. Let's see, was that a spiral of failure? Or was it really success?

Growth spurts

Do you ever feel like you have growth spurts in your life? Where you learn a big lesson and you look back and think, wow. I’ve come a long way! It’s such an awesome feeling! And when does it happen? Usually, after one of those failures.

When I look back there was always some event, or series of events, that preceded a big growth spurt in my life. How could it possibly be a failure if it was followed by something great?

I’ve discovered that failure is a lie. How about you?

Failure is a lie

Make a list of a couple of your failures. Then look at them and ask yourself, “what did I learn?” or “what opened up for me after that event?” You might be amazed, as I was, to discover the story you told yourself, about your failures, was a lie. They were successes. Not the variety of success we had in mind, but we are better because of them. And isn’t the very definition of success to be better than you were?

I’d love to hear what you labeled as failure that you can now look at as a success?

When you know that failure is a lie, what are you inspired to do or try or create?

Share your story in the comments below.