Tell me if you relate to this?

Regardless of our background and specific life experiences, there are certain things that connect all of us people pleasers! 

Not the least of which is the courage to learn how to speak up for ourselves and live authentically! 

In today’s inspiring interview with my coach and Rapid Transformation Therapy practitioner, Sobia Durrani, you’ll hear how being a people pleaser was triggered by the pressure of being a first generation American. With parents from Pakistan, who naturally had high expectations, plus feeling like she didn’t belong in the US or in Pakistan, Sobia’s story is compelling and needs to be heard. 

We also touch on the issue of “white privilege” and what that means to us. 

You’ll be inspired and get tools to use in your own life from this powerful episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser. 

As always, I welcome your feedback and questions in the comments!

Who Are You Trying To Be?

All of us people pleasers know what it’s like to try to be someone you aren’t.

We want love.

We want approval.

We try desperately to be who our family, spouse, boss, church, or culture wants us to be.

But it’s so hard!

Because that’s not the truth of who we are.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m unpacking this issue.  

Many of my brothers and sisters in the black, indigenous, people of color and LGBTQ+ communities are deeply impacted by this dilemma, where the cost of being authentic can be especially high.

And yet, we are never truly happy unless we are expressing our authentic nature.

This episode begins a theme that I will revisit in future podcasts. The temptation to abandon our authentic self in order to fit in or get the love, approval and acceptance we all crave, is something that must end. For everyone.

This is an open invitation for you to be a guest on the podcast. If you are black, indigenous, a person of color and/or LGBTQ+ I would love to hear your story on this journey from trying to be someone you aren’t, to discovering your authentic expression and then being able to share that out in the world.

You will inspire and encourage others; this I know for sure.

Please email me at Brenda@BrendaFlorida.com and tell me you are ready to explore sharing your story! Someone is out there waiting to hear it.

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

Do You Think this is True?

We take care of the things we love.

We accept the things and people we love.

We don’t require perfection. The frayed hem on a favorite pair of jeans. Our child’s misspelled word on a note they’ve written us.

As we head into the end of the most bizarre year most of us have had in long time… I would like to suggest that we focus our attention on love. Not just in the obvious places, like family, friends, pets, and our belongings.

Let’s love people.

Let’s love the earth.

If we care for and accept our planet and its people, we will end the year on a much lighter note, in every way.

I didn’t ask you to agree with people. That’s different.

But I know there is someone right now, that you love deeply, and… you don’t agree with them on at least one thing. They may even do things you think are “wrong.” And, you love them anyway.

Let’s expand on that.

I remember when I was in my 20’s and found out one of my friends was bi-sexual. This was a time in my life when I was deeply embedded in a conservative Christian culture that absolutely condemned everything except being heterosexual and monogamous. I am NOT embedded in that culture now, and do not hold those beliefs anymore, but I tell this story as a perfect example of what I’m suggesting we all do.

When I found out my friend lived a lifestyle that my belief system condemned, I was thrown off-kilter. This was someone I love and cared about. I wasn’t able to drop into the typical and prescribed “condemnation-mode” that hearing this about someone else would have dropped me into. It suddenly wasn’t so easy to judge and condemn someone I loved.

And, boom. Just like that, because of love, my judgment dropped. I dropped my condemnation of her and if I dropped it for her, I had to drop it for everyone who had a sexual expression different from my own.

Because, I don’t judge, condemn and destroy what I love. I bet you don’t either.

I heard an environmentalist say that their mission was to get people to “fall in love with” the earth. Because people protect what they love.

It goes for people too.

We’ve still got some uncertain days ahead of us.

Remember, I didn’t ask you to agree with people you don’t agree with. That’s different.

We can disagree without judgment and condemnation, although many people lump all those things together. It’s not necessary. And you know at least one person in your life, right now, that you don’t agree with, yet don’t judge and condemn them.

Let’s work to broaden that grace to those we don’t know.

To love our planet and its people. Period.

That’s my formula for making 2021 better than 2020.

Love. Acceptance.

Will you join me?

Did You SEE That?!

I’ll confess, I don’t watch the news. 

Even with an election approaching. 

Even with a pandemic. 

Don’t hate me. 

I spend a few minutes a week with the NY Times, so I have a sense of what’s going on. 

That’s why my blogs, podcast and social media posts don’t include a lot of connections to current events, like most coach’s do. 

But here’s one thing I want to be abundantly clear on that has to do with current events. 

I stand in solidarity with Black, Indiginous, people of color and LGBTQ+ people. 

White privilege is real. I don’t like it. I was born into it. 

I’m a white, cis, hetorosexual woman and that comes with many privileges that others don’t have. 

Because I’m a woman I am treated in ways that lack equality - I grew up in a culture deeply embedded in patriarchy - but I am still privileged. 

I want to take a stand, I want you to know that I stand in solidarity with Black, Indiginous, people of color. I don’t say “all lives matter” because, duh, of course they do, but that’s not the point at all! 

There’s a mass of people who face systematic racism and “otherism” every day. They’ve lived in a systematically racist system for generations and they deserve NOT to be lumped in with those of us who enjoy the benefits of white privilege. 

Some people might hit “unsubscribe.” I’ll risk that. Those I stand in solidarity with, have risked so much more. 

I hope you’re still here though. 

Because even if, like me, you’re not always 100% comfortable with discussing it, or you’re not always sure what to say, and you’re afraid of saying something “wrong,” it’s time to take a stand and say, “enough is enough.” 

It’s time to dismantle systematic racism. 

As the Indiginous Australian artist, Lila Watson said, “If you have come to help me you are wasting your time. But if you recognize that your liberation and mine are bound up together, we can walk together.” 

Every week I record a podcast to help Liberate Your People Pleaser. I know how to liberate people from the bonds of people pleasing. 

When it comes to racism, I know that Ms. Watson is right and I can’t be liberated until everyone is!