Do you need a “room of your own?”

Are you exhausted? 

Are you tired of doing things for so many others, at home, at work, in the community, that you’re ready to burst? 

Do you need a “room of your own?” 

A place for peace. 

A place that is only for you. 

You can rest, relax, reconnect with your heart and soul, calm your mind, dream, sleep or anything else that feels delightful to you! 

It’s like taking your own Eat, Pray, Love trip in one room. You may not eat as much pasta as Liz Gilbert did, but you’ll save a lot of money! 

We all need a room of our own. 

Even if you’re partnered and share your room with your lover, there are times you need solitude.

Today, I’m giving you full permission (not that you need it) to give yourself a room of your own. 

It might be a guest room or unused spot in your house. Just make sure you have privacy. Put beautiful things in it. Put comfortable soothing things in it. If there’s a bed, make sure the sheets and bedding feel delightful to you and are beautiful. 

If there isn’t an extra room you can use (I understand that entirely as I have always lived in relatively small homes, even when I had 4 kids running around!) then ask your partner to give you the space. It can be temporary. Even if it means sleeping on the couch a night or two, or put one of the kids on an air mattress so your partner can sleep in their bed. Get creative. You can find a way. You deserve to carve out a space for yourself. For your mental health. For your pleasure. Because you need… a room of your own!

What if Love Really Heals Every Wound?

I had the honor and joy of marrying my son and his fiance this weekend. (Photos on IG soon!)

I thought about love a lot. 

My journey of love. 

Romantic love. 

Self-love. 

The love of family. 

The love of friends. 

I’ve experienced so much healing in my life because of love. 

While others were at times a part of that and I healed through their love…

The truth is, it has been the journey of loving myself that my deepest healing has occurred. 

That’s why I love coaching so much. 

You could say, what I do is coach clients into healing themselves by loving themselves. 

Do you want it? Do you want that deeply healing experience of loving yourself into life? 

For just two more days, June 30, I’m offering a crazy affordable “Love Heals” coaching package. Three, one-hour sessions for $300! Consider it my love offering to you and your journey. 

Whatever needs healing. Whatever you want. It is possible for you… through the power of love. 

Get your Love Heals package HERE. 

Do You Need Some TLC?

We all need a little TLC! 

Not everyone had a nurturing mother who always knew the right things to say. Who would comfort and love us no matter what. 

That's OK. 

In today's episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I'll show you how to ALWAYS get the TLC you crave! 

Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

I did a total 180 on this…

I was raised to judge and condemn everyone who was not a cis gender herterosexual. 

How did I get to be queer friendly? 

I consider myself an ally to everyone identifying as LGBTQA+, non-binary, pansexual, and an anti-racist. (Although my calling myself an ally doesn’t make me one! It is by our actions that we demonstrate how much of an ally we are!)

All those fundamentalist Christian beliefs began to crumble as I contemplated what I was taught, that “God” is love… (FYI, I don’t use the word God very often because I still associate it with the oppression of that culture, so use your own word if you want, the Divine, Source, The Quantum Field, whatever works for you.)

… it didn’t make any sense to me that love would create anything that wasn’t also love. 

Everyone had to be sourced from love.  

There is no condemnation and nothing is wrong with who we are.  

It is our birthright to be our authentic self. 

Twisting ourselves into being someone we are not, is painful because we’re not supposed to do it. Like putting a hand on a hot stove is painful.  

Love created us. Love didn’t make any mistakes. 

You and I are love. 

I know there are issues, political and cultural, that make things complicated and challenging. I’m not attempting to address them in this blog. 

I am wanting to say loud and clear, YOU ARE LOVE. I AM LOVE. We are created as love. 

You are beautiful just the way you are. 

Love or Fear?

I have a client who is facing a host of life changes. Career, finances, needing to move, relationship challenges, you name it! Life is hitting this client on all fronts. 

This is one of my super-powers, helping people navigate really stressful times of massive change. 

Why? Because I’ve done it myself, many times. 

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that we have to choose love over fear. 

Fear = anxiety, “not enough time,” limitation, scarcity, forcing outcomes, a feeling of powerlessness. 

Love = open to possibility, allowing, abundance, and a feeling that you are supported by invisible and visible forces. 

No matter how dire a situation is, and I say this knowing what it is like to have $50 and Googling homeless shelters, fear NEVER helps us find our best solution. 

Fear puts us in a box. And that box is very small. There aren’t a lot of options. It’s the home of “this or that” thinking. When we think small, we get small. 

Fear also gets us focused on the past or the future. A past that stresses or pisses us off and a future that seems grim. 

In fear, we feel powerless. 

Love, on the other hand, allows us to be open and trust that there are lots of possibilities. Even ones that we aren’t thinking about. We can ask for help, knowing there are tons of resources in the universe. 

Love allows us to be in the present moment, not in the past or future where we have no power. 

Love = power. 

Fear = powerless. 

Sure, it can be hard, when life is piling up on you, to find love. 

That’s why I’m here.

It’s my life’s work (and joy) to facilitate clients in choosing love over fear. No matter what the circumstances are. 

Where are you at today? 

Will you choose love, or fear? 

I’m here if you need a guide to help you. I’ve always had guides who have helped me. 

The first step towards love is to ask for the help you deserve.

Do You Think this is True?

We take care of the things we love.

We accept the things and people we love.

We don’t require perfection. The frayed hem on a favorite pair of jeans. Our child’s misspelled word on a note they’ve written us.

As we head into the end of the most bizarre year most of us have had in long time… I would like to suggest that we focus our attention on love. Not just in the obvious places, like family, friends, pets, and our belongings.

Let’s love people.

Let’s love the earth.

If we care for and accept our planet and its people, we will end the year on a much lighter note, in every way.

I didn’t ask you to agree with people. That’s different.

But I know there is someone right now, that you love deeply, and… you don’t agree with them on at least one thing. They may even do things you think are “wrong.” And, you love them anyway.

Let’s expand on that.

I remember when I was in my 20’s and found out one of my friends was bi-sexual. This was a time in my life when I was deeply embedded in a conservative Christian culture that absolutely condemned everything except being heterosexual and monogamous. I am NOT embedded in that culture now, and do not hold those beliefs anymore, but I tell this story as a perfect example of what I’m suggesting we all do.

When I found out my friend lived a lifestyle that my belief system condemned, I was thrown off-kilter. This was someone I love and cared about. I wasn’t able to drop into the typical and prescribed “condemnation-mode” that hearing this about someone else would have dropped me into. It suddenly wasn’t so easy to judge and condemn someone I loved.

And, boom. Just like that, because of love, my judgment dropped. I dropped my condemnation of her and if I dropped it for her, I had to drop it for everyone who had a sexual expression different from my own.

Because, I don’t judge, condemn and destroy what I love. I bet you don’t either.

I heard an environmentalist say that their mission was to get people to “fall in love with” the earth. Because people protect what they love.

It goes for people too.

We’ve still got some uncertain days ahead of us.

Remember, I didn’t ask you to agree with people you don’t agree with. That’s different.

We can disagree without judgment and condemnation, although many people lump all those things together. It’s not necessary. And you know at least one person in your life, right now, that you don’t agree with, yet don’t judge and condemn them.

Let’s work to broaden that grace to those we don’t know.

To love our planet and its people. Period.

That’s my formula for making 2021 better than 2020.

Love. Acceptance.

Will you join me?

The Ideal Love You Deserve

We all hunger for love and approval. 

I’ve done some pretty crazy things to feel loved or to get someone’s approval. 

In today’s podcast episode, Liberate Your People Pleaser, The Ideal Love You Deserve, I’ll give you a fool-proof and easy way to get that love and approval. 

The best part is, you can do it yourself. That way, you’re in charge. You won’t disappoint yourself. And it will feel soooo empowering! 

I don’t want to spoil it, so click HERE and listen to the episode!

Smash the Patriarchy With Me!

Patriarchy is about hierarchy. 

Hierarchy sucks. 

Patriarchy sucks. 

We’ve had enough. 

It’s time to smash them both! 

I’ve got a way to do it. And we can start today! 

To smash the patriarchy, we need to liberate ourselves from our people pleaser. 

Why? 

Because our people pleaser is way too easily fooled into backing off and backing down. Being nice. Not making waves. Keeping the peace. 

People Pleasing silences us and steals our voice. 

But what do you do? 

Love will smash the patriarchy. 

We will not allow that which we love to be destroyed whether is our precious selves, our family, our global brothers and sisters, our earth, none of it. 

We will not allow that which we love to be abused and treated with prejudice.

Love is quite good at saying, “No. This ends now.” 

Patriarchy isn’t the only thing that needs to end, now. Hit reply and tell me what you’re ready to put an end to in your life.

xoxo, 

Brenda

Did I Just Hear a Dirty Word?

People Pleaser.

It’s not a dirty word because it’s bad. Or because there’s something “wrong” with people who are people pleasers!

I’m one.

It’s a dirty word because of what it does to us.

Our people pleaser will get us twisted into a knot before we know it.

We’re second-guessing everything.

We lose our confidence.

Feel like an imposter.

Anxiety levels skyrocket as we try to figure out how to make everyone happy.

But how do we stop?

We stop by loving ourselves. Simple, yet profound.

Turn it all inward baby!

Here’s the really awesome thing about being a people pleaser – this is why I said there wasn’t anything “wrong” with being one…

We are very generous.

We are loving.

We are intuitive.

We are empathetic.

I could go on and on.

People pleasing is like chocolate cake. A little bit is great, but you can make yourself sick on too much!

Too much unchecked generosity, love and empathy will get us using those super-powers of intuition, love, generosity and empathy in ways that exhausts and drains us.

Our boundaries go weak.

We stop taking care of ourselves.

We feel like there’s never enough time.

We worry… a lot!

Let’s clean things up.

Tune into yourself. Yes, it’s okay to use that intuition on yourself! What do you need?

Love yourself. I work with clients on this all the time. Self-love cures everything. Pure and simple.

Be generous with yourself. Allow yourself some pleasure. Read a book. Lay in a hammock. Take a walk. Take a day off and do whatever the hell you want to. Whatever your soul needs.

Give yourself some of that empathy. Empathy is the art of “taking the perspective of another.” What is your perspective? Sometimes we get so busy doing for others we totally ignore our own experience.

Love is the secret weapon.

Use it on yourself.

xoxo,

Brenda

PS Most of us need help to turn on our superpowers of people pleasing and turn off the aspects that diminish and exhaust us. I’ve got three openings in my calendar for one-on-one clients. Let’s hop on a 15-minute call and see if it’s right for you. Schedule your call here. I can’t wait to chat with you.

Tired of Discipline and Hard Work?

What if you could ditch self-discipline?

What if, buckling down and muscling through isn’t the way?

What if brow-beating yourself isn’t really working?

I know. It’s what we’ve been taught.

“Pull yourself up by your boot-straps.”

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

If we’ve learned anything in 2020, it’s that what used to work, doesn’t work anymore.

We need a new way.

I’ve got the answer. It’s a question actually. A powerful one.

I ask my clients this question when they are exhausted.  

I ask clients when they get stuck with:

·      Ending the cycle of being a “People Pleaser”

·      The business they want to start – or grow.

·      The job they want to leave.

·      The body they want to “improve.”

·      Starting a new relationship that they want to be different than the last one.

“What would love do?”

It seems silly. Like it won’t work.

But let me ask you this? When you have a child or pet who you are teaching a new skill to, or wanting them to do something in a new way, how do you do it? (As the ideal parent or pet-owner that you are most of the time.) J

You lovingly lead them. You show them the way. You speak in a loving voice. You cheer them on for the tiniest accomplishment or improvement. You applaud! You give them treats. You brag about them to friends and family.

You don’t yell at them. Tell them losing three pounds is not nearly enough! That they aren’t trying hard enough. They need to put their head down and work harder! Stop complaining! Then throw in a bunch of punishments and penalties every time they fall after their first few steps or pick a cookie instead of broccoli. You would never do that to your child or pet, or anyone else you love.

But we do it to ourselves, all the time.   

“What would love do?”

We have this idea that the answer will lead to over-indulging, staying on the couch instead of going to work, never getting any exercise, always choosing the cookie over broccoli.

But would it?

The question in NOT, “what would your inner-rebellious teenager do?”

Love wants the best for you. Love says, yes, to things that are loving. Love can say no.

Love wants you to have the life of your dreams.

Love wants you to leave the job or relationship that is not serving you anymore.

Choosing love isn’t always the easiest path.

It’s just the only path that is sustainable.

My calendar is opening for four one-on-one clients right now – one is for you. If you want to learn how to turn self-criticism and self-discipline into self-love, let’s work together. The first step is a free 15-Minute Discovery Call to be sure now is the right time. You’ve got nothing to lose and a lot of love to gain. Book your call here.

Religious Wounds

This is the scariest blog I've ever written.

But I can't "preach" being authentic and not be willing to go out on a limb. So, at the risk of being judged, and in the hopes of facilitating healing, here goes.

I grew up in very conservative, you could probably call them, fundamentalist, Christian churches. Of course, my family believed the same, that's why we went to those churches. 

I grew up believing in "original sin." The doctrine that we are born sinners and need to be saved or spend eternity in hell. Hell being a very specific destination with eternal burning and gnashing of teeth. Not a very pleasant place to be for eternity, which is a hell of a long time. 

Of course, there was a way out. Only one way. Salvation through Jesus. (Who wouldn't pick that? Considering the alternative!)

From the very beginning of my life, I felt flawed and defective. After all, I was doomed. Born a sinner. Not just me, everyone. Everyone was doomed. Unless they chose Jesus as their savior. Otherwise, eternity in Hell. There were no other belief systems that were "right," everyone who believed anything different was going to hell.

If you believe what I was taught and it serves you and makes you happy, that's great. This post is not for you. And, PLEASE do NOT tell me why I should to return to those beliefs. And if knowing I don't believe that anymore makes you want to stop reading my stuff, following me on FB, etc. that’s fine. I wish you love and light. 

In my case, these beliefs did a lot of harm to my soul and psyche. While I have been healing from those wounds for years, I've recently had an enormous break-through that released the condemnation I have held deep in my body and soul. It might be the single most liberating healing I've had in my journey. 

I am very curious if there is anyone who can relate to my story and has the same type of wounds from a religion or other cultural structure? 

I'm seriously thinking about starting a group coaching program specifically for people who want to heal their "religion" wounds. 

We all deserve to know we are loved, exactly as we are and that we are worthy, from the moment we are born. That's what is eternal.

I'd love to know your story, if you have your own religious wounds. Please email me or private message me on Facebook and tell me as much or as little as you'd like. You will not be judged. You will not be shamed. I promise. 

Create the Self-Love You Deserve!

Gabrielle and I were models. Along with about a dozen other fabulous women. We instantly hit it off. She’s got a magnetic personality.

Having your picture taken together in your underwear creates a special bond!

That’s how I met this week’s Cocktails and Coaching co-host, Gabrielle Garofalo. We were in a photo shoot for a book, and a movement, frankly, called, BARE. BARE was conceived by Susan Hyatt and is disrupting the diet culture. BARE teaches women how to love the bodies exactly as they are, as a strategy get to their ideal weight.

I’ve been thinking a lot about self-love lately.

It’s so hard to do yet may be the single most powerful tool we have to improve our lives.

If only we really understood the power of loving ourselves.

When I’m loving myself, I make better choices, professionally, in the food I eat, the movement by body gets, my relationships are healthier, I choose better men to date and I feel infinitely more powerful in my life. 

Gabrielle and I are excited to spend time with you Wednesday, at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern in my private FB Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation.

It’s going to be a powerful evening. In addition to modeling with me, Gabrielle is a multi-passionate entrepreneur. She doesn't like to define herself by one role or passion rather the complicated and wonderful sum of her parts. An entrepreneur, marketing consultant, food & drink blogger, coach and mom of three she often finds herself either traveling into NYC to consult with clients or hopping on her paddle board to commune in nature while working up a sweat. You can find her on IG as Gabrielle.Garofalo and on Facebook here.

Gabrielle also teaches women the BARE(TM) process and how to channel passion to purpose at home, in career and in the mirror. I’ll have her tell us more about that on Wednesday!

We love getting questions ahead of time from you! You can ask us any question on any subject here, and join the FB Group, here, if you aren’t a member.

Can’t wait to see you Wednesday at 5 Pacific/8 Eastern for another fabulous episode of Cocktails and Coaching!

The Sick Baby that Changed Everything!

Do you have anything in your life, right now, that is bugging the hell out of you?

I do.

It might be a job that drives you nuts or sucks you dry.

Or a relationship where you don’t feel seen or heard and you feel like you want to scream half the time!

It could be your finances, you hate where you live, your car broke down…again… or any number of other things you want to be different.

If I could wave a magic wand and those things would begin to transform into something new… would you like that?

You’ve come to the right place.

I was given the wand today by one of my teacher’s, Kai Shanti. Check out her YouTube Channel and you’ll get to know her magic.

We were talking about a few of the things in my life that are bugging the hell out of me. I am totally, 100% aware that I am resisting them. And I know better. As someone famous said, “What you resist, persists.”

But, knowing you’re resisting and being able to stop it, are two different things.

Yes, I help clients get out of their own resistance all the time. That doesn’t mean I don’t need a little help getting out of mine. We don’t let surgeons operate on themselves for a reason.

At any rate, as I was lamenting my awareness that I was resisting, but also how stuck I was in it, she gave me this perfect metaphor and it changed everything. Instantly.

A sick baby.

She asked me, if I had a sick baby, would I still love it?

Of course I would! I have four kids, this is a metaphor I can totally relate to. If you don’t relate to it, that’s cool, substitute a pet of some sort, or a plant. If you love something or someone and they get sick, you still love them. Your love doesn’t diminish because they are a total pain in the neck!

Let’s face it, sick babies, pets, even plants, can be a pain in the neck. There’s the constant caring for them, which means you probably aren’t getting the rest you need. There are the Dr./Vet/Botanist visits that cost money, take time and aren’t always that helpful. Need I go on?

And, it never changes your love for him/her/it. In fact, sometimes your love deepens.

What if we applied that to ourselves?

Forget the irritating boss, co-worker, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, your finances, your credit score, where you live, etc.

Look at you. Everything about you and your life at the moment. And just like you would do with that sick baby, love it. Love everything about it. Just love it.

When we are in love, pure love, we know that somehow, things will be okay. We’ll get through it. A solution will show itself.

Do we try to change it? Sure.

We don’t look at a sick baby and say, “you’re going to be a sick baby the rest of your life.”

Hell no!

We look for medicine, we look for people who have healed from the disease and see what we can learn, we do research, we try different things. We never give up.

And, we never stop loving the baby. Whether all the things we try work or not.

Today, I encourage you to do what I did.

Love the fucking sick baby!! Love the hell out of her.

Love is always the best way to find a solution or notice a synchronicity or get some inspired action.

Love is the opposite of resistance. You can’t resist the baby and love the baby, so without even trying, your resistance will drop away, because of the power of your love.

I’d be honored to help you figure out how to love your sick baby and move towards whatever the path to healing is.

I’ve got a few spots open for one-on-one clients. Let’s explore if it’s right for you. Book a free 15-minute Discovery Call and we’ll figure it out and go from there.

You might also like my 100 Days of Living Orgasmically video series. Yes, I’m using orgasm as a metaphor, and it’s an amazing one. Check out the entire playlist here. You can’t live orgasmically if you’re not loving your sick baby. This I know for sure.

You Deserve a "Yes!"

Summer is nearing its end. 

Did you do the things you wanted to? 

Or are you like most of us, looking back, thinking, “where the hell did summer go?” 

It’s the perfect time to re-group. 

To grab your “yes!” for the summer!

What do you want? What are you longing for? 

·     Sleep

·     Self-care

·     Self-love 

·     To start a project, you’ve been putting off

·     To deal with a relationship or issue that just won’t go away!

This is where I come in. 

That’s my super-power. 

Helping clients find their truth (not mine, not societies, not their spouses, or mother’s) and take action that gives them the, “Yes!” they’ve been longing for. 

What sort of “Yes!” can you expect when you work with me? Good question. 

Here are some examples.

MY CLIENTS HAVE:

• Learned how to stop putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own so they can finally take care of themselves and pursue their own passions

• Stopped the cycle of shame and pursued an entrepreneurial dream

• Activated confidence, emotionally and sexually, to begin dating, after a relationship ended badly

• Found the blocks that led to overwhelm, and the clarity needed to change their business offerings

• Found the confidence needed to leave a marriage that wasn’t in alignment anymore

• Ended the pattern of getting into romantic relationships that didn’t support them

• Released professional blocks and limiting beliefs that kept her professional performance and income limited which increased her income and status in her company

• Gained the confidence to pursue new employment opportunities after being fired

• Let go of past traumas to pursue the lifestyle, relationships and careers they never felt worthy of

Here’s what one of my recent clients told me after her final session: “I really do feel like a shiny new person Brenda. Thanks be to you always. You have changed my life forever.”

Now, I’d call that a “Yes!”  

Come get yours. 

I’ve got a few spots open for one-on-one clients right now. 

I’d love to talk to you and see if I can help you and if so, how. 

Say, “Yes!” to a 15-minute Discovery Call and we’ll figure it out. Click here to check out my coaching page and schedule your Discovery Call today. 

How's your anxiety?

Anxiety hits all of us at some point.  

Sometimes it’s hot, heavy and never-ending. 

Sometimes it rushes in, out of nowhere, and grabs us by the throat.

It drives us into fear. Imagining terrible outcomes.

It’s always reminding us of something awful in the past or warning us about something awful in the future.

It masquerades as “helpful.”

As if it’s going to make you extra smart or extra resourceful in order to prevent or circumvent a terrible outcome it is imagining or remembering.

Think about it though.

Is it really helpful?

Does it really help you find your most creative, best possible outcome? Does it bring you to the best version of yourself?  

No.

Our best ideas, our best problem-solving skills come out of a place of peace and love. That’s why we ask friends and family for help when we’re struggling. We know they will think of something we won’t. Because they aren’t in anxiety about the situation.

Would you like to turn down the volume on your anxiety and turn up the volume on peace and love?

Then join me for From Darkness to Light. It’s a four-week, small group, coaching program. I’m only allowing 10 people in the group. It’s for men and women. We’re going to face anxiety head-on with tools and life-hacks that will turn down that volume. You’ll move you towards the peace and love that moves you into better decisions, less stress and into a better version of yourself.

I’ve priced it at a super reasonable $99. Get all the deets here and register. It won’t be a mistake, I promise. Your anxiety might not like it, but isn’t that the point??? <3 <3