Is it time to spice up your relationship with pleasure?

Sex is a beautiful way to express your love and affection to someone you love. It’s also a great way to release stress and dramatically change your mood. 

But, Have you ever felt like you want to be intimate with your partner, but your body doesn’t seem to be coming to the party? I think it’s probably happened to all of us.

Sex can feel like such a confusing and complicated topic, that many of us avoid it. Today, we’re looking at things with our eyes wide open! 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep & discuss this topic with my guest, Liz Dube. Liz  is an expert on sex & intimacy. She speak to groups and blog regularly on the topic of sex and relationships

 What you will discover:

- What does a sex therapist do?

- How to Ignite Your Sexual Desire?

- How to deal with the lack of sexual desire, satisfaction, or confidence?

- How to stop being in the pleaser-mode while having Sex?

And much more… Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

How Can Pleasure Can be a Litmus Test?

Do you use pleasure as a litmus test? 

You may think that is a crazy question! 

In the world I grew up in there was a sort-of “nobility” placed on suffering and definite suspicion about anything around pleasure!

No one openly talked about pleasure. 

Even sex wasn’t talked about in the context of pleasure. It’s as if you should keep it to yourself if you were experiencing pleasure with sex. 

Anybody with me?? Comment down below and tell me if anyone you grew up with talked about pleasure!? 

As I’ve grown spiritually, I’ve begun to understand the true role of pleasure as a tool for guidance.

Yes, I’ve just used the words, spiritually, pleasure and guidance in the same sentence! 

I have come to know and experience that we are, I am, you are - designed for pleasure. 

When it’s time to make a decision, a great way to know what to do, is to ask, “does this feel like pleasure or pain?” 

I’ve learned the hard way sometimes, to move towards pleasure. 

Sure, the pain decision is sometimes more socially accepted. We live in a time that thrives on fear, pain, suffering, anxiety and things being “hard.” 

But, pleasure… that takes me into my unique self-expression. 

Pleasure leads me into authentic power. 

Pleasure moves me towards “scared-cited.” A lovely phrase for when you’re stretching outside of your comfort zone and into your next evolution. 

I hope you’ll join me for a Club and a Room I’ve recently started in Clubhouse. I apologize in advance for android users who can’t join. It wasn’t my idea to make it an Apple only platform, but alas… it is. 

The Club is, Sex+Pleasure+Freedom and the Room is, Sex as a Gateway to Awakening, which meets every Wednesday at 12:30 pm Pacific time. 

Follow me in Clubhouse, after setting up your profile and I’ll follow you too. 

Join the Sex+Pleasure+Freedom Club here: https://www.joinclubhouse.com/club/sex-pleasure-freedom

Join me for the Room Sex as a Gateway to Awakening on Weds. at 12:30 pm Pacific  here: https://www.joinclubhouse.com/event/mWOlVAn8

If you aren’t in Clubhouse, let me know with your reply that this topic interests you. I am super passionate about this topic and would gladly coach or create a program for it! 

Can Sex be a Gateway to Awakening?

Do you think sex can be a gateway to your own personal, professional and spiritual awakening? 

My podcast guest, Dominey Drew and I, as we discuss how sex and pleasure play a role in our awakening at all levels. 

Dominey and I will share very personal stories - you might want to grab your headphones - and open up about our own awakenings. 

This episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser may stretch your current paradigm about awakening… so I encourage you to open your heart and mind and join us for this amazing conversation! 

Listen to the episode HERE. 

In love, light and awakening, 

Brenda

PS This is in the show notes, but to make it easy…. To connect with Dominey find her on IG: @DomineyDrew - or email her at domineydrew@gmail.com  You can book a call with her, tell her you found her on the Liberate Your People Pleaser Podcast:

https://calendly.com/domineydrewcoaching/exclusive-access-consult

Can You Be a People Pleaser in the Bedroom?

One of the tell-tale signs of people pleasing, when it’s not one of our super-powers, is that we aren’t really clear on what it is that we want. 

We get so wrapped up in what we think other people want and need, we can lose track of our own wants and needs. 

That can be disastrous in the bedroom. Trust me, I know. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I share a very personal story of my journey from being sexually abused as a kid and thinking I was frigid in my marriage to liberating myself to a fun and pleasurable life in the bedroom! 

If I can do it, so can you. 

I’ve got the first step for you in today’s episode. Listen to it HERE. 

Please DM me or email me if you need support in this area. You do not need to figure it out alone. I’m here as your guide on the journey. 

In love and pleasure, 

Brenda

People Pleasing in the Bedroom 🙄

It’s time to talk about how people pleasing affects us in the bedroom. 

This is a subject near and dear to my heart, because I’ve lived through sexual abuse as a child and a truly disfunctional sex life in my first marriage. 

When that marriage was over one of my most prevailing thoughts, even though I had four kids from 8 - 15 years old that I needed to support on my own when I didn’t make enough money to do that… was, yay! I never have to have sex again! 

I know. Hard to believe! 

This is a big topic that I can’t do justice to in one blog, but let’s start the conversation. 

When we are in our people pleasing habits that keep us prioritizing our partners wants, needs, feelings, likes and dislikes, we can’t be in our authentic power. When we aren’t in our authentic power, we can’t be authentic lovers. 

We can have sex. We can say yes, when we want to say no. We can tell ourselves it’s what’s expected of a good wife/husband. (Yes, ladies, there are plenty of men who are people pleasers in and out of the bedroom and it doesn’t serve them any more than it does us.) We can go through the motions, but the best sex is always when we’re really present. 

That’s why, for those of you who have experienced it, it can be easier to have great sex with a stranger. There’s not any relationship baggage and we tend to be present. Our bodies were made for pleasure. If we show up and are present, it unusually turns out to be pretty good! 

How do we get our power back in the bedroom? How do we stop saying yes when we mean no, or prioritizing what our partner wants over what we want? 

The first step is deciding it’s important for you to get what you want and need in the bedroom. You’ve got to believe you have the right for your wants and needs to be a priority. Of course, in a healthy relationship we share who’s needs get priority if our needs are conflicting, but it can’t always be your lover’s turn! 

The second step is to know what you want. 

Wait. 

That might be a problem. 

If you’ve been prioritizing your lover for a long time, you might have lost touch with what you want in bed. What gives you the most pleasure. What is fun to you. If you’ve lost touch with your own pleasures, it’s time to go back to when you were a kid and innocently enjoyed exploring your  body and sexual stimulation. 

I grew up in such a sexually dysfunctional family, I didn’t do any innocent exploration of my body or sexual pleasures until I was in my 30’s. Yep. That’s not a typo! So… If I made it to sexual pleasure and freedom, you can too! 

Start. Take one step. Then take another. 

If you need some help, I’m here for you. 

This is a perfect issue to get some one-on-one coaching for. 

I promise, no matter where you’re at, there’s hope. You can have fantastic sex and feel authentic power in the bedroom. You aren’t alone. You don’t have to figure it all out. I’m here to gently guide you into your authentic sexual expression. Hit reply, your email is confidential and I’m the only one who will see it.

In power and pleasure, 

Brenda

On the Road to Enlightenment... I'll Take a Martini!

The road to enlightenment isn’t for the faint of heart. 

And, we’re all on the road. Unless we’ve decided to never grow. Never learn. Never change. 

You may not think about yourself as being on the road to enlightenment, but I bet you want to grow. You don’t want to be exactly the same next year, as you are today. So.. You’re on the road.

Me, I’m going to take a martini with me! As 100% committed to enlightenment as I am, I love pleasure. I love being irreverent. I love saying “Fuck!” as a fun exclamation point! I love having sex, drinking wine, having a glass of Champagne and having a martini (although, in truth, I’ll more likely have a cosmopolitan, which isn’t exactly a martini, but it’s close!)

I don’t think all that is counter to enlightenment, it’s just now how we typically imagine enlightenment. We typically imagine it as quiet, proper, probably a vegetarian and celibate or at least not openly enthusiastic about steak and sex, like I am!  

I’m here to break the mold of what it looks like to pursue enlightenment. All of us, in every shape, style and personality type is pursuing enlightenment in our own way. 

I started Cocktails and Coachingbecause of this seeming dichotomy. Accessing our inner wisdom, seeking truth, seeking to know ourselves and the Divine on a deeper level and… having a cocktail in the process! 

Join me Wednesday, August 14that 5 pm Pacific/8 Eastern, and my super-unconventional co-host, Kai Shanti. Kai has many amazing gifts and a colorful background (think, “married to a rock-star’ colorful.) Kai has an amazing YouTube channelyou can go to and hear her amazing wisdom. She channels higher consciousness and she shares my passion for discussing sex, sexuality and personal power within our sexuality. It’s going to be a powerful gathering! 

Ask your question, on any topic, right here. We gather in my private Facebook Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation. If you aren’t a member, click here to join.

See you Wednesday as we pursue our enlightenment along with a glass of wine, martini, Kombucha, tea or whatever suits your beautiful, authentic self! 

Can three hours change your life?

Three hours really can change your life!

Three hours. Radical change. Do you want it?

Stop for a moment and think about one thing, that if you experienced radical change in that area, would significantly improve your life. What is yours?

Is it:

• Your business

• Your job

• A relationship

• Your sex life - of lack of it

• Your body

• Your finances

• Issues with your kids

• An project you can't seem to start - or finish

Take the three hour test.

What if you devoted three hours of your time, not even three in a row? Three hours, over one or two months, and you experienced radical change, would it be worth it to you?

And what if that cost you $1,000, would you do it? Three hours. $1,000. Radical change.

If your answer is no, then I recommend you stop telling yourself that the issue is important. If the change you want isn't worth three hours of your time and a little bit of money (go back to your bank statement and look at everything you spend money on that isn't food, gas, and bills. You'll find a lot more than $1,000 that you could divert, for a month or two, to your radical change.)

If your answer is yes...

You passed the three hour test and you're in the right place.

Now, I'm going to invite you to create radical change in three hours. How will you do it? It's simple.

You show up for three, one hour, one-on-one sessions with me.

My clients experience radical change all the time. In three sessions they transform their businesses, their lives, their finances, their relationships, their sex life, whatever the issue is that they bring to the coaching session, my clients experiences change. It's freakishly effective!

Sound too good to be true?

Let me share a few stories from some of my current clients.

- One client was working towards self-confidence in her business. As an entrepreneur, you know that your level of confidence effects every aspect of your business. By the time we finished our session she had several significant insights that increased her self-confidence.

- One client, in her 70's, was wanting to turn up the heat in her sex life with her husband. I love coaching women into transformation in their sex lives. Most of us have tons of baggage, if not trauma, that impacts our sex lives, significantly. Coaching this client to feel and find the power of her sexual energy, was a joy for me and her. I'm sure her hubby was pretty happy too!

- A couple other clients are wanting to start a business or grow their business. They needed practical advice for financing, planning, strategy and marketing for their business. But, that's never everything an entrepreneur needs. Mindset is where it all starts or stops. You can have the best strategy in the world, but if your mindset is negative, you feel unworthy, you lack confidence, you don't think you're smart enough or went to the 'right' school or have a college degree, your mindset will silently sabotage every strategy you put into place. I worked with these clients to free their limiting mindset and get some great strategies in place.

Are you willing to devote three hours to your own radical change?

The cool thing is that when you're ready, change is ready. It's been waiting for you.

Here's all you need to do. 

1. Book a 15 minute call with me. In 15 minutes you and I will both know if we are a good match and if I can help you with your specific issue. If I can't help you, I'll do my best to refer you to someone who can. Use this link to book the call. It's free and there's no obligation. This is where your radical change begins.

2. Plan on spending three hours, that's one session, for one hour, over the next four to eight weeks. We'll have our sessions by phone so you don't need to travel or do anything other than be available and present during our call. You'll also want to bring an attitude of change with you. Be open and willing to radically change.

3. You won't need to spend $1,000 for this radical change. You'll invest $495 for three sessions. Radical change is worth thousands of dollars, practically, emotionally and energetically. An investment of $495 makes it an easy, yes.

I can't wait to talk to you on our 15 minute call. There is nothing that thrills me more than coaching a person to their personal radical change!

Q's for the Sex Queen, Episode 2

The second episode of Q's for the Sex Queen out and ready for viewing!

Headphones are a good idea. I answer audience member’s questions honestly and clearly.

In this episode I answer questions about orgasms and aging, experimenting with a new variation of sex, or whether not to, sex as a way to created present moment awareness and more!

No two episodes are alike and the questions are submitted anonymously on my website so people ask interesting, honest questions.

If you want to submit a question for the next episode, use this link.

Two things you can't avoid

No, not death and taxes.

It’s change and sex.

Life changes. Relationships change. Careers change. Kids cause all kinds of change. Moving changes everything. Aging changes things. Finances change.

 Sometimes we choose change, sometimes it chooses us, but it’s coming, no matter what.

Sex.

Why did I have to bring that up, you ask?

That’s why! Because whether we like it or not, it’s a natural part of life. Whether you’re having it, or not. Whether you’re getting as much as you want. Whether your partner wants as much, or as little as you. Whether you’re single and wanting someone to have it with.

 We can try to not think about it, but it’s always there.

Enter, Life Coach.

As a coach, everything I coach clients through has something to do with these two.

The client wants change and needs help creating it.

Change happened to the client and they need help navigating it and learning how to see life from a new perspective.

They are frustrated sexually because they aren’t getting what they want, whether that’s more of it or less of it. They want to experiment or change something and they aren’t sure how to address it with their partner, or they are trying to sort through how they even feel about sex after a sexually bothersome or abusive situation. Where the hell do you go to talk to someone about and of that??

Right here.

These two, change and sex, are in my zone of genius. I eat problems like this for lunch, then come back for more!

There’s something thrilling about liberating someone else to the freedom, clarity and joy that is possible when they solve problems and explore what’s possible.

I’m like a possibilities expert. I’ll help you find what’s possible, whether you’re where you’re at by choice or change. Your decision or someone else’s.

There are three ways we can work together.

They’re all easy. They all get you results. What’s best for you based on the problem you want to solve and your style for learning new skills. Some folks are super DIY. Other’s need more personal attention.

1.     Think Your Way to Success – This is a digital, DIY program. Once you register a link to the content (videos and a worksheet) are delivered to your inbox. You can watch the videos as often as you want and fill out worksheets to your heart’s content. The focus of this program is stressful thoughts. Change is stressful, and every stress comes with a thought. I’ll teach you how to slay the thought and liberate yourself to a more peaceful path that is full of possibilities you didn’t see before. It’s truly magical.

2.     One Big Change – You guessed it. This is perfect when you want to create change in your life. It’s a combination of recoded lessons, weekly challenges and inspiration that are delivered to your inbox on Monday, Wednesday and Friday for four weeks. You get to keep all the recordings to listen to whenever you need a refresher. This is a combination of DIT and personal attention because you also get two, 30-minute private coaching sessions with me when you register for this program.

3.     Private, one-on-one coaching. This is when you really want to make fast, deep change in your life. Because we spend all our time focused on you and your problem that needs solving, I can coach you into a deeper understanding of yourself and the complexities of the problem. Everything is very specialized to you and what you want and need out of coaching.

Not sure which option is best for you? Click here to schedule a 15-minute call and we’ll figure it out together. <3

Freebies

I always like to provide free ways for people to work with me as well. I create quality content and love the emails and messages I get back about how inspiring and helpful my blogs, masterclasses and videos are to people. Which, by the way, always makes my day! If you aren’t on my email list, click here to sign up.

There’s an ongoing conversation about sex, it’s challenges, curiosities, impact on relationships, how to get comfortable when you’re back in the dating game, etc. going on through my YouTube Playlist, Qs for the Sex Queen. You can submit questions anonymously through my website here, and watch the videos here. A new episode is coming out in the next few days, so submit your questions now and I’ll answer them in that episode.

If you’re a woman, I have a free Facebook Group that is awesome! You’ll get support and tons of positive information and affirmations for you and your journey. Join that group here and answer two easy questions. I’ll have you added in no time! Private FB Group request to join.

Let’s end 2018 and begin 2019 with all the tools and yummy goodness available to us and have a rockin 2019!!

Stop Apologizing for your Body!

We do it all the time.   

• ​I’m sorry. I bumped into you. 

• I’m sorry, can you get me a bigger size?

• I’m sorry my stomach sticks out.

• I’m sorry my breasts are too big…. or small.

• I’m sorry. I’m not in the mood to have sex.

• I’m sorry. I love having sex.

• I’m sorry. I love dressing and acting sexy.

• I’m sorry I took the seat you wanted.

• I’m sorry my size and shape don’t fit your idea of pretty. 

• I’m sorry NOTHING in your clothing store fits me.

What could you do with all the mental and physical energy you spend on apologizing?

I’ll tell you what you could do.

You could rule your world!

You deserve to rule your world! You're going to be awesome at it!

I’m looking for five women who are ready to stop apologizing for their body!

I created a 30-day program designed to give you the tools you need to move from, “I’m sorry” to, “this is me!”

You can radically change your how you see your body, your self-care and how you see yourself sexually! 

Check it out here.

If you have any questions, email me and lay it on me.

Let’s do this!

Let’s stop the fucking apologies!