Does this ever get to you?

Self-judgment. 

Our inner-tormentor. 

“You did that wrong.” 

“You’ve ruined it.” 

“If you hadn’t done that, then this wouldn’t have happened.” 

Does your inner-tormentor follow you wherever you go? 

Almost every client I’ve had in the last few weeks has been dealing with it big time! As I coached them into self-love… which is the only cure for self-judgment… I realized… 

I was doing it too!! 

I was looking at my life, and a few of the things I’d like to be different and boom! My self-judgment went into full swing! 

“If you hadn’t done that, this wouldn’t be happening.” Ugh!

I’ll give you the simple solution I gave myself and my clients, the answer to the end of self-judgment is self-love. 

Here’s how to do it. 

Whatever your inner-judge is throwing at you, love it, like it was a little kid trying something new. 

When a child starts something new, let’s say learning to play the saxophone, as a mother of a child who did that, let me tell you, it’s not pretty! Your kid is going to make lots of mistakes while they are learning. It will be painful to your ears! You’ll want them to stop! But you won’t tell them to quit or that they sound terrible - yes you never do - because you love them and they are learning something new. 

Everything we do in life is learning something new. The person we are today is doing something they’ve never done before as the person they are today. They may have done it from the person they were yesterday or 6 months ago or two years ago, but every day is a new day. You’ve never been here before. 

When judgment comes in to tell you that you’re going to fail before you even begin lovingly tell judgment that today is a new day and doesn’t need to be defined by yesterday. Love it for trying to protect you, even though you don’t want to be protected that way anymore. 

When it comes to tell you that you screwed up before so that’s why things aren’t the way you want them now, lovely tell judgment that you were doing your best back then and it’s okay if it didn’t all go the way you wanted it to. You’re on your way and that’s what matters. 

Love. Love will silence the inner-tormentor, the inner-critic, the inner-judge. Love will keep you picking up that saxophone until you know how to make beautiful music with it. 

And that music will heal you and make the world a better place. 

If you need a coach to help you through this transformation of your inner-judgment, I’d love to chat! Book a 15-Minute Call and tell me where you’re feeling beat up by your inner-judge! 

Are You Avoiding This?

Are you avoiding going to the beach and being seen in your swimsuit?

Are you avoiding going to the gym to avoid being seen in your workout clothes?

If it sounds familiar, keep on reading…

In our society, body shaming is seemingly never-ending. There are very few of us who don't have some sort of shame around our bodies. 

It can be difficult to love your body without effort and there are many challenges to face before one feels compassion, acceptance, and ultimately love for their body. 

The truth is that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and that all bodies are valuable no matter what they look like or how healthy they are. Everyone who loves you will love you just as much no matter how much you weigh. But till we really begin to accept our bodies exactly the way they are, we will continue with that criticism from the culture and from within.

In Today’s Episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser, I’m gonna share with you should be avoiding, I’m also going to dig deeper and answer some very important questions regarding today’s topic:

- What is Body- Shame?

- How to Move Through Feelings of Body Shame?

- Why should we start to diminish those voices of criticism?

- Why should you love your body the way it is?

Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Put Yourself at the Top of Your List!

Today I’m sharing one of my most listened to podcasts! Even if you heard it when it originally aired on Christmas Day, 2021, it will feel fresh and new today. Why, because you’re in a different place now then you were then. 

Growing up we were often taught that being selfless is better than being selfish. But there’s a huge difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself. Overwhelm will often kick in when we’re running around taking care of everybody else, and haven’t stopped and considered what we need to do to take care of ourselves.

Because putting the happiness and well being of others before our own wants and needs is a formula for exhaustion, overwhelm and burn-out. We cannot be our best selves living our best lives if we constantly put others before ourselves.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some  very important questions regarding today’ topic:

Why do you need to put Yourself at the Top of Your List?

How to drop the habits of people-pleasing?

How to stop prioritizing other people over yourself without being selfish?

How to Start Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Your Needs?

And much more.

Listen HERE.

I’ll see you next week with a NEW episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser!

What if Love Really Heals Every Wound?

I had the honor and joy of marrying my son and his fiance this weekend. (Photos on IG soon!)

I thought about love a lot. 

My journey of love. 

Romantic love. 

Self-love. 

The love of family. 

The love of friends. 

I’ve experienced so much healing in my life because of love. 

While others were at times a part of that and I healed through their love…

The truth is, it has been the journey of loving myself that my deepest healing has occurred. 

That’s why I love coaching so much. 

You could say, what I do is coach clients into healing themselves by loving themselves. 

Do you want it? Do you want that deeply healing experience of loving yourself into life? 

For just two more days, June 30, I’m offering a crazy affordable “Love Heals” coaching package. Three, one-hour sessions for $300! Consider it my love offering to you and your journey. 

Whatever needs healing. Whatever you want. It is possible for you… through the power of love. 

Get your Love Heals package HERE. 

Do you want to know my favorite question?

We all get stuck. 

When we’re stuck it’s super easy to spiral into self-criticism and doubt. 

It’s an ugly spiral! 

Instead… I invite you to use my favorite question… “What is seeking to emerge?” 

It’s so gentle. It’s not-judgmental. It’s loving. It doesn’t invite the downward spiral. 

Now, the challenge is, your mind might respond with, “ummmm... I don’t know.” 

What’s seeking to emerge is a new way of approaching whatever has you stuck or uncertain. Our mind usually goes blank when we try a new way of approaching things. No problem.

That’s where I come in. 

When you work with me, I’ll coach into your own inner wisdom to explore the answers to that question. 

You’ll be surprised. My clients are often surprised. I get a lot of “Wow! I never thought of that,” from clients. That’s how I know we’re getting to the truth. The real truth. Not what you’ve been conditioned to or influenced by others into. Just your pure truth. It’s so beautiful! 

I’m going to make it really easy for you too. I’ve been inspired to offer 3 full, one-hour sessions, for $300! That’s a huge discount off my normal rate. I’m calling it the Love Heals package because “what’s seeking to emerge? Is a loving question.

I trust my inner wisdom when it tells me to do something like this, so whether you’ve worked with me in the past, are working with me now and want to add-on these sessions or want to use this opportunity to work with me for the first time, this offer is for you. 

Get my Love Heals package for $300! There’s even a payment plan! This spectacular opportunity ends on June 30, so do it now before this email gets buried in your inbox and find out what is seeking to emerge in your life.

On my way….

I’m on my way home after 6 glorious days in Hawaii today! 

But I wanted to ask you, before I take off… 

What do you want? 

What do you want more of? 

What do you want less of? 

Your secret is safe with me! I am a judgement free zone. 

I’m more inspired and absolutely certain that my mission is to help you get more… and less of what you want in your life! 

No need to figure out how or tell yourself it’s not possible for you. 

I promise. It is. 

I’ll help you get there. 

DM me and tell me what you want more of and what you want less of. 

How do you want to feel when summer is over?

It’s so easy to end the summer exhausted! 

You do so much for family and friends. 

There are so many activities. 

The fantasy of time at the pool or beach, reading a book in your lounge chair doesn’t seem to become a reality. 

September comes and you’re glad to get back to a “normal” routine and hope things settle down a bit. 

How about a luxury get-away to whisk you out of the summer and into the best September you’ve ever had? 

That’s what I’ve got for you with the Say Yes Luxury Retreat. 

Take yourself away for 5 days and indulge in… YOURSELF! 

You’ve earned it! 

Imagine what will happen when you get away from the hustle and bustle of home, leave your responsibilities and obligations behind and spend 5 days luxuriating in beautiful Huntington Beach, CA with all your needs taken care of, a circle of like-minded women and me as your host and life coach for 5 days! 

The sky’s the limit! 

All you need to do is, Say Yes!

Registration closes tomorrow and there’s only 1 spot left! 

Do it for you. You’ve earned it. 

In liberation, 

Brenda

PS. If you aren’t sure if the retreat is right for you, hit reply and ask me anything! You don’t want this opportunity for rejuvenation, inspiration, transformation and restoration to pass you by!

Let me know if you want this!

Have you ever wondered what a coaching session with me would do for you? 

Here’s your chance to find out! 

I’m giving away 3 Coaching Sessions!

If you:

• Feel overworked and underappreciated

• Have a decision coming up you don’t have clarity on

• Realize Imposter Syndrome has you second-guessing yourself at work or in your business

• Don’t feel seen and heard in your relationship

• Want to have the courage to start dating

• Or feel stuck or overwhelmed about something 

This is for you! 

I’ve coached clients with issues just like those, and tons more, into finding their own answers, their own power, confidence, clarity and self-love. 

All you need to do is complete this simple form. It will only take a few minutes, and tell me what’s got you stuck, angry, second guessing yourself, feeling overwhelmed… whatever it is. 

I’ll be drawing the names of 3 lucky winners in a few days, so don’t wait. Complete the Curious about Coaching form to enter the drawing. 

You’re going to love how you feel after our session! 

Are you looking for love?

Are you looking for love? ... but it’s just not happening..

Well, many of us are seeking to find our perfect companion/lover/partner. We crave having someone by our side who will love us through our moments of imperfection, and share the memories of our lives with us. We’ve seen enough movies about it, so it must be possible, right?

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep & discuss this topic with my guest, Valerie DiLuggo. Valerie is a marriage & family therapist in San Mateo, CA. She currently practices at Catholic Charities Cyo. She is also a Dating & Relationship Coach, her goal is to help people find, nurture & celebrate love!

 What you will discover:

- How to find real Love and how to keep it?

- How To Prioritise Self-Love While You’re In A Relationship?

- Why should you stop abandoning yourself for the other in a Relationship?

- What is EMDR?

And much more… Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Does Coaching Really Work? An Interview w/Meredith Jacks

Working with a coach has become more common than it was a few years ago. From professional athletes to successful business professionals, from mid-life moms to college graduates, the reasons for working with a coach are as varied as the individuals.

But, no matter how you look at it, life throws a lot of challenges at us! With so much pressure and so many obligations, it’s clear to see why we often feel overwhelmed and anxious. 

That’s why a good life coach is so important. We often get so ingrained and set in our ways that it’s hard to see things from a fresh perspective. It’s difficult to fathom and digest the possibilities that exist out there in the world when we’re so used to operating within what we’ve deemed “safe” for so long.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep & discuss this topic with my guest, Meredith Styer Jacks. Meredith is a former coaching client and participant in an Emotional Intelligence and Leadership Effectiveness training class I teach. She surprised me with some of her answers for why coaching was so transformational in this engaging interview. You’re going to love it!

 What you will discover:

- Does coaching really work?

- Are there tangible results when you get coached?

- What does coaching with me look like?

And much more… Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

How to Ask for What You Need

It can be amazingly difficult to ask for what we need. 

There may be some topics or with certain people, that it’s easy, but for most of us, it feels more complicated. 

If we’re pretty sure the person isn’t going to want to give us what we ask for, we might get triggered into anger, or overly justifying and rationalizing why we are asking. 

In today’s Liberate Your People Pleaser  episode, I’ll break down how to ask for what you need in a way that is compelling and simple. 

There’s no better skill to start the new year with!

You can listen to today’s episode HERE.

Happy New Year and I’d love to hear about the things you want to ask for in 2022. DM me and tell me about them! 

Put Yourself at the Top of Your List

Growing up we were often taught that being selfless is better than being selfish. But there’s a huge difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself. Overwhelm will often kick in when we’re running around taking care of everybody else, and haven’t stopped and considered what we need to do to take care of ourselves.

Because putting the happiness and well being of others before our own wants and needs is a formula for exhaustion, overwhelm and burn-out. We cannot be our best selves living our best lives if we constantly put others before ourselves.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some  very important questions regarding today’ topic:

Why do you need to put Yourself at the Top of Your List?

How to drop the habits of people-pleasing?

How to stop prioritizing other people over yourself without being selfish?

How to Start Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Your Needs?

And much more.

Listen to today’s episode HERE. 

Enjoy ending 2021 and beginning fresh, at the top of your list, 2022!

Do you want an upgrade?!

I woke up yesterday morning and thought, “I need to upgrade my office!” 

There wasn’t anything “wrong” with it. 

I live in a small studio apartment so there’s not a lot of space. When I moved in I carved out a small area by the front door and put my desk, printer, office supplies and notebooks there. Much of it was in a neat pile on the floor. Not bad. It certainly met my needs. 

But yesterday I knew… it was time for an upgrade. I decided I needed a bookshelf to put supplies, notebooks, markers, etc. on. I made a run to Target, spent $25 on a bookshelf and Voila! An hour later, even with building the bookshelf, I had an upgraded office! 

I felt like a million bucks. It was a huge improvement for such a small change. 

Life is like that. We can often make a small change that end up having a big impact. 

Where do you need an upgrade in your life? It might be in your physical space, like mine was. Or it might be emotionally, spiritually or in your body. 

We often tell ourselves until we have the time, money or motivation for a big upgrade there’s no point. 

But that’s a lie. 

You can reap huge benefits from a small change. I don’t always say this, but in this case… think small. 

You could: 

• Take 10 minutes looking at a gorgeous flower or something else in nature to rest your mind and feed your soul.

• Clean out that one drawer that makes you crazy. Not an entire closet, just one drawer. 

• Read, listen or watch something inspiring for 5 minutes, three times a day. That’s only 15 minutes, but spread through the day, it will change your day. 

• Change your dish soap to a scent that gives you joy! I love lavender all year, this time of year I like something that smells like fall. I might as well enjoy the smell of the bubbles while I wash the pans! 

There are so many things you can do. Start today. What needs an upgrade in your life and what can you do today to take a small upgraded step? 

Staying in Your Own Sandbox - Wait - What?

This came up in Cocktails and Coaching last week. 

Staying in our sandbox, instead of messing in someone else’s sandbox. 

Let me explain… 

It’s all about how, as people pleasers, it’s easy to have empathy for someone else. But then we tend to take on those feelings, take on their problems or make how they feel and what they need more important than how we feel or what we need. Right? Everyone can relate to that! 

Welcome to the sandbox metaphor. 

Imagine each of us has a sandbox. In the sandbox are all your feelings, your body, your thoughts, your desires, your wants and needs, everything that is uniquely you. It’s a gorgeous sandbox! 

Everyone has their own sandbox. With their own feelings, their body, their thoughts, desires, wants, needs and everything that is unique to them. Their sandbox is gorgeous too and it’s just right for them and their journey. 

It’s great to look over at that other sandbox and notice that they are sad, anxious, fearful, or anything else. From my sandbox, I can ask them if I can support them or I can simply be beside them, in my own sandbox, seeing and hearing them. In healthy empathy we can see the other person without taking their stuff on as if it were our own.

When we get into people pleasing we tend to hop right into their sandbox. Trying to make it better, solve their problem, change how they feel, and we give lots of advice! We’re sure, in the nicest way, that we can make their sandbox better. 

The problem is, we have to leave our sandbox to get into theirs. That’s why we end up feeling resentful or exhausted. Because we are not in our own sandbox taking care of what we need, prioritizing our feelings and self-care. 

On top of that, when we hop over to someone else’s sandbox we start robbing them of the life lessons they need in order to take care of their own sandbox. In the extreme, that means they never really learn to take care of themselves. They never learn how to create a sandbox that suits their unique life. 

Staying in our sandbox, playing, creating, living the life that brings us joy is actually the best way to “help” another person. When they see you living in freedom and joy, it allows them to get inspired to create a sandbox that brings them freedom and joy. 

Where have you hopped over into someone else's sandbox? It’s so easy to do. There’s no shame in it. Simply notice it, and get back into your own sandbox. Then fill it with all the self-care you need to recover from leaving it. 

Reclaiming You!

It’s time. 

It feels like when a caterpillar comes out of its cocoon. 

As… a butterfly! 

A totally new being. 

That’s how this summer feels to me. 

Or… let me be more accurate, it feels like it has the POSSIBILITY of being something totally new.

It’s always a choice. 

Do we emerge from a year-and-a-half of uninvited, dramatic change that affected every aspect of our lives… the same as we were? 

Or do we accept the invitation to become something new? 

I’m choosing to become a new version of myself. 

I don’t want to “get back to normal.” 

I want to reclaim me. The newest version of myself that is more compassionate, trusting, abundant and tuned into my inner truth. The truth that transcends the outer world of phenomena and circumstance. 

I want to cultivate more inner trust. A deeper inner connection. Increased confidence to speak up for myself even when it’s hard. An increased ability to speak up for others even if it’s not popular. 

And my desires? My mission in life? Those dreams and visions just get bigger and bigger. I feel like I’m on the precipice of a huge expansion. And I’m ready! 

How about you? What do you want to claim for yourself? Do you feel a new desire or mission percolating? I’d love to hear about it! Please tell me. DM me if it feels private, or email me, Brenda@BrendaFlorida.com

And, if you’re reading this and thinking… WTF is she talking about?! I feel flat and depleted after the last year-and-a-half! Then tell me that too! 

You are in the right place, at the right time, being exactly who you are. Loving yourself into what’s next for you, is the only way. It’s what I help clients do every day. Allowing, love and growing out of self-compassion, not out of a forced need to “fix” something. 

I can’t wait to hear where you’re at and what’s up for you!

What to do when the rug gets ripped out from under you

I had the rug totally ripped out from under me last week. 

I was angry. Disappointed. I felt deflated and defeated.

What did I do?

I doubled down on my self-love and self-care. Exactly what I coach client’s to do. 

I’m not a very good coach if I can’t practice what I preach. 

When the going gets tough, it’s not time to push harder, or dive into self-criticism and judgment, although we will be tempted.  

If you’re an eternal optimist, like me, you will also be tempted to make yourself look on the bright-side or focus on the “silver lining,” bypassing the “negative” emotions that you’re feeling.

We might even get feedback from friends and family that is smacks of judgement, silver linings or being “strong.”

But here’s what you really need, it’s exactly what I needed and did. 

Self-love and self-care. 

Simple. But, not familiar to most of us.  

You might be wondering what self-love and self-care look like. So often we think of going to get our nails done or taking ourselves out to dinner. That might be it, but it may not. 

To me, the secret to self-love and self-care is that it’s a gift from you, to you. You don’t need anyone else. It’s not dependent on a spouse, lover, friend, or frankly a good manicurist or bartender. If it is dependent on someone else, it could get fu*$ed-up by that someone else. 

Don’t leave your self-love and self-care in the hands of someone else! If you think of it, that’s not even what it’s called. It’s not “other-love” or “other-care.” 

It’s about the self. You. You as the answer. You as the gift. Because, you are.

You might: 

• Quit work early

• Take a nice bath or shower

• Using a favorite soap, bubble bath or lotion and really taking the time to notice how it smells and feels on your body

• Masterbation is fantastic for healing, loving and grounding the body

• Reading a fun book

• Cooking yourself a lovely meal (if you love to cook this can be very loving)

• Take a walk/run or even sit in nature

• Meditate

• Light some candles

• Listen to music

• Take a nap

• Go to bed early (sleep is incredibly healing)

You’ll notice, these don’t require another person or money. 

You have everything you need to heal and rejuvenate yourself. Sure, it might take a combination of things, you might not bounce-back in an hour or even a day, but these will all nurture your mind, body and spirit. They will bring you back to wholeness, enoughness, and belief in your own resilience and confidence. 

What’s your favorite self-love/self-care activity? I’d love to hear what you do?