Create the Self-Love You Deserve!

Gabrielle and I were models. Along with about a dozen other fabulous women. We instantly hit it off. She’s got a magnetic personality.

Having your picture taken together in your underwear creates a special bond!

That’s how I met this week’s Cocktails and Coaching co-host, Gabrielle Garofalo. We were in a photo shoot for a book, and a movement, frankly, called, BARE. BARE was conceived by Susan Hyatt and is disrupting the diet culture. BARE teaches women how to love the bodies exactly as they are, as a strategy get to their ideal weight.

I’ve been thinking a lot about self-love lately.

It’s so hard to do yet may be the single most powerful tool we have to improve our lives.

If only we really understood the power of loving ourselves.

When I’m loving myself, I make better choices, professionally, in the food I eat, the movement by body gets, my relationships are healthier, I choose better men to date and I feel infinitely more powerful in my life. 

Gabrielle and I are excited to spend time with you Wednesday, at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern in my private FB Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation.

It’s going to be a powerful evening. In addition to modeling with me, Gabrielle is a multi-passionate entrepreneur. She doesn't like to define herself by one role or passion rather the complicated and wonderful sum of her parts. An entrepreneur, marketing consultant, food & drink blogger, coach and mom of three she often finds herself either traveling into NYC to consult with clients or hopping on her paddle board to commune in nature while working up a sweat. You can find her on IG as Gabrielle.Garofalo and on Facebook here.

Gabrielle also teaches women the BARE(TM) process and how to channel passion to purpose at home, in career and in the mirror. I’ll have her tell us more about that on Wednesday!

We love getting questions ahead of time from you! You can ask us any question on any subject here, and join the FB Group, here, if you aren’t a member.

Can’t wait to see you Wednesday at 5 Pacific/8 Eastern for another fabulous episode of Cocktails and Coaching!

Exclusive Advice from a Painting

Who knew posing for this pinup painting would teach me so much?! 

When you lay around in your underwear for a painter, even a female one, it's transformative. 

What were the two things I learned posing for this painting? 

1. Being vulnerable can be scary, but when you open yourself up and allow yourself to show someone who you truly are, including all your imperfections, it liberates you!

There is so much freedom in vulnerability. 

In this painting my hands are over my belly because I have a scar that runs across half of my stomach. I didn't really want it in the painting. I talked to the artist, Laura Scott Steiger, and she suggested this pose. Problem solved. No shame. And I didn't have to show everyone my scar. 

Being vulnerable doesn't mean we have to 'show and tell' everything to everyone. It means we have select people we trust, who have shown they are safe and won't judge or criticize us, then we decide how much we feel like sharing with others and the world at large.  

2. Sexuality and sensuality can be a gateway to a spiritual awakening. Our lives are not compartmentalized. Our work isn't separate from our relationships or our bodies and how we care for them, our sexuality or our spirituality. 

We tend to think of those things as being separate, we might have a problem with one and not with another. That can be true. 

Here's what's also true, when we evolve ourselves and grow in one area of life, it improves all the others. 

Our sexuality and sensuality often get left off the list of "important" things in our lives that deserve our care and attention. My experience is that they are incredibly powerful in creating transformation in our lives. 

Posing for this painting gave me so much confidence and feeling of personal power as a woman. I've carry that into everything I do. 

That's why I'm so excited that Rupa Kapoor of Women Redefined, is going to be my co-host on Cocktails and Coaching tomorrow night. We will gather in my private Facebook Group at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern. 

Rupa has a gift for helping women feel safe and free to express their vulnerability and the truth of who they are. "I love helping women show up and be seen through a fun and unique photography experience! I allow women to truly own who they are without the labels and be seen, feel empowered and beautiful in ways they never imagined." 

I can't wait for you to spend time with Rupa and hear more about her story on Wednesday. 

As always, we welcome your questions for us to answer during Cocktails and Coaching. You can submit your question here. 

Grab a cocktail or other beverage of choice and join me and Rupa for a juicy and lively conversation tomorrow! 

Sorry. Not Sorry

I think being sexy, at least for a woman, has gotten a bad rap.

I love being sexy and I’m not apologizing for it! Sorry. Not Sorry.

There’s a stigma that some men will behave badly when a woman behaves or dresses sexy. And that somehow, that is the woman’s fault. What can she expect after all? Men will be men. They are stimulated visually. It’s not their fault.

Ummm, really? I am very stimulated visually. So, following this logic; if I see a man who stimulates me sexually; would I touch him, maybe graze over his crotch, as if by accident, so I can cop a feel? Would I stare or tell him how I’d love to see him out of that suit and in my bed? Or better yet, serve back a line that I’ve heard before, “You know what would look good on you? Me!” Ummm, no. I don’t think so.

YUCK! Can we have a collective yuck on that!

Acting and dressing sexy, taking a sexy selfie, showing some cleavage or wearing a great pair of sexy heels, doesn’t mean you are inviting others to make sexual advances.

When I’m expressing myself in a way that some would describe as sexy, or when I commissioned a pinup painting, as I did lately, I’m not doing it to get attention from a man. I’m doing it because I like expressing myself that way. And I’m proud to have the confidence to do so. Just like I also enjoy expressing myself in a formal gown with heels or yoga pants with flip flops. I do it for me. Because they are all part of who I am.

How I dress isn’t an open invitation.

I'm also not apologizing for how I dress or act. I refuse to be sorry that, sometimes, I act and dress in a manner that could be described as sexy.  

I don’t dress, nor behave, for others. I dress for myself. I act in ways that are congruent with my authentic self. My sexy self!

Some people like it. Some people don’t. That’s fine.

And, please, let’s stop with the insinuations and statements I often hear about how “She deserved it. Look how she’s dressed.” Or a classic, “She was flirting with him. Of course, he got aroused. What did she expect?”

I’ll tell you what she expected. To be treated as an equal. To be treated with respect. To be treated with dignity. She expects that a man is always, and I mean always, responsible for how he behaves and what he says. Even under the ‘duress’ of a sexy woman! If you can’t control yourself, stay away!

That means, even if she’s flirting, you don’t touch without asking. You dance the dance of flirtation with respect and dignity which means you check in to be sure she’s enjoying it as much as you are.

Women, it means you stay tuned into your own body and senses and you always give yourself permission to say, “no.” You give yourself permission to walk away. I don’t care if you “started it.” Walk the fuck away. It’s your right. Make a scene if you need to!

It’s time to stop blaming women for their sexiness.  

What will you do to express your sexy side this week? Does that intimidate you? Does it excite you? I’d love to hear how you feel about letting your sexy-side come out to play and how you do that.

If you need them, here are a few suggestions:

• Sexy lingerie is a great way to turn-on your sexy.

• Wear Red lipstick. I mean, really red. Marilyn Monroe Red. It’s always sexy

• Wear a mini-skirt or item of clothing that shows a little more skin than you’re used to

• Listen to sultry, sexy music

• Light some candles, run the bathwater, turn on the music and give yourself some pleasure…you know what I mean!

Stop Apologizing for your Body!

We do it all the time.   

• ​I’m sorry. I bumped into you. 

• I’m sorry, can you get me a bigger size?

• I’m sorry my stomach sticks out.

• I’m sorry my breasts are too big…. or small.

• I’m sorry. I’m not in the mood to have sex.

• I’m sorry. I love having sex.

• I’m sorry. I love dressing and acting sexy.

• I’m sorry I took the seat you wanted.

• I’m sorry my size and shape don’t fit your idea of pretty. 

• I’m sorry NOTHING in your clothing store fits me.

What could you do with all the mental and physical energy you spend on apologizing?

I’ll tell you what you could do.

You could rule your world!

You deserve to rule your world! You're going to be awesome at it!

I’m looking for five women who are ready to stop apologizing for their body!

I created a 30-day program designed to give you the tools you need to move from, “I’m sorry” to, “this is me!”

You can radically change your how you see your body, your self-care and how you see yourself sexually! 

Check it out here.

If you have any questions, email me and lay it on me.

Let’s do this!

Let’s stop the fucking apologies!

Calling all Women Entrepreneurs!

I love women entrepreneurs!

Here’s what I want for all of us… 

Let’s be the Queen of our business.

A Queen is bold.

She’s brave.

She’s thoughtful in her endeavors.

She leads her Queendom with clarity and confidence.  

She makes decisions and trusts her judgement.

She gets advice when needed. After considering the advice, she stands in her truth and power, whether others agree or disagree, knowing that she must be true to her own inner wisdom.  

She enjoys her position, her wealth and her influence in the Queendom, without guilt or shame.

She knows she is worthy. Capable. Competent.

Is it easy? No.

Does she always know she is right? No.

Does she ever experience doubt? Of course she does. She is human and she accepts that truth as well.

She makes mistakes and forgives herself.

As the Queen she also knows she knows she has been chosen for this life. To lead. To serve.

She showers herself with love and care. She allows herself pleasure. She knows when she is happy and healthy she serves her Queendom from the highest expression of herself.

Whether she has a man beside her as king, or in her bedroom as a lover, she takes charge of her own sexual pleasure. She knows what her body wants. She can express those desires to her lover and she takes responsibility for her sexual needs and desires, alone or with her lover.

She keeps her heart and mind focused on what she wants for herself and for her Queendom, moving through her day with dignity, power and grace. Offering gratitude for everything.

She does not tolerate cruelty. She knows when to say no. And doesn’t allow others to use her power for their benefit. She knows that not everyone around her has pure intentions. She stands firm in her boundaries, never diminishing her wants, desires or values, goals. She speaks with clarity and confidence.

She never apologizes for her position, her beauty, power or her decisions.

She knows she is a work in progress and that every challenge is a lesson that causes her to become a better version of the Queen she already is.

Will you stand with me and be the Queen of your business and life?  

Join me for my upcoming Masterclass, Be the Queen of your Business, September 27th at 7 pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific. Register here and get your crown ready!

Your body is not an apology

Regardless

• of size. 
• of the color of your skin.
• of your height. 
• of the color of your hair. 
• of your sexual orientation.
• of your gender identity (if you even want to have one.)
• of whether someone has abused that beautiful body. 

You are beautiful.

You are lavish. 

You are a unique expression of the Divine. 

I recently read the fabulous book, The Body is Not an Apology, by Sonja Renee Tayler.  I highly recommend it. She's a serious badass and she's serious about radical self-love. 

Tonight, I have over 100 women who have registered to join me for the Masterclass, Be the Sex Queen of Your Life. 

I'm serious about empowering women sexually. 

When we feel empowered sexually, regardless of all the things listed above, regardless of being single or in a relationship, we experience radical transformation. It improves our health. Reduces stress. Makes us more productive and creative. 

Seriously, aren't the benefits worth it? Our sex lives often get set to the side as 'not that important.'  

I'm here to tell you, your health, creativity, productivity and stress levels are worthy of your attention. 

Join me tonight for Masterclass, Be the Sex Queen of your Life at 7 pm Eastern, 4 pm Pacific. Register to get the link to join us and the workbook. 

If you are interested in exploring what it would be like to work with me one-on-one about your sex life, let's schedule a 10 minute call to see if, and how, I can help you. I'll be honest, I've lived the spectrum from being sexually abused as a child, never having an orgasm in my marriage, being shut down sexually, shut-off from my body and thinking I was frigid; to learning how to connect to, and love my body, and how to love sex! I can relate to where you are in your journey. I'd love to work together! You can email me at Brenda@BrendaFlorida.com. Just put 10 min call in the subject line. I'll know what you mean. :) You deserve to be the Sex Queen of your life! 

It's Happening!

I’m in Bloomington, Indiana today! We report to the super-secret photo shoot location at 9:00 a.m. For approximately, eight hours I’ll be hanging out with 10 other delightful women, photographer, Chelsea Sanders, hair and make-up artists, and the crew needed for such a project. All of us models, in our bras and panties, while we get our photos taken. Not a normal Thursday for me.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I wrote about it in Sunday’s blog. Check it out here.

The short version of the story is I applied to an open casting call, for models, to appear in a book called, BARE.

You KNOW I’ll have a lot to say after this beautiful experience! Watch for that!

Follow the adventure on FB with me too! My personal page is here. My private FB Group, for women only, is here.

Sending you love and body positivity!

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, hit reply to this email and we’ll schedule a quick, 10-minute call to see if working together is going to be transformational and magical for you. 🙂

Live Lavishly Light Episode #2

Welcome to the new series, Live Lavishly Light!

We’re going to start every Monday with something to illuminate the week. An inspiration, insight or coaching tip, something yummy and delicious.

I’ve created a YouTube playlist where all the episodes can be found. That way if you miss one, you can always go to the playlist and see it there.

Today’s Live Lavishly Light Episode is all about unexpected blessings.

I’ve dedicated this episode to my mom, you’ll hear why in the video.

Unexpected blessings are all around us. It’s all about being aware of them and giving them our attention. (Episode 1 covers the power of where we place our attention.)

How many unexpected blessings will you notice this week? Let me know in the comments on YouTube or Facebook.

How do you get your creative juices flowing?

How do you get your creative juices flowing?

Maybe you don't feel like you have any creative juice to get flowing! I'm here to tell you, that's not true!

All of us are creative.

We all have ideas.

Every new invention, every piece of art, every object in this beautiful world began as an idea. A thought.

From thought to form.

Every time we take a thought, or idea, and make it real, turn it into form, we are creating.

When you think of it that way, you've created a lot!

Creative space.

It's a lot easier to turn those thoughts and ideas into form when we give ourselves the space to cultivate and nurture our creative juices. Sometimes we spontaneously create something. The idea comes out of nowhere, we act on it and BAM! There it is! The painting, the blog post, the book, the freshly cooked dinner.

For me, it's much more likely that I create a space for myself that encourages my creative juices. What does that mean? I set the intention for this weekend to be one of creative space. I have a new program I'll be releasing soon, I want to free up some time to do more one-on-one coaching and I have some ideas about cool stuff I want to create for the holidays (they'll be here before we know it!) What will I do this weekend to make creative space for myself? Here's how it will look

• No deadlines or activities to go to. I want to feel the freedom of open time.
• Feed myself first. I've selected a couple of specific things to nurture my heart and soul.
• Order. That may sound odd, but I want my house in order. I don't want to create in chaos, so I planned ahead and did the chores I might do on the weekend during the week.
• Nature. I love to spend time in nature when I'm in my creative space. I'll go for a walk. If I can get near water (a river, ocean, pool, any water will do) I do that, I live on the third floor and back up to a wooded area. Sometimes sitting in my lovely living room looking out at the trees and sky is just what I need.
• Movement. I might hit the gym for a while, or go for a walk, but my body needs to move. This is not second-nature to me. I have to work on this, but I do notice that moving my body gets my energy moving and that really helps my mind be more creative.
• Love. Self-love. This means no judgment. No criticism. I don't look at what I create and label it as, not good enough. Even if I re-work it or create another version of it. Whatever I create, I love and value for what it is. Loving a 'raw' version of something opens me up to seeing what it might grow into. If I judge and criticize, it shuts off my creative energy.
• Enough Already! Yes, rather than focussing on how my creation isn't good enough, big enough, brilliant enough or whatever 'not enough' thing that might cross my mind, I remind myself that I am enough already. That I have everything I need, right now. The seed of every creation, every idea, every program, every gift I might bring to the world is in me. My job is to give it the love and nurturing it needs to be born. I am enough already.

What will you create?

What are you yearning to create in your life?

Will you give yourself the time and space to create it?

This I know for sure, the world needs what you yearn to create.

Can Beauty be a Feeling?

Can beauty be a feeling? I think so!

Think of the last sunset you saw.

The last time you felt full to the brim with love for someone.

A piece of art that moves you to tears.

A poem that inspired you.

That's beauty as a feeling.

Watch today's video and tell me what you think...

The Living Obituary

Brenda Florida, loving mother, grandmother, daughter, sister and friend. Many viewed her as passionate, ambitious and determined.

They were right.

She loved life and the people in her life.

And, she was often ashamed of the money she spent, her body and her failed relationships with men. At times her shame was so deep she felt like she took up too much space, was unworthy, flawed and defective.

She was ashamed to feel proud of herself. As a child she was told, “pride cometh before a fall.” Confusing feeling proud with being arrogant, as many do, she wasn’t able to own her brilliance. The brilliance of living as the unique expression of the Divine that she was in the world. She limited herself in what she believed she was capable of. The lives she could touch. The change she could be in the world.

She died in Paris.

Thankfully, she was also reborn in Paris.

She heard the message, “It’s you. You’re the one.”

She cried. Something that in her previous life rarely happened.

She saw the beauty of Paris.

She experienced the beauty of the women who had joined her on a retreat.

Most importantly, she saw the beauty of her-Self. Her unique expression of the Divine. Who she truly is.

She owned her brilliance.

She does not know all the answers or what will happen next in this new life.

She does know that she will run towards the light of her own brilliance. Listen to what it says, go where it leads.

She knows that others will not always understand. That’s okay.

She knows she will fail, and will do so spectacularly! Knowing that what the world interprets as failure is the space where growth and beauty are born, where her brilliance will learn to shine brighter.

Her passion, love and determination are magnified because she owns her brilliance. She seeks her own answers from the Source of that brilliance. She doesn’t expect others to understand or approve. She follows the light.

Paris, the city of lights, beauty, fashion, architecture, history, art and it’s own brilliance was her birthplace. She knows who she is. Her worth. That she is the one.

She owns her brilliance.

She wants you to know, you have your own unique brilliance. That by owning your brilliance, you will be changed. And when we are changed, when we each own our brilliance, the world will be changed.