Are You Good at Asking for What You Need?

It can be amazingly difficult to ask for what we need. 

There may be some topics or with certain people, that it’s easy, but for most of us, it feels more complicated. 

If we’re pretty sure the person isn’t going to want to give us what we ask for, we might get triggered into anger, or overly justifying and rationalizing why we are asking. 

In today’s Liberate Your People Pleaser episode, I’ll break down how to ask for what you need in a way that is compelling and simple. 

Get it all in today’s episode… right HERE.

This is What My Client Asked For!

“Can you just give me the steps?” 

It seems like a fair question. She hired me to help her in her career and with her relationship with her boyfriend. 

She was sincere. 

She would do the work. 

What are the steps? 

You’ve probably heard me say there’s no formula. 

I’m a big believer in life being way too interesting and complex for a one-size-fits-all formula that solves our problems. 

No. I don’t believe in formulas. You are too unique. I am too. 

But here’s what I’ve found. It’s not a formula and it wasn’t the easy 4-steps my client was asking for, but it did give her the framework she needed to start unraveling what was going on in her career and relationship that brought her into coaching with me. 

What are the big four? 

1. Desires

2. Thoughts

3. Feelings

4. Inspired Action

They aren’t a hierarchy, which is why it’s not a formula to me. 

They are key elements to all liberation. 

This works for me as much as any client, so I’ll get personal. 

1. Desire. I need to know what I desire. This includes my passions, interests, the things that intrigue me and compel me to action. They have to be mine. Not what I think my family wants me to desire, or my friends, or the culture. For me, now, it’s coaching, writing, speaking, living near the beach, fabulous relationships with family and friends, taking care of my body, fashion, food, wine and travel… to name a few. 

2. Thoughts. What are my thoughts about each of these desires? This is where you dig up any thoughts of “not good enough” or “not enough money,” “not enough time,” etc. These are our limiting beliefs. I’ve had a deep belief all my life that I don’t get to have what I want. So, I can get really freaked out if I even get close to getting what I want, because I think it will be taken away from me. One important thing about these thoughts; in one part of our intellect, we may not even BELIEVE them. If you asked me if I believe I get what I want, I would say, generally, yes. Of course I don’t get everything I want, but I’ve had a great life! However, when I’m struggling with certain things I get this very distinct thought that I don’t get to have what I want. When the going gets tough, that unconscious believe comes alive! And our unconscious beliefs will always rule the day. 

3. Feelings. Wow! I am more and more impressed with how much our feelings impact everything! And the power we have to choose how we feel independent of circumstances. Two years ago when I had almost nooooo money, and I mean that quite literally. Often less than $100 to my name, I learned how to feel abundant, even without money. It wasn’t easy, but damn! It was liberating to know I had the power to do that! 

4. Inspired Action. This is the action you take when you’ve identified a desire, your thoughts are positive and loving about achieving that desire and your feeling empowered and confident. 

All of our “problems” pop up when one, or more, of these four is out of alignment. Sometimes we take action and we can’t sustain our momentum. We lose the excitement early on. Instead of “pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps” and “soldering on,” like most of us were taught, I coach people to stop and reevaluate. It’s quite possible their desire has shifted or changed in some way. That’s why it’s so hard to take consistent action. If we dig into the desire and realize it’s still there, then we have to look at the thoughts or feelings that are making taking action so difficult. My client’s and I always find them. 

Because if our desires, thoughts, feelings and actions are all in alignment we’re living in joy. 

Living in joy doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Frankly, that would be boring. It does mean that we feel a joy and a certain ease in pursuing the desire. It just “feels” right. 

Think about something in your life that isn’t working 100% for you, right now. Apply these for elements to it and see if you can find the piece(s) that are out of place. 

I’d love to hear from you and know what you figured out. And if it caused you to feel like it’s time to get a coach to help you through it all, then I’d love to explore working with you. I have a few one-on-one coaching spots open right now, so book a 15-Minute Discovery Call and we’ll see if I’m the right coach for you and if the timing is right. Book your call HERE.

I bet this has happened to you…

Unsolicited advice. 

As people pleasers there are a lot of times we feel like we really need to tell someone what we see, or think they need. 

We see what others need because of our powerful gift of intuition, empathy and insight. 

Here’s the problem. 

To them, it’s unsolicited advice. 

So what do we do? 

Are we holding our tongue and not speaking our truth if we don’t say anything? 

I’ll clear all this up in today's episode, which was inspired by an email I received recently from a listener. 

So, keep those emails, comments and DMs coming! I love to address your specific challenge or question here on Liberate Your People Pleaser. 

Do You Ever Ignore Your Desires?

Desire. 

The very word can bring on anxiety! 

Do you know what you desire? 

Do you ever ignore your desires, or worse yet, shame them? 

I’m sure you have and probably someone else has shamed you for your desires or ignored you when you asked for what you desired. 

We’ve heard too often, “who do you think you are?” 

I will tell you who you are.

You are a unique divine expression. Boom! 💥

Every desire you have has been put there by divine intelligence to support you in being your unique divine expression, instead of the person that your family or culture might have wanted you to be.

It’s time for judgment to be over. 

It’s time for shame to be over. 

The second-guessing is over.

Be the unique divine expression that you are. There is only one of you. If you don’t be you, no one will. The gift of you will be lost to the universe. 

The journey begins with desire. 

What are three things you desire, right now? Tell me what they are. I will be your co-conspirator in you becoming unapologetically, YOU!

How I’m being Unapologetically Authentic

I can be a contradiction in terms. So many things about me don’t make a lot of sense together, and yet, they are what makes me, me. 

I’ve learned that if I try to suppress any of them, I end up not being authentic because I’m not bringing all of myself to the table. 

• I love flip flops and stilettos 

• I am deeply spiritual and a potty-mouth

• Extroverted (I love to be the center of attention!) and a lover of solitude

• I love to travel and I LOVE my home and sleeping in my own bed

and my current expression of my contradictions….

Cocktails and Coaching! 

Those two may seem like they don’t go together, but to me they do! 

At a minimum, they are two things I love! 

I’m inviting you to join me, live, on Wednesday evenings for this fun and inspirational time together! 

Cocktails and Coaching will be in my private FB Group, Liberate Your People Pleaser. If you aren’t a member, JOIN HERE.

I’ll be live for about 30 minutes. Come and go as needed. 

I’ll post the video on IG, @lavishbrenda, so you can catch the reply there or through the FB Group. 

I welcome your questions or topics you’d like for me to cover. Hit reply and let me know what’s on your mind! 

Grab your cocktail, tea or kombucha… I mean, you do you, I’ll have a cocktail… and we’ll enjoy our beverages and have an inspirational chat. It all begins Wednesday, March 3, at 5 pm PST/6 pm MST/7 pm CST/8 pm EST. 

Cheers! 

Brenda

The Power of Choice

The worst feeling in the world is to feel like you have no choice. 

You feel trapped. No way out. No alternatives. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’ll share with you the way we most often give our power away to other people or situations that will cause us to feel like we don’t have any choices. 

And, of course, I won’t leave you in that disempowered place without any choices… I’ll give you the steps to liberation! 

Listen to today’s episode right now, right HERE. 

In power and choice, 

Brenda

The Truth About Power 💥

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m diving into Power. 

What it is. What it’s not. 

How do we “lose” it? 

How do we get it back? 

This is a topic I am an expert in! I’ve given away my power many times and I’ve learned how to get it back. 

Today, I’ll tell you all about it! 

Get ready for a powerful episode! 

Listen here. 

All About Available Power 💪💜

Are there times when you don’t have power? It’s just not available to you? 

You may feel like there’s little or no power available to you 

• In your career

• With your kids

• In a relationship

• In the pandemic

• In your finances

• In your health

The good news is, there is power that is available to you. 

And you don’t need anyone else to give it to you! 

Does that seem too good to be true? 

I’ll show you how in 5 steps. 

Five special days actually. 

I’m gathering a group of like-minded people for a FREE, 5 day event I call, Power Week. 

Before you have the thought that you don’t have time, it’s only a few minutes a day. 

I’m creating a sacred space in a private FB Group, just for this event. We’ll be the only ones there. 

I’ll be live in the FB Group every day. 

You’ll get a daily email with a fun activity and the recording of the Live, in case you missed it. 

You’ll get 5 tools for accessing your innate, authentic power. 

You deserve power. In every situation. 

Join me, next week, Feb. 1-5, 2021. 

Register HERE. 

In love, light and POWER, 

Brenda

Getting vulnerable with you....

This week’s Liberate Your People Pleaser episode is definitely the most vulnerable podcast I’ve recorded to date. 

In it, I’ll reveal some of the difficulties that have shaped my life recently and more importantly how to navigate the unknown and difficult circumstances. 

I don’t want to spoil it by saying more here, so hop on over and listen to this week’s episode, “The Unintended Consequence of Positivity.” 

I’d love to hear your feedback!! Can you relate to my story? How have your challenges moved you forward into the person you have become? 

Listen to the episode HERE.

I Am Super Excited To Share This With You!

I will be joining six other women to share tips and tools about life, love and marriage in an upcoming free virtual masterclass, “A Confident Wife” Empowering You to Stay Married, Happily, or Find the Certainty You Need to Leave.

Because you follow me, I know you will enjoy watching as I and the other badass women really open up and share on subjects like how to create boundaries; how to reconnect; how to love, not please to gain love; how to find and reclaim the humor and fun in your marriage; the difference between true self love and what we usually think of as selfishness or self absorption; and how you find joy and love by first filling your own cup, and simple ways to do that.

This class was designed  to offer direction for reconnecting in love, but even more importantly to support you to be the person you were created to be.

Don’t wait to claim your seat!

Me and the other speakers are offering free gifts in addition to their years of wisdom, insight and expertise! You will laugh, cry and see new ways of living fully open to love.

Look at the free gifts waiting for you!

• Yours Truly  - "3-Step Guide to Being Seen and Heard" 

• La Shell Wooten  - “Your Balance Sheet” A quick study on what may be lacking in your life and how to reclaim it.

• Tiff Zapico – A complimentary call to see what may be stopping you from living your best life

• Deanna Pizitz – “3 Pillars to Good Health”

• Kim Reutzel – “12 Days of Devotional Guidance Scripture Hug”

• Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine – “Five Steps to Rediscovering You”

The Masterclass is Saturday, January 23rd, so hop on over and register now, before you get distracted with anything else and miss the opportunity! 

What’s your happiness set-point?

Did you know that we are predisposed to a happiness “set-point?”

If you’ve ever noticed it seems easier for some people to be happier than you are - or visa versa, today’s podcast interview with Kim Strobel will tell you why.  

Kim is a happiness expert and we had a dynamic and exciting conversation on today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser. You can listen HERE or watch the video HERE. 

Our conversation inspired me to get very transparent about some things I’ve been working on, but more than that, Kim’s got some very specific tools you can use to improve your level of happiness.

And if you’re thinking that Kim is an expert on happiness because her life has been overflowing with happiness since the day she was born… guess again! 

Kim shares very intimately her experience with panic attacks and how that took her on a journey to the happiness coaching she does now. 

Don’t miss this inspiring and practical episode for increasing your level of happiness! 

There’s no better way to start 2021!

Do you ever want to throw a temper tantrum?

Last week we watched our president and some of his fans throw a violent temper tantrum. It was like a two year old being told it’s bedtime! 

I like to look for the metaphor. It helps me see what’s in it for me. 

Of course, I hated watching it and I wanted to be super judgmental. I felt righteous indignation. 

And then I thought, where is there a part of me, hanging on for dear life, when in fact… it’s time to go? 

And, I found it. I’ll share it with you next week.

We all have it. 

More than one “it.” 

Those habits, relationships and ways of thinking that really, really don’t serve us anymore. 

It’s time for them to go. 

Last Wednesday it became abundantly clear to me what my purpose and mission in life is. For myself and others, to work with that stubborn part in all of us that doesn’t want to leave. That is hanging on, threatening us, berating us, spewing lies and refusing to go. 

Where is your two year old throwing a temper tantrum? It can be focused on any person or situation in your life that isn’t the way you want it to be. It might be focused on you. An inner tantrum that berates you to you. 

Let’s take care of it. It’s hard to let things go. I will gladly be your guide and advocate. Book a 15-minute call and we’ll decide what your next steps are. 

With that tantrum comes a feeling of powerlessness. That’s what triggers a tantrum. Together we’ll activate your innate power. The power that will lovingly take charge and lead the way.

What would you do?

It’s hard to imagine how a person recovers from the death of their child, but in today’s interview with Tracey Smith, I am 100% sure, you are going to be inspired by what she did when her son was killed by a drunk driver. 

I don’t want to have any spoiler alerts here, so go listen to this powerful episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser…. NOW!

It’s true that unspeakably difficult things can happen to any of us. 

Do we live in fear? 

No, we take Tracey’s lead and find our way into a life of power and purpose. 

I can’t wait to hear your comments about this episode. 

Share in the comments how Tracey’s story inspired you!

Why I Threw Out My Self-Help Books!

Don’t get me wrong, I love all books. Especially self-help books! 

And yet… those books didn’t help me make the lasting changes that I’ve made. 

So, now, I have thrown out almost all of my self-help books and I spend my money on programs, coaching and courses with teachers who I know will help me make the leap I’m looking for. 

Why? 

Because I’ve learned that sustainable transformations takes very specific work. It can’t be mass produced for a mass audience. 

Transformation that lasts, changing habits and patterns that we’ve had since we were probably kids, takes a lot more than reading how-to strategies and being inspired by someone. 

It takes someone listening to my specific problem, my specific limiting belief, combined with my specific personality and my life experiences. 

When I do that we get to the root of an issue, rather than messing around with the symptoms that I thought were the problem. 

Case in point, clients in my Be Seen and Heard package, need to talk about their specific relationship challenges. Their unique history and stories. My process is similar with each client  -- I could write a book about the process -- but, how I use the process is different with each client. 

That’s why their results are so huge after each session. Sure, it takes multiple sessions, and costs more than a book does, to get where they want to go, but they know it’s a journey. It was a journey to get them where they are in their relationship, they know it’s going to take time to create lasting change and begin to chart a new journey. 

The other thing my clients have in common is they want results that last. Not a quick, pick-me-up, they want a shift that is palpable. 

One client put it this way, “Brenda is awesome! I’ve had much clarity and shifted the energy I was coming into my relationship with. I highly recommend her coaching package!”

So, I wonder, what is it that you want to see a lasting change in? It might not be your relationship, it might be your career, business, relationship with your mother, money or how to truly let go of your adult children. 

I’ve got you. I can be the coach that guides you into the lasting change you long for. We can create a package specific to your situation. Schedule your call with me and we’ll create a plan. Toss the self-help books. Invest in something that will transform you. Schedule your call here. Together, we’ll create the lasting change you are looking for.

Episode 21 to start 2021!

I couldn’t have planned it if I had tried! 

It’s the first podcast of 2021 and it’s episode 21! 

Today it’s all about power. 

Who has the power in your relationship?

Today I’m discussing romantic relationships, but the same question applies to friendships, family and professional relationships. 

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

It’s time to take your power back. Not to have power OVER anyone, but to prevent anyone from having power OVER YOU! 

I’ve got a special coaching package specifically designed to help you. It’s the Be Seen and Heard package. There are two levels - one with 3 sessions, one with 9 sessions plus more support and there are payment plans. Get all the information for the package HERE.

You do not need to spend another year feeling like you are not seen or heard! 

Make 2021 YOUR YEAR!

Behind the Scenes with a Life Coach

A lot of people wonder what it’s like to work with me. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’ll give you a behind the scenes look at what you can expect when you work with me. 

In this special episode I also mention my new coaching package, Be Seen and Heard. You can get more information about that package right HERE. 

I can’t wait to see your appointment pop up on my calendar! 

You deserve to be seen and heard! Listen HERE.