The Notorious RBG

“Fight for the things you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.” 

~The Notorious Ruth Bader Ginsburg

She will be missed. 

“... for such a time as this.” 

I love that phrase... “For such a time as this.” 

You and I are here, in this exact place that we are in, in the exact circumstances that we are in, for such a time as this.  Just like RGB was. And thank goodness she was here! 

I thought a famous person said, “... for such a time as this,” until I was reminded that it comes from an old testament bible story! The story of Queen Ester. 

The “famous” person who said it was Mordacai. You see, Esther’s people, the Jews, were about to perish and because she was Queen, Mordacai believed she could persuade her hubby the King to spare them. I’m paraphrasing here, but he said, “Who knows, maybe you have become the Queen, for such a time as this.” And of course, Queen Esther saved her people. 

Back to you and me. 

What is it that we are being called to, for such a time as this?  

In 2020, we learned what it was like to have a pandemic hit, we could no longer ignore systematic racism,  we could no longer ignore how dysfunctional our political and many of our business systems have become. We are here. In this time. In this place. For such a time as this.

What is calling you, for such a time as this?

I know that one of my callings is facilitating transformation in the women and men who work with me one-on-one, who attend my programs, events and group coaching. I also know that it’s working with young girls to be empowered to know, speak and express their unique truth. I recently became a certified facilitator for Susan Hyatt’s BOLD program for girls, ages 8-18. 

Through BOLD, girls build confidence and self-esteem, create a healthy body image, and establish positive habits that last a lifetime.

Developed by a team of coaches, psychologists, and educators—along with input from girls—BOLD is a unique program that leaves a lasting imprint in young women’s lives.

The BOLD mission is to help girls feel strong, confident, and powerful. We’re creating a generation of young women who are ready to stand tall, use their voices, advocate for themselves, go after their dreams, and make history.

Personal transformation and helping girls feel strong, confident and powerful. For such a time as this, I have come. 

If you know a girl who would love to be in a BOLD class or work with girls who you would like to bring a BOLD class to, let me know you’re interested HERE. 

And I’d love for you to share what your calling is, for such a time as this.

BOLD Empowerment

It's been a long road to empowerment for me. 

What if I had known what I know now when I was eight years old? Or a teenager? 

We're always saying, "I wish I had known this when I was younger.”

Now, the girls you know have that opportunity. In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’ll share a new program I’ll be facilitating to empower girls, called BOLD. 

In the coming weeks I’ll be facilitating a program called, BOLD, by Susan Hyatt. It's for girls 8 -- 18 years old and will give them empowerment tools for dealing with social media, speaking up for themselves, loving their bodies, and more.

What I know for sure is that the girls of today have immense power to shape the world. 

I want them to have the mindset skills, body positivity, self-care, self-love and boundaries that will empower them to:

• Ask for what they want

• Never settle for being treated unfairly

• Speak up against social and political agendas they don’t agree with 

• Express themselves authentically

• Live BOLDLY with confidence

Listen to this powerful Episode, then reach out to me and let’s explore getting a group together… now. The sooner they learn these skills, the better! For them and the world! Brenda@BrendaFlorida.com

My People Pleaser Super-Power

Being a People Please has it’s gifts! I call them Super-Powers! 

What is yours?

I’ll share one of mine with you. 

I see what’s going on below the surface. Whether it’s a problem at work, in a relationship, with kids, relatives, body image, self-criticism, money, you name it, there is something going on below the level of what seems to be going on. 

Clients will come to me with a problem they want to solve. For instance, I had a client who was sick of her job. Her boss was abusive and she wasn’t being valued. That’s a problem. 

As we dive in, what I notice is that there is a common thread in the stories I’m hearing. And then... I get an intuitive hit. I see that what’s really going on is that she is angry at her spouse, who consistently dismisses her ideas and opinions. And… she doesn’t talk to him about it. 

I bring it up, even though it may not even seem relevant to the current problems she is having at work. “It seems like your spouse is very dismissive and that you’re pretty angry about that, even though you’ve not discussed it with him. Tell me where I’m wrong?” 

Almost always, like freakishly often, I get, “You’re totally right! But what does that have to do with my issues at work?” 

And then we get to the real work. 

Inevitably, when we address what is below the surface, the “problem” either resolves itself or a clear solution arises. 

It’s so much more effective than dealing with the surface issue. This client might have changed jobs five times all the while, she’s mad at her hubby for dismissing her and she’s not addressing her anger. 

I spent so many years trying to anticipate what others in my family would need, before they even knew it, or asked for it, that I developed incredible powers of intuition. That’s why it’s my People Pleaser Super-Power. 

What’s your People Pleaser Super-Power? 

I hope you’ll join me for Own Your Brilliance! It’s a workshop I created to discover your Super-Powers and uncover some of the other aspects of People Pleasing that aren't serving you so well. 

It’s going to be great fun and you’ll get powerful tools to increase your confidence and feel empowered. 

Grab your cape and join us! Get the deets HERE and register today! Registration closes tonight, so there’s no time to wait. 

How to Know if You Are an Empath

If you seem to have a sixth sense for what others are feeling and needing, you’re probably an empath! 

It’s one of the superpowers of people pleasers. 

All superpowers have their kryptonite though, and that’s where the going gets tough.

You know how it feels. You get overy caught up in how a loved one or even coworker feels. You can’t seem to shake it. 

Or, you spending too much time wondering how other people feel about you. Are they mad? Did you say or do something that upset them? Have you hurt their feelings? 

And these are not fleeting thoughts. They run through your head over and over. It disrupts your day and maybe even your sleep. 

I know how you feel and what you need.

I created a virtual workshop that will give you the tools and strategies you need to shake off those obsessions with what others are thinking and feeling about you. 

Join me for Own Your Brilliance. You’ll get two 90-minute sessions with me and a group of fabulous people who also want to use their superpowers for their benefit, and the benefit of others. Not have those powers turned against them. 

You’re going to love how this virtual workshop liberates you to fully express the superpowers you have and let go of the ways they can but turned into diminishing you causing self-criticism, doubt and a lack of confidence. 

Get all the details HERE and register for it today. Everything will be recorded and emailed to you so even if you can’t make it live, you’ll get everything you need to keep those superpowers working FOR you!

Are You Craving Freedom!?

It’s been a stormy 2020 in many ways. 

Has it ignited a craving for freedom? 

Whether it’s freedom from systematic racism or the freedom to move about publicly, and even travel, like we used to… I bet you’re like me and you’re craving freedom! 

Well, let’s go get it!

Next week I’m offering a special, two-evening, virtual event I call, Own Your Brilliance. While it’s a live event everything will be recorded so you won’t miss out even if you can’t be there. 

I’m presenting my Freedom Unleashed Process for the first time! 

It’s a quick and powerful four-step process that will liberate you to more freedom and less anxiety and you can use it on anything in your life! I mean anything! 

It’s NOT too good to be true! Check it out in today’s podcast episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser.

Listen to the episode then register for Own Your Brilliance.

Become a Raving Fan of… YOU!

Have you ever thought of yourself as your own worst enemy? 

I was having one of those weeks. Nothing was working. Nothing was going as planned. It seemed like the harder I tried to “course correct” the worse things got. 

Unfortunately, my mean-girl also decided to show up. She was nasty! 

“What are you doing? Nothing is working. How do you get yourself into these messes? How is this going to possibly be okay?” 

You know the drill. 

As soon as I noticed my mean-girl had gabbed her bull-horn to beat me up, I knew. 

This was a choice point.

Was I going to stop my mean-girl and activate my Inner Loving Authority, or stay stuck in my mean-girl? 

It is a choice point. 

Knowing we’re there doesn’t always mean we know what to do to get out of it. 

That’s why I created, Own Your Brilliance. 

A powerful, two-evening, virtual workshop. When you leave Own Your Brilliance you’ll know exactly what to do when your mean-girl shows up and how to course-correct when you’re having “one of those days.” 

Own Your Brilliance is powerful, practical, and of course, we’ll have fun! There’s no better way to learn! Get all the deets HERE and join me on September 2 and 9 for laughter and learning! 

You Are Good Enough!

We’ve all had moments where we didn’t feel good enough. 

It’s something that is almost universal in the human experience. 

The question is, do you believe it? When the “not good enough” voices start rambling on in your head… do you believe them? 

In today’s Liberate Your People Pleaser podcast, I am going to share with you the cure for your “not good enough” thoughts and beliefs. 

It’s a powerful episode that will give you the key to unleashing the highest, most authentic expression of yourself. Watch it HERE.

Join me in knowing, You Are Good Enough! For anything you can imagine!

Dare to be Joyful

“Have you noticed that it seems easier for the world to love a suffering woman than to love a joyful, confident woman? Glennon Doyle, Untamed

Do you dare to be joyful during a pandemic? 

Do you dare to be joyful when a friend is struggling? Or one of your kids? Or your spouse? 

Do you dare to be joyful when the economy is… uncertain? 

Do you dare to be joyful even if every thing in life isn’t joyful? 

I’ll take that dare! 

I’m done with suffering. 

Suffering is a choice. 

Does that mean everything's coming up rainbows and unicorns in my life? Hell No! 

But, what am I willing to give so much power to, that I will let it steal my joy? 

Of course, I’m not encouraging you to bypass your emotions. But, emotions that are felt when they arise, fade very quickly. It’s our resistance to them that keeps them hanging around. 

I don’t want anything outside of me to be more powerful than what’s inside of me. 

And, what is inside of me? Joy. 

And Love.

And Compassion. 

And Kindness. 

Why in the world would I let someone or some situation steal those from me? 

Is it easy? No. If it was easy, everyone would do it. 

That’s why I’m a coach. To be the resource for someone who is ready to choose joy over suffering. Someone who knows they are their own worst enemy and is ready to become their best advocate! 

Now that’s a change worth making. 

I’m ready if you are. 

I’ve got a couple of one-on-one client openings in my calendar. Let’s explore working together. It’s easy. Book a complimentary 15-Minute Discovery Call and we’ll figure it out together. Book yours HERE.

Joy. Let’s make people wonder what we’re up to!

Unshakable. Indestructible. Empowered.

How do we stand in our truth and power when we’re scared? 

How do we experience empowerment when life feels overwhelming? 

How do we create an unshakable, indestructible empowerment? 

It’s one thing to show up confidently, to feel empowered, when you’ve just gotten a promotion, or your business venture is going better than expected. 

How do we do it when we get fired or our business “fails?” 

If we can’t find our empowerment when our circumstances suck, is it really empowerment? 

I love the expression, empowered inside-out. 

That’s what I am cultivating and what I’m helping clients cultivate. 

We feel empowered, we take action that is empowered and we trust in the outcome because of what we are doing on the inside, not because of something one the outside. 

It takes a certain dismantling of imprinted beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of. 

I’ll give you three quick but powerful ways to begin. Don’t dismiss them because they seem too “small.” Small things can be very powerful. 

1. Name what scares you. If you’re invested in what other people think about you,  you are overly focused on financial and professional security, or you stay in relationships long after they’ve stopped serving you, then those things have your power. Naming them is the beginning of releasing their power. 

2. Ask yourself, “if I wasn’t concerned about what others thought or wasn’t worried about money, being alone (whatever fear you’ve named) what would I do differently? 

3. Notice how you feel and what comes up. Very often a client will pause and exclaim, “Oh! I would…..” and say what they would do. When you feel that, there is a certain feeling quality about it. It’s clear. It feels like truth. That is the feeling of being empowered inside-out. That’s what you want to cultivate! 

I’d love to hear about your own example of using these three steps and tell me, did you feel it? Did you feel empowered? If not, there’s no shame in that. You’ve been deeply conditioned to give other people and situations your power. We all have. Share it with me and I’ll do my best to help you break through the block. <3

Did I Just Hear a Dirty Word?

People Pleaser.

It’s not a dirty word because it’s bad. Or because there’s something “wrong” with people who are people pleasers!

I’m one.

It’s a dirty word because of what it does to us.

Our people pleaser will get us twisted into a knot before we know it.

We’re second-guessing everything.

We lose our confidence.

Feel like an imposter.

Anxiety levels skyrocket as we try to figure out how to make everyone happy.

But how do we stop?

We stop by loving ourselves. Simple, yet profound.

Turn it all inward baby!

Here’s the really awesome thing about being a people pleaser – this is why I said there wasn’t anything “wrong” with being one…

We are very generous.

We are loving.

We are intuitive.

We are empathetic.

I could go on and on.

People pleasing is like chocolate cake. A little bit is great, but you can make yourself sick on too much!

Too much unchecked generosity, love and empathy will get us using those super-powers of intuition, love, generosity and empathy in ways that exhausts and drains us.

Our boundaries go weak.

We stop taking care of ourselves.

We feel like there’s never enough time.

We worry… a lot!

Let’s clean things up.

Tune into yourself. Yes, it’s okay to use that intuition on yourself! What do you need?

Love yourself. I work with clients on this all the time. Self-love cures everything. Pure and simple.

Be generous with yourself. Allow yourself some pleasure. Read a book. Lay in a hammock. Take a walk. Take a day off and do whatever the hell you want to. Whatever your soul needs.

Give yourself some of that empathy. Empathy is the art of “taking the perspective of another.” What is your perspective? Sometimes we get so busy doing for others we totally ignore our own experience.

Love is the secret weapon.

Use it on yourself.

xoxo,

Brenda

PS Most of us need help to turn on our superpowers of people pleasing and turn off the aspects that diminish and exhaust us. I’ve got three openings in my calendar for one-on-one clients. Let’s hop on a 15-minute call and see if it’s right for you. Schedule your call here. I can’t wait to chat with you.

The Trap of Significance

We all want to feel significant.

We want to be seen.

We want to be heard.

We want to know we matter.

We want to make a difference.

Where’s the problem?

The desire for significance can activate the people pleaser within.

Our People Pleaser has some fine qualities, but the desire to feel loved and to have the appreciation and approval of others, will lead us down a dis-empowering path.

It’s the easiest thing - and it happens, usually, before we realize it.

We want to please our spouse with a special meal or gift. Or maybe we’ve done something around the house that’s needed to be done for… too long.

We are sure they will be so pleased! So grateful. So appreciative.

And, they aren’t.

Maybe they didn’t notice or didn’t acknowledge the fabulous thing we did!  

Then we’re mad.

Depending on what we’ve done the downward spiral might be quick or it might be ugly and long.

We think things like, “Why don’t I get any recognition for all I do?” “He/she should appreciate all the time and effort that went into this!” Sometimes followed up by, “that’s the LAST TIME I’m doing that!”  

How did we go from graciously doing something to please someone, to angry and feeling unappreciated?

Welcome to the world of People Pleasing.

The beautiful desire to give to another gets hijacked by wanting their appreciation, love or approval.

When we do things because we want appreciation, love or approval things get distorted. The person (job, business, organization, church, friend, etc. etc.) you did the good deed for suddenly has the job of giving you the appreciation, love or approval you want so you feel good about what you did. That means they have the power.

What’s the solution?

It’s pretty simple, even if it seems impossible at first.

Don’t do it.

Let me elaborate.

The next time you get the idea to do something for someone ask yourself why you want to do it?

We’d all like to think we only have benevolent thoughts regarding these things, but if you stop and examine it, you’ll find out, you don’t always.

Sometimes you want the recognition. The acknowledgement. The love. The approval.

No Problem!

Go to your spouse, friend, boss, friend, etc. and tell them you’re needing some love and approval. (OK, you probably don’t want love from your boss. You can edit as needed!)

You can even tell them, what you were thinking about doing that was special and simply ask for what you need. Own that you want to do something special. Own that you want love and appreciation for it.

It looks like this: “Honey, I was thinking about how nice it would be to have a romantic dinner on Friday. Then I realized that part of the reason I want to do that is because I’m craving some love and attention from you. Instead of potentially setting us up for disappointment Friday night, are you up for giving me some love and attention? If so, I’d love to make us a romantic dinner. If you’re too beat and distracted (maybe he/she is) then let’s talk about what we can do to support each other and maybe, we’ll just order in.”

No drama. No strings. It’s owning what you can do without any resentment even if he/she isn’t up for giving you what you need. If he/she is up for it. Wow! Watch out! You’re about to have the best Friday night ever!

Our people pleaser has great intentions, but those hidden agendas will hijack our intentions. It’s time to release your people pleaser and take your power back!

I help clients slay people pleaser issues all the time! I’ve got three openings in my calendar for one-on-one clients. Let’s hop on a 15-minute call and see if it’s right for you. Schedule your call here. I can’t wait to chat with you.

xoxo,

Brenda

Are You Ready For Your Turn?

Do you feel like you’ve given… and given… and given…

You want YOUR TURN!

Our lifestyles are different now. There’s no “normal.”

We’re home… a lot!

Your “invisible workload” has increased.

You probably know about the invisible workload. It’s all the things you do and keep track of in your head that nobody notices… unless you don’t do it, or forget something!

All women have an invisible workload. Some men do, but this is mainly a feminine issue.

You keep track of what’s in the fridge, what everyone likes, and doesn’t like, whose birthday is coming up and has a card or gift been purchased, wrapped, mailed? Is it time to buy cat food/dog food/gerbil food? Not to mention the important question of 2020… do we have toilet paper in the house!

And it’s not just the physical needs. Often, you are caring for the emotional needs of family and friends. You are helping them with their anxiety.

It’s easy to put the needs of others ahead of our own.

There’s a price to pay when you don’t take your turn.

I’ve learned the hard way, the exhausted way, that I am the only one who can call a time-out and give MYSELF A TURN! I had to wake up to my unique deliciousness.

You have a unique deliciousness about you.

You’re tired, frustrated and at your wits end because she is asking you to notice her. For you to step into her power and love.

We’ve been conditioned to be asleep, to forget about our unique deliciousness.

Most of us have been taught that our unique deliciousness is not as important as the needs and wants of others. Or that it’s selfish to focus on it. Hell, some of us were taught that we don’t even have unique deliciousness.

It’s not true!

You are a unique delicious gift to the world. The one and only.

Breathe that in.

Wake up to your unique deliciousness. She’s been calling you.  

Give yourself one hour in the next day or two.

Choose to be awake, remember and get to know your unique deliciousness. You didn’t lose her. You don’t need to find her. She’s right there, waiting.

·      Read a book

·      Take a nap

·      Go for a walk

·      Listen to something inspirational

·      Take a bath

·      Watch side-splitting YouTube videos

I can’t wait to hear what you did and how you felt with your unique deliciousness! Hit reply and tell me about it.

If it feels too impossible find your unique deliciousness or you don’t think you have it, definitely hit reply and tell me about that!  

In love, from my unique deliciousness to yours,

Brenda

P.S. I’ve got 3 spots open, right now, for one-on-one clients. Hit reply and let me know you’re interested in exploring what it would be like to work together. Your unique deliciousness has important information for you. We can tap into her together. You don’t need to figure it out alone.  

Turn Your People Pleaser Inside-Out

I’ve done it.

You’ve probably done it.

It…. People Pleasing.

What does People Pleasing look and sound like?

Lots of, “I’m sorry.”

Even for the smallest thing, like having someone bump into you - and saying, “I’m sorry.” For a People Pleaser it’s like we feel compelled to apologize for taking up space. For being human.

Lots of Exhaustion.

Yes, it’s exhausting trying to do for others all the time. Your family, kids, boss or business. Don’t get me wrong, they are all noble causes, but for a People Pleaser it never ends.  

When it depletes you and leaves you overwhelmed and exhausted, there’s a problem.

Lots of Trouble Saying, “No.”

Oh. Yeah. That.

Sure, a pandemic and unrest in our communities is exhausting. People Pleasing exhausted is special. It comes from a lack of boundaries. The lack of a clear, “No.” It doesn’t mean you don’t care or don’t agree. It simply means the answer is, “No.” At least not right now.

Two powerful ways to respond to your People Pleaser. Turn it Inside-Out

1.     Take responsibility – which is very different than, “I’m sorry.”

We all make mistakes and slip up. But everything doesn’t need an apology.

And we can stop apologizing for what other people do to us!

I know it’s a habit. But, let’s break it.

Take responsibility. “I missed my deadline. I’ll plan my time better in the future.”

“I burned dinner. I am so frustrated with myself for getting distracted! Do you want to order take-out?”

“I missed your birthday! I’m disappointed about that! Tell me everything you did to celebrate! I can’t wait to hear. And, by the way, you are such a gift in my life. Let me tell you how….”

When we connect to our loving inner-authority, who isn’t seeking the approval of others and thinks we are a one-of-a-kind, brilliant being (and she does, trust me! Your loving inner-authority loves you unconditionally and sees all the brilliance you have inside you!) we can take responsibility without judgment or shame.

2.     Get some rest. Which will probably require say, “No” to something or someone.

Being exhausted is no joke.

It lowers your immune system.

It raises your anxiety.

It’s brutal to your body.

What’s one thing you can say no to that will allow you to take a few minutes to rest?

It doesn’t have to be monumental. Small rest periods add up.

Your loving inner authority is waiting for you.

 

Like a perfect mother or BFF, your loving inner authority wants you to have what you need. She is your super-power. She will never give up.

Turn People Pleasing inside-out by becoming empowered from the inside out!

It’s all inside you. You have everything you need.

If you need a little help finding or believing that, let me know in the comments below, or email me here. I’d love to hear from you!

Is There Still a Chance for Possibility Over Fear?

There's no time like the present to embrace Possibility over Fear.

But possibility doesn't include denial. Not in any area of our lives.

Denial does not deliver us to transformation.

Truth delivers us to transformation.

The truth is too many black men and women have been killed, abused and harassed because of their skin color.

I'm sorry that property is being destroyed.

But I'm more sorry for all the black men and women who have experienced countless acts of violence because of the color of their skin.

A friend of mine took her daughter out for a walk and to take some photos of her beautiful girl. She went to a common area IN HER NEIGHBORHOOD and because she is black, a neighbor called the homeowners association to report a "suspicious person" in their neighborhood. She fuckIng lives there! I can't begin to understand the outrage she is feeling!  

I'm all about Love. I'm all about possibility. I'm all about focusing on the change I want to be and see in the world, rather than all the violence and injustice that I DON'T want. 

But I DON'T want to be the person preaching LOVE AND LIGHT, while Hitler hauls off my Jewish neighbors. 

We have all been conditioned to believe that black people are less valuable. Even if, like me, intellectually, you reject that belief, here's why it's not that simple. 

For those in the US, we've been born into a country that is founded on the right of white people (mostly men) to steal, enslave and kill to get what they want.

It began with taking the land, and all within it, of the beautiful indigenous people that were here before our European forefathers. Our forefathers created their "new world" at the expense of others. Because they believed their right to create that new world was superior to the rights of those who already lived and raised families in this world.

What's happening today is uncomfortable and destructive, that's a shame. But it's more of a shame to harass, judge, incarcerate and kill people because of their skin color. 

I believe in the Possibility of equality.

Equality is practiced by individuals. We practice it - or don't - daily. 

I'm living in the Possibility that one-by-one we'll stop the subtle and not-so-subtle forms of racism that strip equality away. That we'll use our inner power to correct our own biases and spread our LOVE AND LIGHT EQUALLY. I'm committed to it. I'm not doing it perfectly. But I can't be silent. So I'm risking saying something "wrong." Inadvertently waving my white privilege flag when I didn't even mean to.

Because the unraveling of centuries of racism doesn't happen overnight. But it can happen. And I have to be part of the unraveling. There's no "Opt-out button for this one. That's the possibility I believe in. If you're with me, tell me. ✊💜

If you want an amazing book, that's even an easy read, get Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America.

If you're not with me, I won't engage in "converting you" or arguing with you. That's not my mission in the world.

But being silent so I don't "upset anyone" doesn't feel like an option either.

My mission is empowering people, from the inside out. Because it is the loving inner-authority we each have that is pure, powerful and loving. To be free we must learn how to unravel the distortions and conditioning of our culture, upbringing and life circumstances. When we do, we experience the unstoppable power of our truth, we are free. Free to take risks (like writing this email) and empowered to create the lives we dream of. We choose Love and Possibility over Fear. 

In love and possibility, 

Brenda