Has this ever happened to you?

You’re moving through your day, everything is going smoothly and then…. You’re hit with a feeling that you didn’t see coming. 

Maybe you find out an ex has passed away, or a friend got promoted including a big fat raise, or a neighbor is moving out of the area; and grief, jealousy or abandonment bubble up like foam on an ice cold beer! 

You’re thinking, WTF? 

You’ve not been close to your ex for years and resolved all your feelings around the breakup years ago. 

You’re happy for your friend and their success. 

You know you’ll stay in touch with the neighbor after they move, you have a great connection. 

So where do all these “negative” feelings come from? 

The truth is, it may not have anything to do with the actual situation. But it does have to do with that feeling and other times in your life it’s been buried or suppressed. 

When we don’t allow ourselves to feel what we feel and to validate the feelings, they go underground. Like these 17-year Cicadas I’ve experienced this summer visiting my daughter and her family in Baltimore, MD. 

This particular species of Cicadas are dormant for 17 years then for six-weeks they fly around, make tons of noise, lay eggs and die. The noise they make, collectively when thousands of them are in one backyard, is creepy and astonishing! 

But back to our feelings! They can be like those Cicadas. Laying dormant for years, then something happens that “wakes them up!” And there they are, making all sorts of astonishing “noise” in your life! 

What do we do? The preventative action is to allow ourselves the time and space to feel our feelings no matter what they are and how inconvenient it is. That’s part of why coaching provides so much value to my clients, they get the space they need to feel all their feelings, and they get them validated. When that happens, they subside pretty quickly. Even the big ones. 

If it’s too late for that and you realize a feeling has “awakened” that’s OK. Now you know, it’s something that you didn’t give yourself the time and space for before. When have you felt that way in the past? What might still be unresolved from that experience? Journal about it, get it out. Call a friend, book a session with me. Whatever you need to give yourself and the feeling the time and attention you need and deserve so the feeling can subside in a loving, natural way. 

I’d love to hear what feelings you have that “awaken” like a Cicada! Comment down below and tell me about it. 

Do you want this as bad as I do?

I’m really excited about what I’m going to share with you today! It’s part of a 5 Episode series that will give you my #1 solution for every problem. I use it all the time in my own life and with clients.

Today I am unpacking the first piece of The Solve It Method™.

<<“Desire”>> The power of desire, your relationship to desire. Do you know what your desires are? Are they really your desires, or what you think you’re supposed to desire? Do you lean into them? Do you trust them? How would your life be different if you did?

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer a very important question which is actually the topic of the 1st Episode of our 5 Episode Series:

What Do You Truly Desire?

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

Listen to the previous episode where I start with the problem, HERE.

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

What if procrastination wasn’t a thing?

So many of us criticize ourselves for procrastinating. 

Think of that last thing you procrastinated on. OK, now…

Think about the last thing you did where there was no procrastination at all. You dove in. 

You got it done. You felt energized. You might have even lost track of time. 

Why is that? 

Desire. 

Turns out, desire is more complicated than it sounds. 

That thing you did where you felt energized and got it done without hesitancy or procrastination… Whether it was baking a cake or starting a business, had the quality of ease (different from easy. You probably worked hard to get it done, but it had the energy of flow and ease.) That was a thing that you were in alignment with. 

When we are in alignment our desires, thoughts, feelings and actions are all in-sync. Boom. It’s done. 

When we have “a thing” that doesn’t flow like that, you’re putting it off, or can’t seem to make yourself do the things you know need to be done, that’s when you know something is out of alignment. 

It’s one of two things:

1. You don’t really have the desire. You might think you should or a family member, friend or boss may thinks you should, but you don’t really want to. So… action falls apart. You can’t stay motivated, you procrastinate, “forget” about it, all sorts of things get in the way. 

2. You really do have the desire, but you’ve got thoughts and feelings that sabotage your action, like the old, “not good enough” though, or “I don’t have the time/money.” “It’s too late.” “Who do I think I am?”

What do you do about these two… I coach people on this all the time. These two dynamics around desire wreak lots of havoc in our lives. 

If you’re really ready to break the cycle, let’s explore coaching together. Book your Discovery Call HERE.

Reclaiming You!

It’s time. 

It feels like when a caterpillar comes out of its cocoon. 

As… a butterfly! 

A totally new being. 

That’s how this summer feels to me. 

Or… let me be more accurate, it feels like it has the POSSIBILITY of being something totally new.

It’s always a choice. 

Do we emerge from a year-and-a-half of uninvited, dramatic change that affected every aspect of our lives… the same as we were? 

Or do we accept the invitation to become something new? 

I’m choosing to become a new version of myself. 

I don’t want to “get back to normal.” 

I want to reclaim me. The newest version of myself that is more compassionate, trusting, abundant and tuned into my inner truth. The truth that transcends the outer world of phenomena and circumstance. 

I want to cultivate more inner trust. A deeper inner connection. Increased confidence to speak up for myself even when it’s hard. An increased ability to speak up for others even if it’s not popular. 

And my desires? My mission in life? Those dreams and visions just get bigger and bigger. I feel like I’m on the precipice of a huge expansion. And I’m ready! 

How about you? What do you want to claim for yourself? Do you feel a new desire or mission percolating? I’d love to hear about it! Please tell me. DM me if it feels private, or email me, Brenda@BrendaFlorida.com

And, if you’re reading this and thinking… WTF is she talking about?! I feel flat and depleted after the last year-and-a-half! Then tell me that too! 

You are in the right place, at the right time, being exactly who you are. Loving yourself into what’s next for you, is the only way. It’s what I help clients do every day. Allowing, love and growing out of self-compassion, not out of a forced need to “fix” something. 

I can’t wait to hear where you’re at and what’s up for you!

Is there a solution for every problem?

You may not believe it, but every problem can be solved !

But before you can solve a problem you need to understand what the true issue is. Too often it’s easy to jump to solutions before fully understanding what the problem is, so you end up solving the wrong problem and get mixed results. Once you fully understand the problem and you fully understand the outcome you desire, you should see the gap.You can now address the gap knowing you are addressing the real problem with the hope of finding the best answer. Of course you still need to make the right decisions at this point, and that’s not always easy or obvious, but you can do this with more confidence. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some very important questions regarding today’s subject.

Can every problem be solved?

How can you Identify the real problem?

And much more. Listen to today’s episode HERE.

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to give us a 5-Stars review if you’re Listening to our Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your Life, we are more than happy to see our Listeners Feedback because this is what really motivate us to go on and create more and more helpful content for you and for everybody else.

The Key to Transitions

Life is all about making transitions. 

We go to college, get married (maybe,) have kids (maybe,) move to our first home, move up to a bigger home, take a new job, leave a job, open a business, close a business, empty our nest (if we had one,) get divorced, meet someone new, and on and on. 

Transitions are full of turmoil, change, uncertainty and lots of moving parts, even when it’s a transition we want. Let alone the ones we don’t want. 

Right now, we’re all transitioning into a different lifestyle. 

After over a year of staying home, having our social lives restricted and our work lives changed… restrictions are loosening up almost everywhere and what’s interesting is how uncomfortable it is to “go back to the way it was.” 

We’ve wanted it for over a year. “I can’t wait until things get back to normal.” 

Here’s the key to transitions. Once you make them, they change you. Whether you know it or not. Whether you realize it along the way, or not. 

We can’t “go back to the way it was” because we are no longer who we were pre-pandemic. 

And that’s a good thing. 

Let the new version of who you are explore how to live in authentic self-expression and exploration. Approach it with “beginner’s mind.” The mind that has no preconceived ideas of how things “should” be. Explore and expand. 

Allow for the limitless Source to introduce you to new people, new experiences and a new way to do “old” things. 

The blessing of a transition is it allows us to let go of the old and usher in the new with open arms! Don’t fight it! Embrace it! 

Can we be happy all the time?

“You made me mad!” and, “You make me so happy!” 

Although these figures of speech are very colorful, they also imply that the responsibility for your happiness lies outside you. If someone makes you feel happy/sad/mad/whatever, then that person can also make you feel unhappy/less sad/not mad/whatever. If your mental state is controlled by what another person does, then you can never be truly happy. After all, you can’t control what anyone does, so how can you ever be truly happy for extended periods?

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some very important questions regarding today’s subject.

The relationship between a People pleaser and being truly happy.

Can you be happy without a relationship or friends?

Can you make other people happy even if you aren’t?

How can you ever be truly happy for extended periods?

I’m discussing all of these questions in this week’s Episode with my guest Dr. Marissa AKA "The Asian Oprah"

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

And let me finish off with this quote. ~” Don’t be someone else to make others Happy, just be yourself and the right person will Love you for who you are”.

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to give us a 5-Stars review if you’re Listening to our Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your Life, we are more than happy to see our Listeners Feedback because this is what really motivate us to go on and create more and more helpful content for you and for everybody else.

Do You Ever Think You're Not Enough?

One of the biggest things that I work on with clients is this: the fear that you’re not good enough.

The fear that you’re not good enough is a fear that affects everyone, though it shows up differently for each person (for some of you, “not good enough” expresses itself as going into workaholic overachiever mode; for others it shows up as comparisons; for others it shows up as procrastination and avoidance and not finishing what you start).

We all wonder at times if we are enough. This question, however, can turn into a painful filter through which we see the world and result in significant shame and sadness if left unexamined. While it is normal to have some self doubt, notably during the teenage and young adult years, it can become a painful consistent part of our life. Shame is a painful emotion, it whispers to us that “we’re not good enough” and worse yet, tells us we shouldn’t tell anyone about these parts of ourselves.

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some very important questions regarding today’s subject.

Why do we feel/ think like we are not enough?

How do we overcome this feeling or mindset that we are not Enough?

How to actually improve your self-esteem and stop dragging yourself down?

All of that am going to discuss in this week’s Episode with my guest Amy Smith

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to give us a 5-Stars review if you’re Listening to our Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your Life, we are more than happy to see our Listeners Feedback because this is what really motivate us to go on and create more and more helpful content for you and for everybody else.

What happens when men are people pleasers?

As we all know, a people pleaser is someone who tries hard and spends a lot of energy trying to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means depleting their own valuable time or resources. Being a people pleaser is not a bad thing, it’s more like a double-edged sword, it depends on how we actually use it.

But what if the People Pleaser we are talking about is your man/husband?

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some very important questions regarding today’s subject.

How to live with a man who is a People-Pleaser?

And how it affects your relationship.

You’ll want to hear all about it in this week’s Episode with my guest Kimberly Brenner.

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to give us a 5-Stars review if you’re Listening to our Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your Life, we are more than happy to see our Listeners Feedback because this is what really motivate us to go on and create more and more helpful content for you and for everybody else.

I’d like to make it easier for you…

You know how it is so freakin hard to get from “knowing better” and what I mean by that is, you have an insight or new awareness, to…  “doing better?”

I love to have a great insight, the “Aha!” moment that feels like it changes everything… but does it? 

It can be sooooo hard to actually change! 

Here are some things most of us are challenged by when it comes to knowing better vs doing better:

• Actually NOT getting triggered when our Mom says that thing she says that makes us crazy. 

• Setting a boundary we know is needed but we’re afraid it will piss someone off

• Prioritizing our own self-care over career/business demands

You get my point.  

We know we should do the-thing. But we don’t. 

Here’s the solution, in a way, it’s not even your fault. But you're the only hero for this journey….

You’ve got to retrain your subconscious mind. 

How do we do that? 

By using our conscious minds differently. 

That’s why meditation can work. That’s why coaching can work. That’s why digital programs can work. 

We focus our attention, thoughts, feelings and actions on a particular issue and start the change process. 

But it is a process. 

That’s why mediation, coaching, digital programs, etc. don’t always work. 

It’s up to us to put in the effort, and trust me, it’s effort to think differently. Feel differently, respond differently. 

That’s why I love my clients. They are committed to closing that “knowing/doing gap” and actually transform into a new being. It’s as beautiful as a caterpillar becoming a butterfly! 

If you want some help closing your “knowing/doing gap,” I’ve got a couple spots opening soon in my calendar. One of them could be yours. Book a 15-minute call and we’ll decide together if now is the right time and if I am the right coach. Book your call HERE. 

What is the antidote to oppression?

Those of us who are people pleasers became one as a coping mechanism against oppression. 

That may sound dramatic, but it’s true. 

You experienced oppression at some point in your life. So did I. 

What’s behind all oppression is a denial of the truth for the person being oppressed. Their right to express their truth. When we are oppressed it is a denial of our value as unique human beings. 

Oppression can occur in overt ways and very subtle ways. 

It may be the open manipulation, control, racism, sexism and/or condemnation by a person who believes they are superior.

It might be overt shaming for who you are or what you believe. 

It might be a subtle glance from a parent when you tell them you’re gay/trans/non-binary or some other thing that freaks them out like hearing you don’t want to become the Dr. they always wanted you to be.  

When we experience oppression it’s a common reaction to please our oppressors. To conform, even if not entirely, into something the oppressor will “like.”

What’s the antidote to oppression? 

Authentic Power. 

Authentic Power always begins internally. 

Then, it changes externally in how we show up in the world. 

Authentic power is what every oppressor hates. Which is why there are so my examples of oppressors unjustly punishing, incarcerating and “casting out” when those they wish to oppress won’t be oppressed. Think Rosa Parks, Lillian Lennon (@mslillianlennon,) Nelson Mandela, etc.

That’s why I’m on a mission to liberate people pleasers. Because being liberated means we are standing in our authentic power. 

It means we speak up.

It means we don’t diminish or silence our truth because it’s not convenient or easy. 

It means we prioritize our wants and needs so that we are not easily fooled by a charismatic oppressor. 

That’s what the world needs. The world needs all of us to own our authentic power. It is our birthright. 

Sure, it will piss off the oppressors, but I think it’s time! Are you with me?

How do you feel?

I had so much fun interviewing Debbie Emick for this week’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleasers. 

We talked a lot about how perfectionism gets us off course and how we can choose to cultivate the feelings we want to feel instead of letting our circumstances determine what we’re feeling. 

There’s so much power in shifting our feeling-state. 

Debbie has a powerful story that you’re going to love, soooo…. 

Let’s dive in! 

Listen to today’s episode HERE.

Let me and Debbie know what your take-away was from the episode in your comments.

I’ve got some resistance! Do you?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed some things I’m having some resistance to. 

Who cares, you might ask?

I’ve learned that resistance is a fantastic indicator of where I am out of alignment with what’s best for me. 

Here’s some popular items of resistance, see if you can relate to at least one of them: 

• Having a conversation with a family member, your lover or someone at work. You know you should, but then you rationalize all the reasons “it won’t do any good anyway.” And, you keep resisting the conversation.

• Pleasure. Whether it’s because you’re busy and like me, you move pretty fast, so slowing down for pleasure isn’t easy for you, or you’re not used to even considering what taking time for pleasure would look like for you, you’re waiting for a  more convenient time… you keep resisting pleasure.

• A project that tugs at you. It could be clearing out a closet, starting a garden or leaving your soul-sucking job and starting a business you’re passionate about. Every time this project tugs at you, you push it away, put it on the back burner, in short… you resist it. 

• Looking at your credit card balances or finances. It feels overwhelming. It stresses you out. You tell yourself you aren’t good with money and you resist your money situation. 

There are many things in life we can be in resistance to. 

Here’s the silver lining. 

Resistance is a gift. 

Resistance shows us what we need to move towards or move away from. 

That’s right. Resistance doesn’t always mean we’re avoiding something we NEED to do, like pleasure. That’s how we usually think of resistance. It’s keeping us from something good for us. 

Pleasure is good for you. It’s good for your mental and physical health. In the case of pleasure, resistance is likely an unconscious punishment or a way you are withholding from yourself. 

When is resistance telling us to move away from something? Let’s take the project. Maybe it’s a project of obligation (throwing your parents a 50th anniversary party.) The truth is, you don’t want to do it. Bam! Resistance shows up in an attempt to get you to align with your truth. You don’t want to throw a party. 

Even resistance to something like finances could be a sign that you need to engage someone to help you with your finances. This can be a tricky one because there’s so much money shame in our culture!! Whether you have too much, not enough, spend too much or are miserly, judgement is flying every which way around money. You could be resisting out of a shamed view of your skills with money or resisting because it’s just not your thing and you need your spouse to handle the finances or hire someone to help you with it. 

The moral of the story… your resistance is your friend. 

Get him/her/they a cup of coffee/tea/Kombucha and find out what the gift is that resistance has for you. 

If you need a little help, I’m here! It can be hard to figure out if resistance is taking towards or away from something. A couple of sessions will give you the clarity you need to drop the resistance and move toward or away from something with confidence! 

Book a call and let’s see if now is the time for you to get the clarity and confidence you crave!

Did you see that?

Have you experienced times in your life when you were working really hard for something and nothing was happening? 

Maybe it was something you wanted to manifest and no matter how many manifestation books you read or how many Abraham Hicks recordings you listened to, nothing was working. 

There was NO EVIDENCE that anything you were doing was working! 

I have been there! 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going deep and getting personal with some stories from my life when I had no evidence that anything I was doing was working…. But I still felt compelled, actually driven, to stay the course. 

Listen to this special episode HERE. 

Please, Please! Comment down below and tell me if you relate? Especially if you’re in one of the times right now. My heart is reaching out to you through the airways. I am here to stand with you and beside you! 

What we do matters. 

What’s the toughest boundary that you need to set?

Boundaries can be a hot topic no matter what the relationship. 

But let’s talk about the really hard ones. 

• Your spouse

• Your Mother

• Your Mother-in-law

• Your Father

• Your Father-in-law

• Your Boss

Those tend to be the scariest because they feel like there is a lot of risk. 

What if you set the boundary and you get fired? Divorced? You offend your parents or in-laws? 

What if you offend your mother with your boundary and she is your primary babysitter for your kids? 

The cost seems too high to risk setting the boundary. 

It seems easy to tolerate their behavior. 

Easier to disregard your own needs, than risk the repercussions of asking for what you need. 

The problem is, there is a personal price for all that accommodating, keeping our mouths shut, or tolerating having a boundary ignored. 

What’s the answer? 

It’s different for everyone, and frankly, this is where one-on-one coaching pays for itself pretty instantly! The way a professional athlete needs a coach to create a strategy to improve, you need a coach who can help you create a strategy for the boundary setting conversation and potential repercussions. 

It’s the power of a third party that isn’t involved in the situation and only wants what’s best for you. It’s like an advocate - on steroids! 

I’m going to give you my top two tricks for this, but I’m also warning you! Your life and your situation is unique. You're unique. The person you want to set this boundary with is unique. There’s no “formula” to follow. That’s why working with a coach is so valuable, so hit reply and ask for my help! That’s what I do. That’s what I live for! 

My two most powerful steps to take before you say anything to the person are: 

1. Start with yourself. Write down the answer to these questions. Dive deep and unpack the answers because they are important. Why is setting this boundary so intimidating? What are you afraid is going to happen? When have you felt this way before? How old were you the first time you felt this way? How does it benefit you NOT to set the boundary? (That’s not a typo. We don’t set boundaries because there’s a benefit. We keep the peace, Mom will keep babysitting, we don’t want to make someone mad, etc.)

1. If everything in step one was cleared up and taken care of and you had no concerns about setting the boundary, what exactly would you ask for. Before you start writing, I want you to make it super simple. No rationalizations or justifications. I want you to be able to say it to a five year old, and they would understand. For example: “I need more time to myself. I’m going to start taking half the day on Saturday to myself.” 

Were you surprised by anything that came up for you when you journaled the answers to those questions? And for those wondering, yes, you need to write them out. Not answer the question in your head. There is magic to writing/typing out the actual answer to these questions. 

Comment down below and tell me about it! You’ll make my day!

What if There Was a Solution for Everything?

Thankfully, there is. Even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. 

Join me in today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser for a power process to take you from feeling like there’s no solution (victim mode) to finding a solution (possibility and power mode.) 

Today I’m interviewing Lori Baker-Schena who is a coach, motivational speaker and leadership trainer. Lori and I had a dynamic conversation about finding solutions and the gap between and awareness of something that needs to change, and the ability to actually change it. 

You won’t want to miss this episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser. 

Listen to it HERE.