Saying No To Your Boundaries

Boundaries help us take care of ourselves by giving us permission to say NO to things. Without boundaries, we feel depleted, taken advantage of, taken for granted, or intruded upon. But what happens when we say no to our own boundaries?

Today am sharing some examples and real life experiences in context to our today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser, and I’m gonna also dig deeper and answer some very important questions:

- What happens when we say “NO” to our boundaries?

- Why You Shouldn't Always Put Others First ?

And much more.. Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

The End of Confusion and Frustration

If you’re sitting in your car dreading going into work, or feeling lost about how to get your spouse to really listen to you then today’s episode is for you! 

I’m really excited about what I’m going to share with you in this episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser! It’s my unique Coaching process, I call it The Solve It Method™. 

It’s the one and only method that will give you my #1 solution for every frustration, every place you feel lost or stuck and any other problem that surphases. I use it all the time in my own life and with clients.

I want to break it down for you so you understand how it works so you can use it yourself. Not only that but I am going to share some different examples with you that will demonstrate how this method of working on an issue really works.

Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Does this happen to you?

Do the darker, colder days of winter seem to zap your energy? 

Is it harder to stay motivated? 

Is it harder to keep yourself from drifting into cold and dark places in your mind? 

When you’re sitting in the dark do you find yourself asking, what did I do wrong? Why are these difficult things happening to me? When will things get easier? 

Whatever the challenge, or even despair is, I promise you, asking questions that  start with “Why?” and “When?” rarely help. 

In fact, they will lead you into a long tunnel of self-judgment and blame. They are dis-empowering questions. 

Try this instead, first, turn the lights on! Literally and figuratively. Anything that will add more literal light and will lighten your mood. Grab your cat or put on uplifting music. Whatever it  takes. 

Then, start by making a list of 10 things you are grateful for, including things about yourself. Things you’ve done, awesome decisions you’ve made, lovely relationships you have, the things in your life you love and appreciate. Make a list of 20 or 30 if you want. Once you get started on your list, your “Why” and “When” questions may disappear into the ethers by themselves. If they do, don’t call them back! Let them go! 

Once your surroundings and mood are lighter and your gratitude list long, ask yourself, “How could this be for my ultimate benefit?” or my favorite, “What is seeking to emerge?” Those are empowering questions. 

We can look back on the most horrific things and see how they benefited us, how they shaped the spectacular people we are today. No need to wait for hindsight. Brainstorm. How can you benefit from what’s going on? Or, who is it helping you become? I can tell you, it’s helping you become the next highest expression of yourself! 

You are brilliant and glorious. There’s no one like you! Nothing is wrong with you. Everyone has shit happen. Everyone makes shit decisions from time to time. 

The universe has a beautiful way of turning all into gold for our future self. 

What do you want to be when you grow up?

It’s a question we ask kids all the time. 

I wonder, when was the last time you asked yourself that question? 

I ask it myself frequently. Who do I want to be? Because “growing up” is a continual process. And who I used to be is nothing like who I am now. 

Who we have been does not determine who we CAN be. 

I used to be a rigid, and while I hate to admit it, a judgmental evangelical Christian. Of course not all Christians are like I was but I was the kind who told you that you were going to hell unless you “asked Jesus into your heart.” I believed, without question, that everyone who believed differently than what my church preached as “the Truth” was going to hell. 

I used to believe all sex outside of marriage was a sin. 

I used to believe as a woman, I had less value than a man. 

I used to believe it was my job to support, serve and care for everyone around me, without complaint and without even thinking about my own needs, because, after all, they were second, third or even farther down the list of priorities. Smile and serve. 

I used to believe that if I happened to think I was good at something, that was arrogant and being arrogant was shameful. So, if I did manage to feel good about something I did or a talent I had, I would immediately feel bad because I had felt good. 

I am happy to say, I do not believe ANY of those things anymore. 

It was a long hard road for me. Almost everything I have become was counter to what I was raised with. But somewhere along the way I understood, if I didn’t start prioritizing myself and choosing situations, work and relationships that valued me and honored me, I would die. 

That may sound dramatic but if you’ve given yourself to others, on an ongoing basis at your own expense, you know what I mean. It’s exhausting and you begin to lose yourself to the extent that you feel invisible - which is very much a death. A death of your inner being. 

Today I turn 61 years old and I’m still asking, who do I want to be when I grow up? Because for me, the trajectory of growth is never ending. Not in an exhausting way, in an exhilarating way! 

And I know the secret to me becoming an even higher expression in myself is about being willing to let go of old beliefs and thoughts that limit me.  That’s why I love coaching. With every client, in a way that is unique for them, I coach them into releasing their old beliefs and thoughts that limit and diminish them and claim the magnificent being that they truly are! 

I’d love to chat with you about working with me. Use this link: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11249251&appointmentType=8395116 to book a call and we'll talk.

Have You Had It?

Sometimes you just have to stop. 

Stop so that you can take care of yourself. So you can remember who you truly are. 

I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster the last few days! How about you?

We all get on the rollercoaster for different reasons. We’re triggered at different times by different things. 

The question is, can we get off the rollercoaster and get back to a feeling of being grounded and calm? 

I had to “phone a friend.” She talked me off the ledge and helped me remember who I really am. 

Because the truth is, we are soooo powerful!

We have so many resources at our disposal. Inside resources. I’m not asking you to get more resourceful so you can get more done! No! 

Your inner-resources are unlimited. You may not think so. You may not feel like it. But, trust me, they are there. 

My BFF helped me remember what mine were. 

I help clients find and remember theirs. 

More than ever, at this time of year, we must remember the infinite possibilities within us and the power we have inside of us. 

I hope this message reminded you of yours. And if you need help, I’m here. DM me and let me know you need a little help remembering how powerful and awesome you are! 

Why Wanting More Is An Inner Journey

It’s natural to desire to have more. Sometimes we feel guilty about it, as if wanting more is somehow a criticism of what we have now. And we know that “chasing more” doesn’t satisfy us, so what is it with wanting more? 

It is what leads us ever onward. Wanting more can give us the motivation to keep on going, to grow to our full potential - to more happiness, more well-being, more fulfillment, and attain self-realization . Wanting more is an Inner journey that gives us the feeling of deep satisfaction, fulfillment and purpose. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep into this Topic and answer the most important question and the name of our today’s episode Why wanting more is an Inner Journey?

Listen to today’s episode HERE

Plus! In today’s episode I have a special offer that’s only good for 2 more days! To support you in your inner-journey to getting more passion, purpose and fulfillment out of life, I’m offering The Solve It Method™ Digital Program at a special price and adding a FREE COACHING SESSION with it! Get all the deets and sign up before the special ends at midnight Nov. 30th! It’s all right HERE!

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

In love and liberation,

Brenda

Where are you flying high?

It was a weekend of highs and lows… in several ways. 

Huntington Beach hosted the Pacific Airshow this last weekend. It was exciting to have the Blue Angels and other masterful pilots doing stunts and various acrobatics right over my apartment. Literally!  

But there was also a big oil spill right off the coast of Huntington Beach overnight Saturday night, canceling the final day of the airshow and closing the beach indefinitely. 

It made me think about where I am “flying high” in my life and where I feel like those acrobatic pilots, stalling out and spiraling down to crash!

The oil slick is an unfortunate metaphor for how we can have a crack or weak spot in our system and just like that, there’s a leak! Black thick yuk is spreading and we’re not sure how to stop it. 

I have felt all three of these in various areas of my life. I’m flying high in my business right now! Nothing thrills me more than to have my calendar booked up with client appointments. YES! THERE’S STILL ROOM FOR YOU! I’m not completely full so if you’ve been wondering if coaching would benefit you, let’s  get on a call and find out. It’s easy, just use this link: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11249251&appointmentType=8395116 

I feel like I’m stalled out and maybe crashing in the dating arena. I was having fun on the dating app I’m on for a while, but I’ve lost interest. Stalling out can be interesting because it could be that you’ve stalled for a reason. To make room for something else on the way or to “rest” from something for a while. That’s how I feel about dating. 

But stalling can also be a sign that something is already unraveling and you need to pay attention to it. I help clients with this sort of thing a lot. Is it time to open up, or time to attend to something or let things play out for a bit? One of my favorite questions in a time like this is, “if nothing changed, what could be seeking to emerge?”

As for that oil spill, I’ve been there plenty of times. Leaving relationships, careers, financial set-backs, heartbreak with adult children, any number of things can feel like that big black oil spill creating havoc and destruction as it spreads. 

Whatever it is for you, I want you to know, you are not alone! 

I have been there in one way or the other. Our stories may be different but the feelings and stressful thoughts are the same. 

I invite you to get support where you need support and to celebrate where you need to celebrate!

I’m here, ready, willing and able to be the “clean up crew” to your oil spill or the co-pilot to help you pull out of that downward spiral. 

No matter what, you have within you everything you need to fly high! Let me know how I can help! 

What Do You Want to Slay?

I’m Sick and tired of being sick and tired”

A sentence that almost all of us say to ourselves at some point.

When you’re truly sick and tired, you want a solution and want it now! It may be something that you’ve been struggling with your whole life or it could be something that came up yesterday. What you feel is that sense of urgency to solve the problem NOW! It’s time to slay that thing!

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to dig deep and answer some  very important question which is the main theme of our today’ topic:

What Do You Want to Slay?

And much more.. Also I’m more than happy to announce my new SLAY DAY offer: It’s time to clear the deck! You’re going to spend 6 hours of uninterrupted time with me! We’ll laugh, (we might even cry,) we’ll unpack The Solve It Method™ and apply the four elements: Desire, Action, Thoughts and Feelings to the issue you need a solution to. 

Find out more about The Solve It Method™ Slay day HERE. 

Listen to today’s episode HERE

If you like Today’s Episode, please don’t hesitate to post a 5-Stars review if you’re listening to the Podcast on Apple iTunes or Spotify and leave us a review telling us how our podcast helped you in a specific aspect of your life. It makes me so happy to see listeners' feedback because it motivates me to create content that is impactful for you and other listeners.

Do you want an upgrade?!

I woke up yesterday morning and thought, “I need to upgrade my office!” 

There wasn’t anything “wrong” with it. 

I live in a small studio apartment so there’s not a lot of space. When I moved in I carved out a small area by the front door and put my desk, printer, office supplies and notebooks there. Much of it was in a neat pile on the floor. Not bad. It certainly met my needs. 

But yesterday I knew… it was time for an upgrade. I decided I needed a bookshelf to put supplies, notebooks, markers, etc. on. I made a run to Target, spent $25 on a bookshelf and Voila! An hour later, even with building the bookshelf, I had an upgraded office! 

I felt like a million bucks. It was a huge improvement for such a small change. 

Life is like that. We can often make a small change that end up having a big impact. 

Where do you need an upgrade in your life? It might be in your physical space, like mine was. Or it might be emotionally, spiritually or in your body. 

We often tell ourselves until we have the time, money or motivation for a big upgrade there’s no point. 

But that’s a lie. 

You can reap huge benefits from a small change. I don’t always say this, but in this case… think small. 

You could: 

• Take 10 minutes looking at a gorgeous flower or something else in nature to rest your mind and feed your soul.

• Clean out that one drawer that makes you crazy. Not an entire closet, just one drawer. 

• Read, listen or watch something inspiring for 5 minutes, three times a day. That’s only 15 minutes, but spread through the day, it will change your day. 

• Change your dish soap to a scent that gives you joy! I love lavender all year, this time of year I like something that smells like fall. I might as well enjoy the smell of the bubbles while I wash the pans! 

There are so many things you can do. Start today. What needs an upgrade in your life and what can you do today to take a small upgraded step? 

This is What’s Possible

What if in one day you could:

• “Uncover the rocky places you are wrestling with.”

• Be.. “seen, heard and acknowledged while being recognized and respected. On top of that, finding a way to take the steps that YOU want to take with compassion, ease  and brilliance.”

• “Root out the lies you’re telling yourself that are keeping you stuck.”

• Live from this mantra: “I’m choosing not to let my mind go to those fears and doubts.”

• “ Instantly move toward your professional and personal goals.”

• Get “inspired to bring out your fun side.”

What if you spent the entire day with someone “completely focused on you and your goals.”

What would be possible? 

What would you do with that day? 

I am creating that day for you. Everything in the list above is something a client said after working with me. 

Let’s create those things for you. 

I’m offering a Solve It Method™Slay Day! This is a day devoted to diving into whatever it is personally or professionally that has you overwhelmed and frustrated. 

It might be a relationship, a situation, a “problem” that has been bothering you for a while and you’re ready to be done with it. 

Interested? Curious? Tell me about it. DM me and tell me what it is that you want to liberate yourself from. I bet we could slay it with a Solve It Method™ Slay Day! 

Are You Empowered or Exhausted?

It’s “Back to School” time and in many US states and places around the world, kids are going back to school the old fashioned way… face-to-face. 

Whew! Moms out there everywhere (and Dads)… you made it! (Assuming everyone stays healthy and restrictions don’t tighten sending the kiddos back home!)

Whether you have any kids in school or not, let’s face it, the last year or so has been a dooooooosy! 

I wonder, are you feeling exhausted by it all or empowered? Just because we’re empowered doesn’t mean we don’t get tired, so when I say “exhausted” I mean it in that, totally spent, hanging-on-by-a thread way. 

I know a lot of folks that feel that way. I feel it at times. It’s like I hit a wall and I can’t do any more. Or I have the thought, “I just can’t take one more thing!” 

A client said that to me this week, “I just can’t take another disappointment!” 

If you can relate, I’m here for you in this. 

Here’s the deal. You can take one more thing. One more disappointment. One more set-back. I hope you don’t have one, but I promise, there’s an empowered you that can take it and take it all. 

When we feel like that empowered version of ourself has vacated the premises, what do we do? 

1. You respond to yourself in love, not self-criticism or blaming others. There’s NO power in blame, so while it is empowering to hold someone accountable - I’m a big fan of that! - blame is an entirely different dynamic. It feels good for a minute, because we can tell ourselves it’s not our fault. But because we have no power over anyone but ourselves, it leaves us feeling like a victim. 

2. You get the support you need. You might need to explore hiring me as your coach. This is what I do with clients. I get them out of being exhausted and into being empowered. My client who felt she couldn’t handle one more disappointment - by the end of the session she had her plan and was ready to work the plan. What was the plan? It was her personalized solution to replacing her fear with her empowered thoughts and feelings that KNOW she can handle whatever comes at her. That’s a victory! Or, you may need a housekeeper to take some of the load off you, a personal assistant to run errands, etc.

3. You double-down on self-care. The worse things are, the more you need to allow yourself to rest, eat foods that nourish you (instead of numb you,) move your body in ways that feel good, fill your mind with inspiring podcasts (Liberate Your People Pleaser is a good one! 😉) Youtube videos, books, whatever it takes so that your possibilities feel bigger than your problems. 

It will feel counterintuitive to dive into self-care when you feel exhausted, you think you need to do more, catch up, you rationalize, you’ll rest later. You will tell yourself you don’t possibly have time to start coaching with me, even if you know it’s a good idea. You think, now’s not the right time. But here’s the deal….

After spending 2.5 years of everything I wanted going down the drain, losing everything, unbelievable amounts of stress with no relief in sight, I PROMISE you, I know what I’m talking about. I learned the hard way how to do numbers 1, 2, and 3 above. 

I’d love to know where you’re at in the exhaustion to empowered equation and I’m curious, which of the three strategies above is the most difficult for you?

It’s your birthright

It is your birthright to live in authentic power and self-expression. 

All the habits of people pleasing take us away from that birthright. 

People pleasing keeps us overly focused on others and what they want and need, at our own expense. There’s nothing authentic about that. 

There was a time when I had no idea how to live any differently. 

Even when I began to see how pleasing others at my own expense was hurting me, I didn’t know how to stop. It was the only way I knew how to live. 

It felt selfish to even think of prioritizing my own wants and needs. That’s not what “good” wives, mothers or friends did. 

Over time, I learned what I coach others to do. 

I learned how to put myself first and in doing so, I became more generous. Less selfish. More clear on who I was and what I wanted. More of who I was meant to be. More. More. 

You can have more too. It’s your birthright. 

I am opening my calendar right now to a handful of people who are ready to invest in themselves and say “yes” to their birthright of authenticity and freedom! 

Are you one of them? 

In my “It’s Your Turn” Package you get 9 private sessions over 90-days, plus Voxer (a voice messaging service) support, so anytime you need a pep-talk or get stuck, I’ll be there to coach you forward. The investment is only $1,497 for the single payment discount. A fraction of what a life lived in authentic expression and power is worth. There are payment plans if that works better for you, because, “It’s Your Turn.” It’s time to say HELL YES! to yourself! 

Just complete this simple form:  then I’ll reach out to you and we’ll decide if I’m the right coach and if now is the right time. 

Claim your birthright. 

Empowerment and Freedom in 90 Days?

Do you ever think about what your life could be like in 90 days? 

Most of us don’t. We keep going, day after day. Months go by. Years go by. 

One day, we’re struck by the thought, “how did I get here?” Or, “how did so much time pass?”

I am going to invite you to be intentional about the next 90 days.  In 90 days we’ll be entering the holiday season with Thanksgiving right around the corner. 

What would you like to do now so that when November rolls around you’re thinking, “Wow! I didn’t know I could feel this much freedom and empowerment!” As one of my clients said to me recently, “I didn’t know how much every area of my life would improve once I started setting boundaries!” 

For her empowerment and freedom came through setting boundaries. For you, it might be something different… or you might also need the liberation setting boundaries provides. 

Whatever it is, we can begin the process now. That way in November you’ll be entering the holiday season as your “new self.” 

You deserve to experience the most liberated, empowered, confident, grounded, abundant and generous version of yourself. To see how much better everything in your life can be. 

This is my invitation to work with me over the next 90 days. I created a one-on-one coaching package called, It’s Your Turn. Because, damn it, it is!! 

All you need to do is complete this brief form, https://brendaflorida.typeform.com/to/jcuQt1LR 

I’ll reach out to you after that we’ll decide if I am the right coach for you and if now is the right time. 

Space is limited so choose to invest in yourself now. It’s Your Turn. 

Is Your Energy Being Depleted?

You’re probably very familiar with feeling so exhausted or overwhelmed that you decide to “do it yourself” instead of delegating a task or project at home or work. 

You’re upset about something and want to tell the person or set a boundary, but you’re just too tired and decide you’ll wait until it happens again. 

When our energy is depleted, it just doesn’t seem worth it. Or the timing doesn’t seem right. We tell ourselves it will be easier to just let it go. 

Of course, there’s never a “better time.” 

It isn’t actually easier to do everything ourselves.

It’s just what we’re used to. 

Why is that? 

I’ll tell you why. 

Energy leaks. 

What’s an energy leak? Picture a beach ball that holds the total amount of energy that you have on any given day. It’s nice and full and round. You’ve got all the energy you need for the day. 

Until… you start prioritizing someone else over what you need, or over-function for someone, or silence yourself to “keep the peace,” at home, work or with a friend. 

Any of our people pleasing habits that keep us focused on others at the expense of ourselves are putting little pin-holes in that beach ball. Little by little the air leaks out. 

We don’t always notice it. It’s a slow process… until there are enough holes that all the air leaks out and the ball is flat! Completely flat. 

I bet you’ve felt completely flat. 

When you feel completely flat or too much of the air has leaked out of your beach ball, you don’t have the energy to set a boundary, or let someone struggle figure something out on their own, or to ask for the help you need. When we’re deflated, it always seems easier to do it ourselves. Am I right? 

It’s time to put an end to that cycle. As a recent client told me, “I had no idea how much every area of my life would improve once I started setting boundaries!” 

Let’s get you started in my “It’s Your Turn” 90-Day Coaching Package.  In 90-days we can get, and keep, that beach ball full of air by closing up the specific leads that cause you to feel deflated and overwhelmed. 

All you need to do is fill out this quick form, it will take you about 5 minutes. You’ll tell me a little bit about what’s going on with you, then I’ll reach out and we’ll decide if now is the right time. The package has a single payment discount or payment plans. I’ll tell you all about that when we talk. 

Complete the form today, because once my calendar is full, I’ll stop offering the package. And really, you’ve earned it, “It’s Your Turn.” 💜💜💜

Here’s what she said…

I was working with a client and she said, “I have so much more confidence and feel so much so much more grounded then I did when we started working together!”

That’s what can happen when you invest in yourself and prioritize yourself.

It’s time for you to give yourself permission to focus on yourself.

It’s time to take yourself off the back-burner and prioritize your desires, wants and needs.

It’s time to stop feeling guilty when you do that. Wouldn’t that be nice! It’s possible, I promise.

It’s even time to end the cycle of overwhelm. You may not feel like you can. But trust me, you can. 

That client I told you about, she is ending the cycle of guilt and overwhelm because she is learning how to see the “trickster” that overwhelm is, let go of guilt and lean into the truth of what she wants. That’s when the confidence came.

You deserve to feel the same.

It’s time for the “It’s Your Turn” 90 Day Coaching Package!

You’ll work one-on-one with me for 9 sessions over 90 days, Plus, you’ll get support in between sessions. It will be like having me as your cheerleader when you hit a freak-out (we all do!) and you’re in between sessions. It’s amazingly helpful and effective.

Here’s all you need to do - complete this simple form so I know a little more about what you want to accomplish in coaching, then we’ll take it from there. Get the FORM HERE.

Say “yes” to yourself. If you don’t, who will? There is limited number of these packages available – so take 5 minutes and fill out your form. 

You'll be one step closer to liberation!

I’d like to make it easier for you…

You know how it is so freakin hard to get from “knowing better” and what I mean by that is, you have an insight or new awareness, to…  “doing better?”

I love to have a great insight, the “Aha!” moment that feels like it changes everything… but does it? 

It can be sooooo hard to actually change! 

Here are some things most of us are challenged by when it comes to knowing better vs doing better:

• Actually NOT getting triggered when our Mom says that thing she says that makes us crazy. 

• Setting a boundary we know is needed but we’re afraid it will piss someone off

• Prioritizing our own self-care over career/business demands

You get my point.  

We know we should do the-thing. But we don’t. 

Here’s the solution, in a way, it’s not even your fault. But you're the only hero for this journey….

You’ve got to retrain your subconscious mind. 

How do we do that? 

By using our conscious minds differently. 

That’s why meditation can work. That’s why coaching can work. That’s why digital programs can work. 

We focus our attention, thoughts, feelings and actions on a particular issue and start the change process. 

But it is a process. 

That’s why mediation, coaching, digital programs, etc. don’t always work. 

It’s up to us to put in the effort, and trust me, it’s effort to think differently. Feel differently, respond differently. 

That’s why I love my clients. They are committed to closing that “knowing/doing gap” and actually transform into a new being. It’s as beautiful as a caterpillar becoming a butterfly! 

If you want some help closing your “knowing/doing gap,” I’ve got a couple spots opening soon in my calendar. One of them could be yours. Book a 15-minute call and we’ll decide together if now is the right time and if I am the right coach. Book your call HERE.