The Blog
I’ve been on both sides of these two end of the Valentines experience...
No matter where you are, today’s podcast is for you!!
Let’s face it. Relationships can be a bit of a rollercoaster.
How can you stop feeling tossed around and whiplashed by the relationship rollercoaster?
I’ll share some personal stories of my relationships and how I learned to stop feeling whiplashed.
Listen to the episode and liberate yourself, HERE.
I’m sending you love on this Valentine’s Day.
I was in a Clubhouse room the other day participating in a discussion about success; how we define it and how it changes as we age and the world changes.
If you haven’t heard, Clubhouse is a new social media space, currently, for iPhone only users. It’s an interesting format that I’m enjoying. If you’re on Clubhouse, I’d love for you to follow me and invite me to any rooms you’re in. I plan to start hosting my own rooms soon.
Anyway, back to success, it was an intriguing discussion and made me realize how much people pleasing had influenced, or completely defined what I thought success was for much of my life.
It’s so easy to define success by our family standards, society's standards, or our spouse’s standards. Even our friends can influence it.
So my question to you is, if you were dropped in the middle of a new land, where no one knew you and no one had any preconceived ideas about what you’re good at, or what you like to do. And, you could be the version of yourself that feels the most authentic to you today. Not how you were 10 years ago, five or even one year ago. Clean slate. No expectations.
And, just for fun, lets add the juicy detail that the place you’ve landed in, is your absolute favorite! Everything you see, hear and smell is exactly the way you love it! All your favorite things to do, see and experience are available to you. It’s your personal Disneyland… or version of heaven on earth.
Now. What would you do to earn money? It’s a natural desire to want to contribute to the greater good. So, whether it seems like a “serious profession” or not, what would you like to do in exchange for money?
How would you define success? Not just in regard to what you do in exchange for money, but for your whole life? Because success is a much larger topic than our careers or businesses.
Tell me about it. Let go of all the ways you’ve prioritized your family’s needs or expectations, your cultural expectations, your company’s expectations, etc… and tell me what you would do and how you would define success.
I can’t wait to hear!
We’ve all experienced a situation or relationship that dims our light, or knocks the wind out of our sails.
That’s a clear sign, we’ve lost our power.
Today, I’ll unpack another lesson I learned during the difficult time of being incredibly broke and Googling homeless shelters a few years ago.
One of the most profound lessons I learned was that authentic power and possibility are intrinsically linked. When we can access our authentic power, even when our circumstances don’t change, we start finding possibilities.
I’ve included a really powerful story with one of my coaching clients. I don’t want to spoil the ending so….
Listen to the episode HERE.
In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m diving into Power.
What it is. What it’s not.
How do we “lose” it?
How do we get it back?
This is a topic I am an expert in! I’ve given away my power many times and I’ve learned how to get it back.
Today, I’ll tell you all about it!
Get ready for a powerful episode!
Listen here.
Are there times when you don’t have power? It’s just not available to you?
You may feel like there’s little or no power available to you
In your career
With your kids
In a relationship
In the pandemic
In your finances
In your health
The good news is, there is power that is available to you.
And you don’t need anyone else to give it to you!
Does that seem too good to be true?
I’ll show you how in 5 steps.
Five special days actually.
I’m gathering a group of like-minded people for a FREE, 5 day event I call, Power Week.
Before you have the thought that you don’t have time, it’s only a few minutes a day.
I’m creating a sacred space in a private FB Group, just for this event. We’ll be the only ones there.
I’ll be live in the FB Group every day.
You’ll get a daily email with a fun activity and the recording of the Live, in case you missed it.
You’ll get 5 tools for accessing your innate, authentic power.
You deserve power. In every situation.
Join me, next week, Feb. 1-5, 2021.
Register HERE.
In love, light and POWER,
Brenda
I love the word, sovereign.
What does it mean? “Supreme power and authority to rule.”
Be the sovereign in your own life.
There’s no one but you who should be the authority in your life. Only You.
You need to have supreme power in your life.
It doesn’t make you selfish or self-centered.
It doesn’t justify meanness or judgment towards others.
It’s a statement about who you are in relationship to yourself.
You’re a grown-ass adult.
Supreme power and authority over your life belongs to you and only you.
No one else has a “right” to it.
As people pleasers we were never taught that.
There was another person, or people, who wanted that level of power and authority in our lives. They conditioned us out of being the sovereign in our lives, so they could be the authority and have the power.
It’s time to take our power back.
You have an absolute right to be the supreme power and authority in your life.
I’m curious? How does that feel?
Don’t be surprised if you feel awkward about it, or it feels selfish, or arrogant. Remember, you’ve been conditioned to think that way. But, tell me, if not you, who? Who should have power over your life?
You are a unique human being. There’s no one like you. No one knows you as well as you do. You are the authority on you. You deserve the power of sovereignty in your own life.
If you seem to have a sixth sense for what others are feeling and needing, you’re probably an empath!
It’s one of the superpowers of people pleasers.
All superpowers have their kryptonite though, and that’s where the going gets tough.
You know how it feels. You get overy caught up in how a loved one or even coworker feels. You can’t seem to shake it.
Or, you spending too much time wondering how other people feel about you. Are they mad? Did you say or do something that upset them? Have you hurt their feelings?
And these are not fleeting thoughts. They run through your head over and over. It disrupts your day and maybe even your sleep.
I created a virtual workshop that will give you the tools and strategies you need to shake off those obsessions with what others are thinking and feeling about you.
Join me for Own Your Brilliance. You’ll get two 90-minute sessions with me and a group of fabulous people who also want to use their superpowers for their benefit, and the benefit of others. Not have those powers turned against them.
You’re going to love how this virtual workshop liberates you to fully express the superpowers you have and let go of the ways they can but turned into diminishing you causing self-criticism, doubt and a lack of confidence.
Get all the details HERE and register for it today. Everything will be recorded and emailed to you so even if you can’t make it live, you’ll get everything you need to keep those superpowers working FOR you!
It’s been a stormy 2020 in many ways.
Has it ignited a craving for freedom?
Whether it’s freedom from systematic racism or the freedom to move about publicly, and even travel, like we used to… I bet you’re like me and you’re craving freedom!
Next week I’m offering a special, two-evening, virtual event I call, Own Your Brilliance. While it’s a live event everything will be recorded so you won’t miss out even if you can’t be there.
I’m presenting my Freedom Unleashed Process for the first time!
It’s a quick and powerful four-step process that will liberate you to more freedom and less anxiety and you can use it on anything in your life! I mean anything!
It’s NOT too good to be true! Check it out in today’s podcast episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser.
Listen to the episode then register for Own Your Brilliance.
Have you ever thought of yourself as your own worst enemy?
I was having one of those weeks. Nothing was working. Nothing was going as planned. It seemed like the harder I tried to “course correct” the worse things got.
Unfortunately, my mean-girl also decided to show up. She was nasty!
“What are you doing? Nothing is working. How do you get yourself into these messes? How is this going to possibly be okay?”
You know the drill.
As soon as I noticed my mean-girl had gabbed her bull-horn to beat me up, I knew.
Was I going to stop my mean-girl and activate my Inner Loving Authority, or stay stuck in my mean-girl?
It is a choice point.
Knowing we’re there doesn’t always mean we know what to do to get out of it.
That’s why I created, Own Your Brilliance.
A powerful, two-evening, virtual workshop. When you leave Own Your Brilliance you’ll know exactly what to do when your mean-girl shows up and how to course-correct when you’re having “one of those days.”
Own Your Brilliance is powerful, practical, and of course, we’ll have fun! There’s no better way to learn! Get all the deets HERE and join me on September 2 and 9 for laughter and learning!
We’ve all had moments where we didn’t feel good enough.
It’s something that is almost universal in the human experience.
The question is, do you believe it? When the “not good enough” voices start rambling on in your head… do you believe them?
In today’s Liberate Your People Pleaser podcast, I am going to share with you the cure for your “not good enough” thoughts and beliefs.
It’s a powerful episode that will give you the key to unleashing the highest, most authentic expression of yourself. Watch it HERE.
Join me in knowing, You Are Good Enough! For anything you can imagine!
What if you could ditch self-discipline?
What if brow-beating yourself isn’t really working?
I know. It’s what we’ve been taught.
“Pull yourself up by your boot-straps.”
“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”
If we’ve learned anything in 2020, it’s that what used to work, doesn’t work anymore.
I’ve got the answer. It’s a question actually. A powerful one.
I ask my clients this question when they are exhausted.
I ask clients when they get stuck with:
· Ending the cycle of being a “People Pleaser”
· The business they want to start – or grow.
· The job they want to leave.
· The body they want to “improve.”
· Starting a new relationship that they want to be different than the last one.
It seems silly. Like it won’t work.
But let me ask you this? When you have a child or pet who you are teaching a new skill to, or wanting them to do something in a new way, how do you do it? (As the ideal parent or pet-owner that you are most of the time.) J
You lovingly lead them. You show them the way. You speak in a loving voice. You cheer them on for the tiniest accomplishment or improvement. You applaud! You give them treats. You brag about them to friends and family.
You don’t yell at them. Tell them losing three pounds is not nearly enough! That they aren’t trying hard enough. They need to put their head down and work harder! Stop complaining! Then throw in a bunch of punishments and penalties every time they fall after their first few steps or pick a cookie instead of broccoli. You would never do that to your child or pet, or anyone else you love.
But we do it to ourselves, all the time.
“What would love do?”
We have this idea that the answer will lead to over-indulging, staying on the couch instead of going to work, never getting any exercise, always choosing the cookie over broccoli.
But would it?
The question in NOT, “what would your inner-rebellious teenager do?”
Love wants the best for you. Love says, yes, to things that are loving. Love can say no.
Love wants you to leave the job or relationship that is not serving you anymore.
Choosing love isn’t always the easiest path.
It’s just the only path that is sustainable.
My calendar is opening for four one-on-one clients right now – one is for you. If you want to learn how to turn self-criticism and self-discipline into self-love, let’s work together. The first step is a free 15-Minute Discovery Call to be sure now is the right time. You’ve got nothing to lose and a lot of love to gain. Book your call here.
Can you relate to any of these scenarios?
You go to work every day and feel like you put on a good show. But, if anyone could see behind the mask, they’d see that you’re afraid of making a mistake or do something that will reveal your lack of expertise.
You landed a new job and feel terrified that someone is going to figure out you don’t know what you’re doing.
You’re volunteering for an organization or great cause and while you want to help, you feel like everyone but you, knows what they are doing. You just hope everyone else doesn’t see that you are in over your head!
You feel like a fake.
You think you were lucky to get where you are.
You think what you do is, “no big deal. Anyone could do it.”
You’ve had some success, praise even, yet you can’t shake the feeling that you just don’t have the confidence you imagine others having. The confidence you’d like to have.
If you can relate, you have Imposter Syndrome.
It’s incredibly common. Especially in women.
Here’s the truth. You’re a badass. You know how I know?
You wouldn’t be asking yourself these questions if you weren’t.
Only Badasses look inside to see what’s fucking with them.
As a fellow Badass, I feel your pain.
I’ve suffered with Imposter Syndrome myself.
1. Feelings aren’t facts. Think about a time you were sure someone was mad at you. You felt hurt, probably defensive, maybe guilty. Then, you found out the person wasn’t mad at you at all! None of those feelings you felt were “true.” The situation didn’t even exist. Yes, that’s how imposter syndrome works. You feel like a fake. You feel lucky. You feel scared someone’s going to figure it out. Here’s the thing; those feelings aren’t true. They are just feelings. Treat them like you would a wounded animal or small child. No yelling. No self-recrimination. Love. Gentle, sweet Love. She/he is scared. Love them into feeling safe.
2. Inventory your achievements and skills. It’s time to honestly assess where you’re at.Get a Badass friend to help if you need to. If you’ve worked at your job for a while, pull out a review from your supervisor and revisit how they describe your strengths and weaknesses. Here’s a super-important thing about Badasses, we know we aren’t perfect.
We can be trained and mentored into higher level skills and we’re excited about that. Improving is not a back-handed insult! Of course, you have weaknesses. Of course, there are things you could need training or mentoring with. That makes you human, not an Imposter. Notice all the compliments, praise and comments you get about your strengths. Write them down. Keep it close. That’s your ammunition the next time Imposter Syndrome shows up!
3. Practice makes perfect. This is different then, “fake it till you make it.” When we practice, we put ourselves into our future, confident self. We imagine who we would be and what we would do if we didn’t feel all those Imposter feelings. We see ourselves like our BFF does: as a fabulous Badass work in progress.
When we practice being our Badass future self, we can ask for help where we need it, because asking for help doesn’t indicate weakness or incompetence. We gladly accept compliments from supervisors and peers for our accomplishments, without minimizing or dismissing them. No more will the words, “anyone could have done it,” or “I was just lucky,” come out of our mouths.
4. Get a coach to help you. Seriously! These feelings and thoughts are woven deep into the core of who we are. Don’t expect yourself to read a blog or watch a few YouTube videos and boom! Imposter Syndrome is slayed! That’s the kind of thinking that keeps it going. You allow yourself a few “wins” but the pattern, buried deep inside, is still there, so it will rear its ugly head again.
We all have our unique triggers and patterns to the Imposter Syndrome. If it was easy to transform, everyone would do it. It takes Badassery. It takes getting the coach you need to navigate the process of transformation with you.
Because I’ve suffered with Imposter Syndrome and learned how to live from my own confident Badassery, and because I have mad coaching skills, I can help you. But, let’s get on the phone for a few minutes, just to be sure! In about 15 minutes, we’ll decide if I can help you transform from Imposter to Confident Queen! (Or King! Imposter Syndrome is NOT a gender issue! It can hit any of us!) Book your 15 Minute Discovery Call right here. I can’t wait to talk.
Gabrielle and I were models. Along with about a dozen other fabulous women. We instantly hit it off. She’s got a magnetic personality.
Having your picture taken together in your underwear creates a special bond!
That’s how I met this week’s Cocktails and Coaching co-host, Gabrielle Garofalo. We were in a photo shoot for a book, and a movement, frankly, called, BARE. BARE was conceived by Susan Hyatt and is disrupting the diet culture. BARE teaches women how to love the bodies exactly as they are, as a strategy get to their ideal weight.
I’ve been thinking a lot about self-love lately.
It’s so hard to do yet may be the single most powerful tool we have to improve our lives.
If only we really understood the power of loving ourselves.
When I’m loving myself, I make better choices, professionally, in the food I eat, the movement by body gets, my relationships are healthier, I choose better men to date and I feel infinitely more powerful in my life.
Gabrielle and I are excited to spend time with you Wednesday, at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern in my private FB Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation.
It’s going to be a powerful evening. In addition to modeling with me, Gabrielle is a multi-passionate entrepreneur. She doesn't like to define herself by one role or passion rather the complicated and wonderful sum of her parts. An entrepreneur, marketing consultant, food & drink blogger, coach and mom of three she often finds herself either traveling into NYC to consult with clients or hopping on her paddle board to commune in nature while working up a sweat. You can find her on IG as Gabrielle.Garofalo and on Facebook here.
Gabrielle also teaches women the BARE(TM) process and how to channel passion to purpose at home, in career and in the mirror. I’ll have her tell us more about that on Wednesday!
We love getting questions ahead of time from you! You can ask us any question on any subject here, and join the FB Group, here, if you aren’t a member.
Can’t wait to see you Wednesday at 5 Pacific/8 Eastern for another fabulous episode of Cocktails and Coaching!
Do you have anything in your life, right now, that is bugging the hell out of you?
I do.
It might be a job that drives you nuts or sucks you dry.
Or a relationship where you don’t feel seen or heard and you feel like you want to scream half the time!
It could be your finances, you hate where you live, your car broke down…again… or any number of other things you want to be different.
If I could wave a magic wand and those things would begin to transform into something new… would you like that?
You’ve come to the right place.
I was given the wand today by one of my teacher’s, Kai Shanti. Check out her YouTube Channel and you’ll get to know her magic.
We were talking about a few of the things in my life that are bugging the hell out of me. I am totally, 100% aware that I am resisting them. And I know better. As someone famous said, “What you resist, persists.”
But, knowing you’re resisting and being able to stop it, are two different things.
Yes, I help clients get out of their own resistance all the time. That doesn’t mean I don’t need a little help getting out of mine. We don’t let surgeons operate on themselves for a reason.
At any rate, as I was lamenting my awareness that I was resisting, but also how stuck I was in it, she gave me this perfect metaphor and it changed everything. Instantly.
A sick baby.
She asked me, if I had a sick baby, would I still love it?
Of course I would! I have four kids, this is a metaphor I can totally relate to. If you don’t relate to it, that’s cool, substitute a pet of some sort, or a plant. If you love something or someone and they get sick, you still love them. Your love doesn’t diminish because they are a total pain in the neck!
Let’s face it, sick babies, pets, even plants, can be a pain in the neck. There’s the constant caring for them, which means you probably aren’t getting the rest you need. There are the Dr./Vet/Botanist visits that cost money, take time and aren’t always that helpful. Need I go on?
And, it never changes your love for him/her/it. In fact, sometimes your love deepens.
What if we applied that to ourselves?
Forget the irritating boss, co-worker, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, your finances, your credit score, where you live, etc.
Look at you. Everything about you and your life at the moment. And just like you would do with that sick baby, love it. Love everything about it. Just love it.
When we are in love, pure love, we know that somehow, things will be okay. We’ll get through it. A solution will show itself.
Do we try to change it? Sure.
We don’t look at a sick baby and say, “you’re going to be a sick baby the rest of your life.”
Hell no!
We look for medicine, we look for people who have healed from the disease and see what we can learn, we do research, we try different things. We never give up.
And, we never stop loving the baby. Whether all the things we try work or not.
Today, I encourage you to do what I did.
Love the fucking sick baby!! Love the hell out of her.
Love is always the best way to find a solution or notice a synchronicity or get some inspired action.
Love is the opposite of resistance. You can’t resist the baby and love the baby, so without even trying, your resistance will drop away, because of the power of your love.
I’d be honored to help you figure out how to love your sick baby and move towards whatever the path to healing is.
I’ve got a few spots open for one-on-one clients. Let’s explore if it’s right for you. Book a free 15-minute Discovery Call and we’ll figure it out and go from there.
You might also like my 100 Days of Living Orgasmically video series. Yes, I’m using orgasm as a metaphor, and it’s an amazing one. Check out the entire playlist here. You can’t live orgasmically if you’re not loving your sick baby. This I know for sure.
You read that right.
I’m creating a video series where I’ll use orgasm as a metaphor for life!
It’s a perfect metaphor in so many ways.
Shame kills an orgasm.
Self-care makes it easier.
No one outside of ourselves really has the power to give it to us - or take it away from us.
Orgasms can be empowering.
They connect us to our bodies and our soul.
They can connect us to someone else’s body and soul.
It’s the highest experience of pleasure.
Isn’t that what you’d like to say about your life on your death bed?
Join me. It all starts Thursday, August 1, 2019.
It’s going to be provocative. Fun. Irreverent at times. Inspirational. Thought provoking.
You’ll find the videos each day in two places; my YouTube Channel will have a playlist. You can watch and comment from there. They will also be in my private Facebook Group, Live Lavishly: The Art of Sustainable Transformation. I’ll do some of them live in the group, but everything will be added to the Youtube Playlist. If you aren’t a member of the private FB Group you can join here.
Here’s the truth.
I have a lot to say about how to live a life that is unapologetically authentic (including that it means that life is not perfect!)
I’m all about taking risks.
I will put my life on the line to be truthful to myself and what I feel guided to do in my life.
And… that doesn’t mean I don’t look back and ask, “What the fuck was I thinking! I was totally operating out of fear and my ego!”
But… I don’t live with regrets. I go for it and clean up the messes I make as I go!
Here’s the problem.
I realized recently, that when it comes to what I say publicly and on social media, at times, I’m super truthful and even provocative. Yay! It always feels good because it is unapologetically authentic.
But sometimes I hold back.
Sometimes I “tone it down.” Yuk!
I’ve been told most of my life that I am “too much.” I want too much. I talk too loud. I laugh too loud. I say too much about my life. I talk about sex too much.
What quickly follows, “too much,” is “who do you think you are?”
How many times have we been asked that from others? Or, honestly, it’s often a self-inflicted question.
Who do you think you are?
I really, really want you to take some time, in a beautiful and peaceful place, and answer that question. It will change your life. Leave all your judgment behind. Leave all your ideas about what others will say or who they want you to be, or who you think they think they want you to be! (Yes, you read that right. Most of these things are things we think others are thinking.)
Recently, I came to terms with my need to stop “toning it down.”.
And then I took my mom off my email list.
Because, frankly, she doesn’t need to know everything I think and say, and I am committed to being truthful. If she does hear about it, I’ll deal with that.
If I trip and fall and start toning it down, I’ll stop it and go back to the truth, even if it upsets someone! Even my mom.
Because I can answer that question, “who do you think you are?”. I am bold. I am loud. I want more. I want a big, big life in every way. I want to help my clients transform their lives. I want everyone to have the great sex they deserve. I want everyone to work in the careers or businesses that thrill them. I want everyone to have a partner, spouse, lover that is their equal. That honors them, loves them, cheers them on, and nurtures them. Or, be single and love it! I want everyone to heal themselves, because then the world will be healed.
On Thursday I’ll be introducing the most provocative, exciting video series I’ve ever done, and in August, I’ll have a program with the same theme. The videos and the program will transform the way you think about your life!
That’s a BIG STATEMENT! But I can handle it. I’m BIG. I want more for me and you!
