Do You Ever Feel Overwhelmed?

We’ve all felt overwhelmed at some point in the last year. 

I’ve worked with several clients who were experiencing a deep feeling of overwhelm. 

I imagine you can relate. 

Where does all this overwhelm come from?

More importantly, what the heck do we do about it? 

Every client I’ve worked with resolves their overwhelm when they get grounded and focused on their own power to affect their life. 

Overwhelm is a sign that we’ve left our “home.” That unlimited power that is at the very center of our being. It’s the very truth of who we are. 

It may be buried under a huge to-do list, or the wants and needs of others, the toxic co-worker or angst in some area of your life. But it’s there. I promise. 

Like every client I coach, you can solve the feeling of overwhelm by accessing that place of power that is living within you every moment of every day. 

Sure, you may still have a problem to solve, a boundary to set, a difficult conversation to have, but you’ll do it from a position of strength and confidence. You solve it as a person living from the truth of your authentic power. 

There’s no overwhelm when we’re in our power. 

If you want some help accessing that power, I can be your guide. DM me. All you need to do is tell me you’re ready to live from your authentic power! You deserve it! 

I’d like to make it easier for you…

You know how it is so freakin hard to get from “knowing better” and what I mean by that is, you have an insight or new awareness, to…  “doing better?”

I love to have a great insight, the “Aha!” moment that feels like it changes everything… but does it? 

It can be sooooo hard to actually change! 

Here are some things most of us are challenged by when it comes to knowing better vs doing better:

• Actually NOT getting triggered when our Mom says that thing she says that makes us crazy. 

• Setting a boundary we know is needed but we’re afraid it will piss someone off

• Prioritizing our own self-care over career/business demands

You get my point.  

We know we should do the-thing. But we don’t. 

Here’s the solution, in a way, it’s not even your fault. But you're the only hero for this journey….

You’ve got to retrain your subconscious mind. 

How do we do that? 

By using our conscious minds differently. 

That’s why meditation can work. That’s why coaching can work. That’s why digital programs can work. 

We focus our attention, thoughts, feelings and actions on a particular issue and start the change process. 

But it is a process. 

That’s why mediation, coaching, digital programs, etc. don’t always work. 

It’s up to us to put in the effort, and trust me, it’s effort to think differently. Feel differently, respond differently. 

That’s why I love my clients. They are committed to closing that “knowing/doing gap” and actually transform into a new being. It’s as beautiful as a caterpillar becoming a butterfly! 

If you want some help closing your “knowing/doing gap,” I’ve got a couple spots opening soon in my calendar. One of them could be yours. Book a 15-minute call and we’ll decide together if now is the right time and if I am the right coach. Book your call HERE. 

What is the antidote to oppression?

Those of us who are people pleasers became one as a coping mechanism against oppression. 

That may sound dramatic, but it’s true. 

You experienced oppression at some point in your life. So did I. 

What’s behind all oppression is a denial of the truth for the person being oppressed. Their right to express their truth. When we are oppressed it is a denial of our value as unique human beings. 

Oppression can occur in overt ways and very subtle ways. 

It may be the open manipulation, control, racism, sexism and/or condemnation by a person who believes they are superior.

It might be overt shaming for who you are or what you believe. 

It might be a subtle glance from a parent when you tell them you’re gay/trans/non-binary or some other thing that freaks them out like hearing you don’t want to become the Dr. they always wanted you to be.  

When we experience oppression it’s a common reaction to please our oppressors. To conform, even if not entirely, into something the oppressor will “like.”

What’s the antidote to oppression? 

Authentic Power. 

Authentic Power always begins internally. 

Then, it changes externally in how we show up in the world. 

Authentic power is what every oppressor hates. Which is why there are so my examples of oppressors unjustly punishing, incarcerating and “casting out” when those they wish to oppress won’t be oppressed. Think Rosa Parks, Lillian Lennon (@mslillianlennon,) Nelson Mandela, etc.

That’s why I’m on a mission to liberate people pleasers. Because being liberated means we are standing in our authentic power. 

It means we speak up.

It means we don’t diminish or silence our truth because it’s not convenient or easy. 

It means we prioritize our wants and needs so that we are not easily fooled by a charismatic oppressor. 

That’s what the world needs. The world needs all of us to own our authentic power. It is our birthright. 

Sure, it will piss off the oppressors, but I think it’s time! Are you with me?

How Can Pleasure Can be a Litmus Test?

Do you use pleasure as a litmus test? 

You may think that is a crazy question! 

In the world I grew up in there was a sort-of “nobility” placed on suffering and definite suspicion about anything around pleasure!

No one openly talked about pleasure. 

Even sex wasn’t talked about in the context of pleasure. It’s as if you should keep it to yourself if you were experiencing pleasure with sex. 

Anybody with me?? Comment down below and tell me if anyone you grew up with talked about pleasure!? 

As I’ve grown spiritually, I’ve begun to understand the true role of pleasure as a tool for guidance.

Yes, I’ve just used the words, spiritually, pleasure and guidance in the same sentence! 

I have come to know and experience that we are, I am, you are - designed for pleasure. 

When it’s time to make a decision, a great way to know what to do, is to ask, “does this feel like pleasure or pain?” 

I’ve learned the hard way sometimes, to move towards pleasure. 

Sure, the pain decision is sometimes more socially accepted. We live in a time that thrives on fear, pain, suffering, anxiety and things being “hard.” 

But, pleasure… that takes me into my unique self-expression. 

Pleasure leads me into authentic power. 

Pleasure moves me towards “scared-cited.” A lovely phrase for when you’re stretching outside of your comfort zone and into your next evolution. 

I hope you’ll join me for a Club and a Room I’ve recently started in Clubhouse. I apologize in advance for android users who can’t join. It wasn’t my idea to make it an Apple only platform, but alas… it is. 

The Club is, Sex+Pleasure+Freedom and the Room is, Sex as a Gateway to Awakening, which meets every Wednesday at 12:30 pm Pacific time. 

Follow me in Clubhouse, after setting up your profile and I’ll follow you too. 

Join the Sex+Pleasure+Freedom Club here: https://www.joinclubhouse.com/club/sex-pleasure-freedom

Join me for the Room Sex as a Gateway to Awakening on Weds. at 12:30 pm Pacific  here: https://www.joinclubhouse.com/event/mWOlVAn8

If you aren’t in Clubhouse, let me know with your reply that this topic interests you. I am super passionate about this topic and would gladly coach or create a program for it! 

Why You Don't Need Fixing!

We get these ideas about not being good enough, or something is wrong with us, otherwise… things would be different. 

I am here to say, loud and clear! That is NOT TRUE! 

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! And you do not need fixing. 

What we all need is fine-tuning, or opening up to a higher version of ourselves that doesn’t have all the personal criticisms and judgments that limit us so much! 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser, you’ll get some tools for turning down the volume on that judgmental voice and turning up the volume on that empowering, loving voice that is within you. 

Listen to the episode HERE.

In Power and Grace,

Brenda

Do You Ever Ignore Your Desires?

Desire. 

The very word can bring on anxiety! 

Do you know what you desire? 

Do you ever ignore your desires, or worse yet, shame them? 

I’m sure you have and probably someone else has shamed you for your desires or ignored you when you asked for what you desired. 

We’ve heard too often, “who do you think you are?” 

I will tell you who you are.

You are a unique divine expression. Boom! 💥

Every desire you have has been put there by divine intelligence to support you in being your unique divine expression, instead of the person that your family or culture might have wanted you to be.

It’s time for judgment to be over. 

It’s time for shame to be over. 

The second-guessing is over.

Be the unique divine expression that you are. There is only one of you. If you don’t be you, no one will. The gift of you will be lost to the universe. 

The journey begins with desire. 

What are three things you desire, right now? Tell me what they are. I will be your co-conspirator in you becoming unapologetically, YOU!

All About Available Power 💪💜

Are there times when you don’t have power? It’s just not available to you? 

You may feel like there’s little or no power available to you 

• In your career

• With your kids

• In a relationship

• In the pandemic

• In your finances

• In your health

The good news is, there is power that is available to you. 

And you don’t need anyone else to give it to you! 

Does that seem too good to be true? 

I’ll show you how in 5 steps. 

Five special days actually. 

I’m gathering a group of like-minded people for a FREE, 5 day event I call, Power Week. 

Before you have the thought that you don’t have time, it’s only a few minutes a day. 

I’m creating a sacred space in a private FB Group, just for this event. We’ll be the only ones there. 

I’ll be live in the FB Group every day. 

You’ll get a daily email with a fun activity and the recording of the Live, in case you missed it. 

You’ll get 5 tools for accessing your innate, authentic power. 

You deserve power. In every situation. 

Join me, next week, Feb. 1-5, 2021. 

Register HERE. 

In love, light and POWER, 

Brenda

Tell me if you relate to this?

Regardless of our background and specific life experiences, there are certain things that connect all of us people pleasers! 

Not the least of which is the courage to learn how to speak up for ourselves and live authentically! 

In today’s inspiring interview with my coach and Rapid Transformation Therapy practitioner, Sobia Durrani, you’ll hear how being a people pleaser was triggered by the pressure of being a first generation American. With parents from Pakistan, who naturally had high expectations, plus feeling like she didn’t belong in the US or in Pakistan, Sobia’s story is compelling and needs to be heard. 

We also touch on the issue of “white privilege” and what that means to us. 

You’ll be inspired and get tools to use in your own life from this powerful episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser. 

As always, I welcome your feedback and questions in the comments!

Less Screaming! More....

I was talking to someone about a new package I’m putting together for people pleasers who are dating and in relationships. 

It’s one of the most important packages I’ve created. 

You see, so many qualities that make us people pleasers, suck the energy out of us and make us resentful in our relationships. 

It’s really hard to be seen and heard by your lover when you’re trying so hard to “keep the peace,” and “not rock the boat.” 

I told her how I was creating this package to coach people who are dating, or in romantic relationships, on how to avoid the terrible experience of NOT being seen and heard by their lover. 

She said, “Oh! Like, scream less and screw more!” 

Boom! 

I couldn’t have said it better myself! 

There’s always that fight that we have on a routine basis. The details of the story might change, but the underlying topic is the same. 

And, under the topic, is the dynamic. The number one complaint of romantic relationships:

You don’t feel seen and heard. 

Why is that such a big deal? 

Because we can’t feel valued when we aren’t seen and heard. 

Being dismissed or ignored is the equivalent of being devalued. Period.  

Your lover - my lover -  might not have “meant” to devalue us, but, it’s the natural experience of not being seen and heard. 

I’ve learned how to be seen and heard. 

That’s why I’m so passionate about coaching others on how to be seen and heard! 

Today, I’ll give you one tip to get you headed in the right direction. 

Tip #1 for being seen and heard:

Make sure you see and hear yourself before trying to get your lover to see and hear you. 

Wait? What? 

No, this is not a trick. And, yes, you read that right. 

It starts with you - with me. 

You see, as a people pleaser we’ve been trained to ignore ourselves. To make what other people want and need more important than what we want and need. 

The first obstacle to overcome is our own habit of self-dismissal. Self-devaluing. 

Write yourself a letter. Record a message. Tell yourself what it is that you are wanting your love to see and hear. Listen to yourself. See yourself. Honor your want or need. Give it value. 

Notice how that feels. 

Take the time to revel in your own validation of your own want or need. It’s so much more powerful than you might imagine. 

After you’ve reveled in it, feel free to share it with your lover. Your energy and communication will have shifted because you began where all things begin. With you. Inside you. 

That’s where the magic is.

Do you feel the power?

I love the word, sovereign. 

What does it mean? “Supreme power and authority to rule.” 

Be the sovereign in your own life. 

There’s no one but you who should be the authority in your life. Only You. 

You need to have supreme power in your life. 

It doesn’t make you selfish or self-centered. 

It doesn’t justify meanness or judgment towards others. 

It’s a statement about who you are in relationship to yourself. 

You’re a grown-ass adult. 

Supreme power and authority over your life belongs to you and only you. 

No one else has a “right” to it. 

As people pleasers we were never taught that. 

There was another person, or people, who wanted that level of power and authority in our lives. They conditioned us out of being the sovereign in our lives, so they could be the authority and have the power. 

It’s time to take our power back. 

You have an absolute right to be the supreme power and authority in your life. 

I’m curious? How does that feel? 

Don’t be surprised if you feel awkward about it, or it feels selfish, or arrogant. Remember, you’ve been conditioned to think that way. But, tell me, if not you, who? Who should have power over your life? 

You are a unique human being. There’s no one like you. No one knows you as well as you do. You are the authority on you. You deserve the power of sovereignty in your own life.

Do You Want to be Seen, Heard and Valued?

So many clients come to me because they are sick of NOT being seen, heard and valued by their lover, boss, or someone else important to them.

For people pleasers this is particularly common because we were conditioned to abandon our authenticity in order to please others. But there is a solution

Today’s Liberate Your People Pleaser episode I will give you specific steps to begin to be seen, heard and valued in your life.

You can start today. There’s nothing more powerful than being seen, heard and valued. You deserve it and you can have it!

Listen to today’s episode HERE. Then share your take-away and what you did in the exercise I gave you. No spoiler alerts. Go watch the episode then tell me all about it!

You Are A Unique Genius!

Have you ever felt it? 

When you were... so… YOU… 

You have a moment or have an experience where you feel totally authentic and in the flow. 

It’s liberating. 

It’s exhilarating. 

That’s your unique genius!

I want you to be able to create that experience more often. I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve to help you. 

I’m excited to open the virtual doors to a new workshop I’m offering, Own Your Brilliance!

This is the first offer I’ve had in over a year. I had to cultivate my own unique genius. You see, I don’t coach others to do things I don’t do. So after a lot of deep inner work of my own, I am delighted to offer this two-evening, virtual workshop. 

I’m going to teach my ‘Freedom Unleashed’ process. It’s a four-step process that I created for myself, I’ve used it with clients and now I’m offering it to you. It’s powerful. It works. And isn’t that what matters? 

I hope you check out all the details and join me September 2 and 9, for this opportunity to gather with like-minded people and purposely cultivate your unique genius… to learn how to Own Your Brilliance! 

Get all the deets HERE and sign up. I made it super affordable, so grab your own spot and invite a friend. Registration is limited so do it today. If you’re unsure or have a question, please reach out to me personally and ask, brenda@brendaflorida.com.

Unshakable. Indestructible. Empowered.

How do we stand in our truth and power when we’re scared? 

How do we experience empowerment when life feels overwhelming? 

How do we create an unshakable, indestructible empowerment? 

It’s one thing to show up confidently, to feel empowered, when you’ve just gotten a promotion, or your business venture is going better than expected. 

How do we do it when we get fired or our business “fails?” 

If we can’t find our empowerment when our circumstances suck, is it really empowerment? 

I love the expression, empowered inside-out. 

That’s what I am cultivating and what I’m helping clients cultivate. 

We feel empowered, we take action that is empowered and we trust in the outcome because of what we are doing on the inside, not because of something one the outside. 

It takes a certain dismantling of imprinted beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of. 

I’ll give you three quick but powerful ways to begin. Don’t dismiss them because they seem too “small.” Small things can be very powerful. 

1. Name what scares you. If you’re invested in what other people think about you,  you are overly focused on financial and professional security, or you stay in relationships long after they’ve stopped serving you, then those things have your power. Naming them is the beginning of releasing their power. 

2. Ask yourself, “if I wasn’t concerned about what others thought or wasn’t worried about money, being alone (whatever fear you’ve named) what would I do differently? 

3. Notice how you feel and what comes up. Very often a client will pause and exclaim, “Oh! I would…..” and say what they would do. When you feel that, there is a certain feeling quality about it. It’s clear. It feels like truth. That is the feeling of being empowered inside-out. That’s what you want to cultivate! 

I’d love to hear about your own example of using these three steps and tell me, did you feel it? Did you feel empowered? If not, there’s no shame in that. You’ve been deeply conditioned to give other people and situations your power. We all have. Share it with me and I’ll do my best to help you break through the block. <3

Is This a Time For Decadence?

I think it is! 

The decadence of knowing who we are. 

The decadence of knowing how we can best serve the world. 

The decadence of unapologetic self expression. 

Does it seem like a pipe-dream to you? 

What is your relationship with decadence like? Troubled? Thriving? You’re strangers who have never met? You met and were too scared to see what it had to offer? 

It’s a topic we’ve been exploring in my private FB Group, Liberate Your People Pleaser this week. I’ve done several FB Lives. Check them out and join, if you aren’t a member, HERE.

Tell me about it in the comments below or email me at brenda@brendaflorida.com

It’s a topic I’ll be teaching on in my new virtual workshop, Own Your Brilliance. (More to come on that in the coming weeks.)

I can’t wait to hear about you and decadence!

Is Freedom Important?

Freedom is my siren call!

How about you?

And no, this isn’t a political blog. Although political freedom is important.  

I want to talk about a deeply personal freedom that no person or circumstance can take from you.

That is True Freedom!

How do we get it?

The interesting this is that you already have it, whether you feel like you do or not.

You see, Freedom is an inside job.

Could you feel free if you lost your job, your car was repossessed or you were homeless?

Even if we don’t mean to, we often associate freedom with our circumstances.

Do I have the financial stability and abundance to feel free?

Can I go places when I want to? Talk to the people I want to? Marry the person I want to? Decide whether or not to get married or have a family?

What we know is that when we have the freedom that money, time, opportunity and healthy relationships allow for; we feel great! That’s cool. I’m all for it.

Here’s the problem.

Almost all of us have a little “People Pleaser” in us. Some of us have a lot!

When I believe my freedom requires me to have certain circumstances in my life, I will give my power away because I don’t want to risk losing it. My People Pleaser takes over and my authentic, truth will get hijacked. And there’s no freedom in that.

For instance, if I feel like freedom requires me to make a certain amount of money, then I’ll probably do things to please my boss or overly accommodate someone to get their approval, or have poor boundaries in my business, because deep down, I’m afraid of “making waves” or “causing trouble.” After all, what if I got fired or my business started to fail? I’ll lose my financial freedom.

This happens big-time in romantic relationships and families. We start being overly accommodating and doing more than our share of the work, at home or in the relationship, in order to “keep the peace” or create “harmony.” After all, you don’t want to lose the relationship, that doesn’t feel like freedom!  

The mind has a great reason why it’s always your turn to “go the extra mile” or “step-up to the plate” in order to keep you thinking that your freedom is secure.  

But, you my dear, are paying the price.

And the price is freedom.

When you manage your relationships, job, finances and everything else, through your Loving Inner Authority, you won’t give those people or organizations the power to hijack your personal sense of freedom.

When you are empowered, from the inside out, there isn’t a person or circumstance that can rob you of your freedom.

And that’s the best freedom of all because it’s authentic. Sure, you may not go on a shopping spree because your finances have tightened up a bit because you left a job or relationship that was toxic, but the personal freedom of taking a stand for yourself will feel 100 times more liberating than that shopping spree would have.

You see, freedom is really a feeling. We can give ourselves the power to feel it or give that power to others.

I help clients bring all their power back to themselves. That’s true freedom.

The kind of freedom that can never be taken from you.

If you’re curious about working with me, I’ve got three openings in my calendar for one-on-one clients. Let’s hop on a 15-minute call and see if it’s right for you. Schedule your call here. I can’t wait to chat with you.

Exclusive Advice from a Painting

Who knew posing for this pinup painting would teach me so much?! 

When you lay around in your underwear for a painter, even a female one, it's transformative. 

What were the two things I learned posing for this painting? 

1. Being vulnerable can be scary, but when you open yourself up and allow yourself to show someone who you truly are, including all your imperfections, it liberates you!

There is so much freedom in vulnerability. 

In this painting my hands are over my belly because I have a scar that runs across half of my stomach. I didn't really want it in the painting. I talked to the artist, Laura Scott Steiger, and she suggested this pose. Problem solved. No shame. And I didn't have to show everyone my scar. 

Being vulnerable doesn't mean we have to 'show and tell' everything to everyone. It means we have select people we trust, who have shown they are safe and won't judge or criticize us, then we decide how much we feel like sharing with others and the world at large.  

2. Sexuality and sensuality can be a gateway to a spiritual awakening. Our lives are not compartmentalized. Our work isn't separate from our relationships or our bodies and how we care for them, our sexuality or our spirituality. 

We tend to think of those things as being separate, we might have a problem with one and not with another. That can be true. 

Here's what's also true, when we evolve ourselves and grow in one area of life, it improves all the others. 

Our sexuality and sensuality often get left off the list of "important" things in our lives that deserve our care and attention. My experience is that they are incredibly powerful in creating transformation in our lives. 

Posing for this painting gave me so much confidence and feeling of personal power as a woman. I've carry that into everything I do. 

That's why I'm so excited that Rupa Kapoor of Women Redefined, is going to be my co-host on Cocktails and Coaching tomorrow night. We will gather in my private Facebook Group at 5 pm Pacific/8 pm Eastern. 

Rupa has a gift for helping women feel safe and free to express their vulnerability and the truth of who they are. "I love helping women show up and be seen through a fun and unique photography experience! I allow women to truly own who they are without the labels and be seen, feel empowered and beautiful in ways they never imagined." 

I can't wait for you to spend time with Rupa and hear more about her story on Wednesday. 

As always, we welcome your questions for us to answer during Cocktails and Coaching. You can submit your question here. 

Grab a cocktail or other beverage of choice and join me and Rupa for a juicy and lively conversation tomorrow!