Don’t you wish you knew this when you were young?

That’s what so many of my clients and workshop attendees say! 

What if… when we were 10, 11, 12 - or when we were a pre-teen or teen we knew…

We didn’t have to silence ourselves to “keep the peace.” 

We could love our bodies, exactly as they are in all their unique beauty? 

We could have the confidence to explore personal style and how we wanted to express ourselves? 

How to get that mean girl inside us - and maybe a few outside of us - to chill out and leave us alone! 

Well, it’s here. 

Grab the girl you know ages 10 - 18 and register her for BOLD Virtual Camp during the boring days of winter break between Christmas and New Years! 

In this special episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser, I’m hanging out with my two coach friends who are teaching BOLD Camp with me. 

You can get all the information and register for BOLD Camp HERE. 

Watch this episode HERE

Do you need some relief?

What a year! 

What a holiday season! 

I’m sure you’ve got a lot going on that isn’t the way you planned for it to be. 

I want you to get some relief! 

While I can’t come cook you a meal or give you a much deserved massage, what I can do is give you an hour that is totally devoted to you and what you need. 

Last week one of my clients said, “I realized today, I’m always happy on the days we talk!” 

Not only is that the best testimonial ever - it speaks to the benefit of coaching. 

It feels so good to spend an hour with someone (me) who is 100% focused on what you want and need. The bonus is you’ll leave the hour with at least one thing you can do to get more of what you want and need.

The priceless part of the hour is what you’ll feel. Relief. Cared for. Attended to. Seen. Heard. 

I’m offering a special holiday rate of $97 for a single session. It will be the best $97 you’ve invested in yourself. 

Give yourself the gift of relief. You can pay and book all in one spot. Easy Peasy. Click HERE.

Why get on Zoom...Again?!

I know, we’re all sick of Zoom. 

Our kids are sick of Zoom. 

And… most of our states and countries are tightening restrictions again because of rising COVID numbers. 

What do we do? 

We’re tired of it all. 

But, it’s not over. 

Here’s what we do: We Rise. 

Yes, We Rise. 

That’s what determined people have done since the beginning of time. When things get difficult, they rise. 

Let’s name a few, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Malala Yousafzai.

They showed us how to rise. Even if it means getting on Zoom. It’s a small price to pay to change a life or change the world. 

Here’s my suggestion, grab every girl you know between the ages of 10 - 18 and let’s get them on Zoom for BOLD Virtual Camp! It’s three days, two hours a day, Dec. 28, 29 and 30th. Right when they are probably bored with Winter Break.  Two hours is not long. But it is long enough to: 

1. Have fun

2. Make a few new friends

3. Learn empowerment skills for speaking up 

4. Have a fashion show

5. Create a vision board for 2021

6. Crush diet culture mentality that promotes negative body image

7. Learn how to be-the-boss over social media 

8. Rise above the mean-girl thoughts in our head and from others

There’s more I could write, but you get my point. 

No girl ever said, “Mom, can you find a way for me to spend more time at school?” And yet, they all did, we did, because that’s where after school clubs were, sports and band practice were… it’s where our friends were. 

Now they’re on Zoom, so we’ll be on Zoom. Not because we “love it” but because that’s where cool, fun empowering stuff is happening! And we all need more of that! 

BOLD Camp is here! Get the deets and register your girl, your friend’s girls, your niece, your granddaughter, your next-door neighbor, any girl you know, because this is going to be three days that can change her life and give her what she needs to start 2021 with a bang! Get it all HERE!

You are THE Gift!

We’ve all got gift giving on our minds right now. 

The holidays can be extra stressful for people pleasers. 

We tend to say yes to even more than we usually do. 

We’re extra invested in “keeping the peace.” 

Then we wind up getting angry and resentful. 

And let’s face it, this year has been so strange and stressful already! 

How do we stop the madness? 

How can we say no when we need to and enjoy the season without silencing ourselves to “keep the peace?” 

I’ve got the answer… the secret is you. 

You are THE Gift. 

You see, inside you is an Inner-Loving-Presence. Think of it as the ideal, loving mother that you probably didn’t have. 

She knows exactly what you need to say no to, or put off until after the holidays, or get some help with. 

She also knows when to let something go and when you need to speak up. 

We can’t usually hear her wise guidance because the noise of “life” is too loud. 

Here’s what I’d like you to try, whether you’re already overwhelmed or not. 

Look at your “to-do” list and create a quiet, peaceful space for yourself. You can sit in your car, get up early, stay up late, plop the kids in front of their screens, hide in the garage… it doesn’t matter. 

The key is to silence the noise of life and set the intention to connect with and hear this quiet and wise Inner-Loving-Presence within you. She’ll never shout at you, shame you or tell you that you aren’t doing enough. She loves you. She loves you No. Matter. What. You can fall short, screw up, forget something important. It doesn’t matter. Surround yourself in her No. Matter. What. Unconditional. Love. 

Then take another look at that to-do list. 

What needs to come off? 

What do you need to ask for help with? 

What needs to be altered a bit, so it’s more fun and joyful? 

Who do you need to say no to, even if you’ve already said yes? 

Trust her. Her wisdom will serve you. It will bring you more peace and joy, rather than the resentment and anger that people pleasing tends to leave us with. 

Wondering how to make those adjustments to your to-do list? How to have the conversations? How to actually tell you family you can’t come home for the holidays?

I’ve got you! 

Consider it a little stocking stuffer. 

I’m offering a limited Holiday Single Session for $97. That’s a 35% discount! Whether you’re a new client or returning one, book your Holiday Single Session HERE.

What are you ready to let go of?

I posted that question on social media this week and got some interesting answers!

If you don’t follow me on social media, I’m @lavishbrenda on IG and have a private FB Group, Liberate Your People Pleaser you can join HERE.

Some of the things being left behind: self-doubt, the need for acceptance and approval, uncertainty, relationships where they aren’t seen, heard and valued, jobs that suck the life out of them, and my personal “leave-behind,” scarcity.

As people pleasers it’s so easy to get caught in the fear of all those things. Notice, everything that we want to leave behind was created through fear.

Fear motivates most of the behaviors that hold us back. Fear of being rejected. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of failing. Fear of not being loved and accepted. Fear of making a mistake or “failing” in some way.

What do we do about it?.

Fear is like a bully. Once you face it, it begins to shrink.  

For instance, the fear that you won’t be loved and accepted is part of why you’re in a relationship where you aren’t seen and heard. How do I know? Because if you weren’t afraid of being loved and accepted, you would simply and clearly ask for what you want and need. If your partner, coworker, boss or friend repeatedly ignored or dismissed your wants and needs, you wouldn’t tolerate it.

You naturally attract people into your life who reflect your inner love and acceptance. 

I used to have a lot of fear about being loved and accepted. I felt so invisible growing up, that I was naturally drawn to people who would repeat that pattern for me. Romantic relationships is where I had most of my challenges, but I have clients that have it at work, with friends, even random strangers.

Fear keeps us silent. Fear keeps us prioritizing others. Fear keeps us from being seen and heard.

Once I unraveled that fear (that’s the hard part, but trust me, it can be done. I did it. I coach others on how to do it) I seemed to magically be surrounded by people who genuinely loved me, accepted me and were happy to hear about what I wanted and needed.

Voila! I was seen and heard! By all sorts of people!

Now I can spot it right away when someone isn’t interested in seeing me and hearing me.

It’s extremely empowering!

What fear do you need to let go of? You don’t have to know how. It starts with recognizing it and looking at it. Noticing all the places it weaves itself into your life. Fear can be quite insidious. When we look at it, we open the door to releasing it.

Let me know in the comments the fear you’re ready to look in the eye and leave behind!

Being a People Pleaser When You’re Dating or in a Relationship…. Sucks!

It’s a lethal combo - People Pleasing and dating… or being the people pleaser in a romantic relationship! 

Why? 

We do too much. 

We give too much. 

We get hurt too much. 

And this is when “too much” isn’t what we’re going for! 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’ll give you some hard won strategies for how to keep people pleasing out of your romantic relationships! 

Whether you’re dating or in a relationship you’ll get the big transformation I had to make in order to keep my people pleasing ways out of my dating life! 

Listen to today’s episode HERE. 

Tell me what your biggest dating or romantic challenge is. There’s nothing more important than keeping certain aspects of being a people pleaser out of the bedroom!

Setting boundaries at work is different. Right?

I get this a lot from clients and when I’m conducting leadership development classes. 

We can’t set boundaries at work. After-all, we’re being paid to do what we’re told. 

Or, being paid to “manage” others, so that includes fixing the things they do wrong, or staying late to finish the project they are behind on, etc. 

In today’s episode of Liberate Your People Pleaser I’m going to challenge some of those thoughts. 

There’s a difference between managing and over-functioning for someone else. 

There’s a difference between being paid to do a job and never saying no. 

Join me for a practical and powerful conversation about leaving behind our people pleasing habits when we go to work. 

As always, I can’t wait to get your comments and feedback! 

If you’ve got a question you’d like for me to answer, please submit it to me! Use this LINK to scroll to the bottom of the page and submit your question. I can’t wait! 

Get today’s episode HERE.

Do you feel the power?

I love the word, sovereign. 

What does it mean? “Supreme power and authority to rule.” 

Be the sovereign in your own life. 

There’s no one but you who should be the authority in your life. Only You. 

You need to have supreme power in your life. 

It doesn’t make you selfish or self-centered. 

It doesn’t justify meanness or judgment towards others. 

It’s a statement about who you are in relationship to yourself. 

You’re a grown-ass adult. 

Supreme power and authority over your life belongs to you and only you. 

No one else has a “right” to it. 

As people pleasers we were never taught that. 

There was another person, or people, who wanted that level of power and authority in our lives. They conditioned us out of being the sovereign in our lives, so they could be the authority and have the power. 

It’s time to take our power back. 

You have an absolute right to be the supreme power and authority in your life. 

I’m curious? How does that feel? 

Don’t be surprised if you feel awkward about it, or it feels selfish, or arrogant. Remember, you’ve been conditioned to think that way. But, tell me, if not you, who? Who should have power over your life? 

You are a unique human being. There’s no one like you. No one knows you as well as you do. You are the authority on you. You deserve the power of sovereignty in your own life.

Is there a dark side to empathy?

I have so many clients who are plagued by being so empathetic, they are overwhelmed by all the feelings they are picking up from others, and they struggle to set boundaries. 

I can relate. 

I had a profound moment one day in a conversation with a man I was dating at the time, that has changed my attitude about empathy and boundaries. 

You’ll hear all about this truly transformations and frankly, dramatic, moment in my life, in today’s, Liberate Your People Pleaser Podcast. (I’m hoping you also notice the fresh new logo!) 

You’ll also find out how to keep empathy from getting in the way of the boundaries you need to set with lovers, family, friends and at work! 

I’m stoked that the podcast is now on Google Play, Spotify, Apple Podcast, YouTube and my website! Here are all the individual links for you to find it on your favorite podcast app. 

Google Podcasts, HERE.

Spotify, HERE.

Apple Podcasts, HERE.

My Website, HERE.

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts and see your review of the podcast!

Love or Fear?

I have a client who is facing a host of life changes. Career, finances, needing to move, relationship challenges, you name it! Life is hitting this client on all fronts. 

This is one of my super-powers, helping people navigate really stressful times of massive change. 

Why? Because I’ve done it myself, many times. 

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that we have to choose love over fear. 

Fear = anxiety, “not enough time,” limitation, scarcity, forcing outcomes, a feeling of powerlessness. 

Love = open to possibility, allowing, abundance, and a feeling that you are supported by invisible and visible forces. 

No matter how dire a situation is, and I say this knowing what it is like to have $50 and Googling homeless shelters, fear NEVER helps us find our best solution. 

Fear puts us in a box. And that box is very small. There aren’t a lot of options. It’s the home of “this or that” thinking. When we think small, we get small. 

Fear also gets us focused on the past or the future. A past that stresses or pisses us off and a future that seems grim. 

In fear, we feel powerless. 

Love, on the other hand, allows us to be open and trust that there are lots of possibilities. Even ones that we aren’t thinking about. We can ask for help, knowing there are tons of resources in the universe. 

Love allows us to be in the present moment, not in the past or future where we have no power. 

Love = power. 

Fear = powerless. 

Sure, it can be hard, when life is piling up on you, to find love. 

That’s why I’m here.

It’s my life’s work (and joy) to facilitate clients in choosing love over fear. No matter what the circumstances are. 

Where are you at today? 

Will you choose love, or fear? 

I’m here if you need a guide to help you. I’ve always had guides who have helped me. 

The first step towards love is to ask for the help you deserve.

Do You Want to be Seen, Heard and Valued?

So many clients come to me because they are sick of NOT being seen, heard and valued by their lover, boss, or someone else important to them.

For people pleasers this is particularly common because we were conditioned to abandon our authenticity in order to please others. But there is a solution

Today’s Liberate Your People Pleaser episode I will give you specific steps to begin to be seen, heard and valued in your life.

You can start today. There’s nothing more powerful than being seen, heard and valued. You deserve it and you can have it!

Listen to today’s episode HERE. Then share your take-away and what you did in the exercise I gave you. No spoiler alerts. Go watch the episode then tell me all about it!

Did You SEE That?!

I’ll confess, I don’t watch the news. 

Even with an election approaching. 

Even with a pandemic. 

Don’t hate me. 

I spend a few minutes a week with the NY Times, so I have a sense of what’s going on. 

That’s why my blogs, podcast and social media posts don’t include a lot of connections to current events, like most coach’s do. 

But here’s one thing I want to be abundantly clear on that has to do with current events. 

I stand in solidarity with Black, Indiginous, people of color and LGBTQ+ people. 

White privilege is real. I don’t like it. I was born into it. 

I’m a white, cis, hetorosexual woman and that comes with many privileges that others don’t have. 

Because I’m a woman I am treated in ways that lack equality - I grew up in a culture deeply embedded in patriarchy - but I am still privileged. 

I want to take a stand, I want you to know that I stand in solidarity with Black, Indiginous, people of color. I don’t say “all lives matter” because, duh, of course they do, but that’s not the point at all! 

There’s a mass of people who face systematic racism and “otherism” every day. They’ve lived in a systematically racist system for generations and they deserve NOT to be lumped in with those of us who enjoy the benefits of white privilege. 

Some people might hit “unsubscribe.” I’ll risk that. Those I stand in solidarity with, have risked so much more. 

I hope you’re still here though. 

Because even if, like me, you’re not always 100% comfortable with discussing it, or you’re not always sure what to say, and you’re afraid of saying something “wrong,” it’s time to take a stand and say, “enough is enough.” 

It’s time to dismantle systematic racism. 

As the Indiginous Australian artist, Lila Watson said, “If you have come to help me you are wasting your time. But if you recognize that your liberation and mine are bound up together, we can walk together.” 

Every week I record a podcast to help Liberate Your People Pleaser. I know how to liberate people from the bonds of people pleasing. 

When it comes to racism, I know that Ms. Watson is right and I can’t be liberated until everyone is! 

Taking a Big Leap after Failure

I’ve totally bombed a few times in my life. 

I’m being vulnerable and honest in this week’s episode. You can listen to it HERE.

I am in the middle of another big leap right now. 

I’ve had to be diligent with my mindset. My last big leap was a bomb! So, it’s easy to get fearful with this big leap. 

Fear is not helpful in taking a big leap! In fact, it’s like staring into a wall you don’t want to his and boom! You hit it because you’ve been staring at it! 

I don’t want to spoil the episode. Watch it HERE, then tell me about one of your big leaps!

This is Your Time

“For Such a Time as This…” is a quote that has resonated deeply with me lately. 

I’ll tell you who said it and what it was about in today’s podcast episode, HERE. 

We’ve all been called to this time we are in. 

It’s a time that calls for a leap of faith. 

I’ve had a lot of experience with big leaps. 

In this week’s podcast you’ll get tips on how to navigate your big leaps, whether you choose them, or, like a pandemic, they are thrust upon you! Listen to it HERE.

I share a couple of personal stories about my big leaps. What leaps have you taken?  Were you able to find the possibilities? Or did fear take hold? 

I can’t wait to hear from you! Share your leap in the comments below

Ever Been Told You’re TOO MUCH?

Too loud! 

Too outspoken!

Too curvy!  

Too sexy! 

Too outspoken! 

Too smart!

Too much of a dreamer! 

What have you been told you’re TOO MUCH? Drop it in the comments and tell me. 

I am here to say, I love how TOO MUCH you are! 

The world is going to be saved by people who are TOO MUCH! 

Let’s look at what history shows us. 

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, definitely too outspoken. 

J Lo, definitely too curvy. 

Marilyn Monroe, definitely too sexy. 

Madame Curie, definitely too smart! 

You see where this is going. 

I’m begging you, don’t stop being TOO MUCH! 

Take a moment right now to consider how your life would be different if you never heard those words, too much. 

Instead, you consistently had someone, who you love and admire, tell you how fantastic it is that you’re outspoken, curvy, sexy, multi-passionate, smart, etc. They tell you all the time how this gift is the very thing that makes you who you are. They celebrate it! They adore you for it! 

The good news is, you have that person inside you. I call it my inner-loving presence. She’s always there. She always loves and adores me, exactly how I am. In all my unique TOO MUCH-NESS!  

Breath it in. Feel it. Your inner-loving presence telling you how awesome it is that you are TOO MUCH! 

How does that change things for you? What will you do to change the world? “The world” doesn’t mean you go global, although, it might. The world is your home, yourself, your people. Your world. 

Tell me. How will your TOO MUCH change things?

My People Pleaser Super-Power

Being a People Please has it’s gifts! I call them Super-Powers! 

What is yours?

I’ll share one of mine with you. 

I see what’s going on below the surface. Whether it’s a problem at work, in a relationship, with kids, relatives, body image, self-criticism, money, you name it, there is something going on below the level of what seems to be going on. 

Clients will come to me with a problem they want to solve. For instance, I had a client who was sick of her job. Her boss was abusive and she wasn’t being valued. That’s a problem. 

As we dive in, what I notice is that there is a common thread in the stories I’m hearing. And then... I get an intuitive hit. I see that what’s really going on is that she is angry at her spouse, who consistently dismisses her ideas and opinions. And… she doesn’t talk to him about it. 

I bring it up, even though it may not even seem relevant to the current problems she is having at work. “It seems like your spouse is very dismissive and that you’re pretty angry about that, even though you’ve not discussed it with him. Tell me where I’m wrong?” 

Almost always, like freakishly often, I get, “You’re totally right! But what does that have to do with my issues at work?” 

And then we get to the real work. 

Inevitably, when we address what is below the surface, the “problem” either resolves itself or a clear solution arises. 

It’s so much more effective than dealing with the surface issue. This client might have changed jobs five times all the while, she’s mad at her hubby for dismissing her and she’s not addressing her anger. 

I spent so many years trying to anticipate what others in my family would need, before they even knew it, or asked for it, that I developed incredible powers of intuition. That’s why it’s my People Pleaser Super-Power. 

What’s your People Pleaser Super-Power? 

I hope you’ll join me for Own Your Brilliance! It’s a workshop I created to discover your Super-Powers and uncover some of the other aspects of People Pleasing that aren't serving you so well. 

It’s going to be great fun and you’ll get powerful tools to increase your confidence and feel empowered. 

Grab your cape and join us! Get the deets HERE and register today! Registration closes tonight, so there’s no time to wait.